Finishing my degree by still taking exams and also working instructional shifts at the hospital, shadowing some of the qualified nurses, isn’t a walk in the park.
I decide to go to bed and take a good nap, so I’ll look refreshed for my date.
As soon as I close my eyes, Officer Hunk’s light blue eyes come to my mind and I realize that I never really asked him what’s his first name. I’m sure I’ll find out later tonight I think, flipping around in bed and trying to find a comfortable position.
And to be entirely honest, his eyes aren’t the only thing I picture. Officer Hunk really does his name justice, so I recall his broad shoulders, his strong hands, his bulging biceps in the short sleeved police uniform. I groan when I think that his biceps weren’t the only part of him that was bulging, no sir. I wasn’t the only one affected by our encounter, he definitely looked pretty happy with what he saw when he was looking at my impromptu ‘wet t-shirt contest’ accident.
The idea of that bulge in his pants makes a warm shiver work its way up my spine and I instinctively clench my legs as my hand travels down to touch between my thighs.
I’m so wet that when I stroke a couple of tentative circles with my fingers, I get very little friction and regret leaving the Magical Rooster without any purchase. A vibrator right now would definitely help with my situation.
Because I do need to get off, if I don’t I’m really afraid that I’ll come off desperate tonight and there’s one thing my mother is right about: desperation is the biggest turn off with any man. And I really want Officer Hunk to like me, I can’t stop thinking about him.
I decide that I need some inspiration but I’m not too big on porn, it’s very hard to find something that’s not just gross.
All of a sudden I remember the paperback on the living room table. Buttercup said it was very steamy, so maybe it will help me get in the right frame of mind for some solo fun.
I retrieve the book and climb back into bed feeling positively naughty and I start reading the story of a princess who has to embark on an epic adventure to save her people from an evil mage. She falls in love with more than one guy during her journey and sugar and spice, there are some really hot sex scenes.
My fingers return to the task at hand stroking lazy circles on my center, and again the hot police officer is on my mind.
I’m so damn wet that, like before, my fingers struggle to find friction and my inner walls begin aching to be filled as this hollow feeling makes me yearn for more.
My kingdom for a dildo, I think when the feeling becomes so overwhelming that I feel crazy with need.
Think Magnolia, think.
Maybe I could find something to use instead of a dildo and I swear tomorrow I’ll go back to the Magical Rooster and buy myself one.
How can I be the only girl I know who doesn’t own a blooming dildo? Seriously.
But there’s no point dwelling on what I don’t have, I’d rather find a solution than focus on the problem.
Jen owns some but borrowing someone else’s sex toy unless you’re sleeping with that person ... eww. My bestie told me once that she went through a phase of experimentation with vegetables but I’m shit outta luck. I used the last cucumber for my salad at lunch and we really need to go grocery shopping.
I look around my room and ... bingo!
There’s a rather promising looking deodorant can on my night stand. I grab the can and think that’s the right size for what I need, so without too much hesitation, I lower the can between my thighs and rub the rather cold material on my overheated skin.
Do I need lube? I think about it but then I decide against it. I’m so wet that if I rub the can against my sensitive skin a little more, my own juices should be more than enough.
I carefully line up the can with my entrance and begin pushing it in, marveling at the fact that the deodorant cap has a smooth, round finish that serves perfectly as a tip.
Before I know it, almost the whole can is inside me and I very easily get into the perfect rhythm as I move it in an out in increasingly fast and deep strokes.
If I didn’t already know it, my ex was truly useless at sex because I’d never even come close to orgasm through penetration with him but this ... this feels incredible.
It takes only a couple more thrusts of the deodorant can for the first wave of bliss to wash over me as my inner walls begin spasming and fluttering as they contract around the metal rod.
I ride the sensation with my eyes closed, relishing the pleasure that makes every nerve ending of my body feel alive until ... pop.
What the heck just happened? No, no hold on a second, this is potentially bad. I can certainly dispense with my normal manners because ... what the fuck just happened?
My inner walls gave a final throbbing contraction and ... the deodorant’s cap came off the can, I realize as I take the can out without its light blue plastic cover.
Ok, no need to panic. Right?
Right. Get ahold of yourself Magnolia and carefully get that plastic cap out. So I do that but my insides are still so slippery that I can’t grasp the edges of the cap. Actually, if anything, I make the situation worse as I can’t grip the edges of the cap. The soft plastic kind of expanded a little bit and it’s sitting completely flush with my inner walls. My attempt to grab it did nothing but push the cap further up.
Maybe tweezers will do the job? I think flinging my legs out of bed to go to the bathroom but I never quite make it.
I end curled up on the floor, doubled up in pain. The cap is stuck so far up inside me that the top of it is rubbing against my cervix causing blinding pain every time I move.
Oh, motherfucker! What can I do? I can’t move, seriously every attempt to move is accompanied by waves of searing pain.
But maybe luck is on my side because in my ruinous fall, I knocked my phone off the nightstand and it’s now within reach.
Ok, this is embarrassing but I’ll call Jen. Maybe she’ll be able to come and rescue me, even though she should be at work for a couple more hours. But this is surely an emergency, right?
I dial my bestie’s number and there’s no answer. I try several times with the same result. I should’ve guessed that she wouldn’t have her phone on her at work.
Think, Magnolia, think.
Can I wait until Jen comes home? Oh no, I groan. I just remembered that Jen is going to her parents for dinner tonight and they live on the outskirts of Silver Springs where there’s little to no cell reception. It might be hours before I get help, what can I do?
Maybe if I peed I’d be able to dislodge the cap. But I don’t need to pee and I can’t even get to the bathroom. I really don’t want to pee on the floor and I seriously can’t move without the danger of passing out in pain.
I swallow, trying to calm down as beads of sweat start appearing on my forehead. I’m tense and I’m sure relaxing would actually help my situation. But it’s harder said than done. If I don’t solve this situation, I’ll also miss my date tonight.
Ok, I think with a deep, shuddering breath. There’s only one thing to do. I’m sure the emergency services must have seen worse, right?
Operator: 911 what’s your emergency?
Me: I can’t move. I’m on the floor in my bedroom and I can’t move, it’s too painful. I need help.
Operator: why can’t you move, ma’am? Did you take a fall? Do you have any chest pains or difficulty breathing? Did you twist or break a limb?