Brittany tried to ignore the roaring sound that started in her ears as she drove to Millie’s daycare.
Ayla greeted her at the door with her hands on her hips. “Millie’s fever is 101.2. Don’t send her back until the fever has been gone for twenty-four hours!”
Britt nodded as Ayla picked up a red-faced, screaming Millie and handed her over. Brittany shook off the feeling of bile rising in her throat.
Britt carried Millie to her car and placed her palm on Millie’s scorching hot forehead. Her baby’s agonized screams were interrupted by deep, barking coughs. It seemed as if Millie labored to breathe, and her sweet, brown eyes brimmed over with fear as she stared up at Brittany.
“Oh, God! Sweet girl!” Britt pressed her lips to Millie’s forehead and buckled her into her car seat. “It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.” She didn’t know if she said the words for Millie or herself. Her heart raced out of control, and each breath was a struggle.
Britt started the car and felt her chest tighten when she looked at the gas tank indicator — almost empty. “Shit!” She drove, with waves of terror washing over her each time Millie coughed.
Her arms shook as she carried Millie up two flights of stairs to their apartment. Brittany clutched her daughter in her arms and paced the threadbare living room, trying to soothe the baby. She sank onto the futon, but that only served to make Millie cry harder. She quickly stood, almost knocking over the teal thrift store lamp on the side table.
Hot tears burned the corners of Britt’s eyes, and her heart raced out of control. Did Millie need a doctor? How would she pay for the visit? Her bank account balance now sat at a whopping $17.13. Her gas tank was almost empty. Britt was sure to lose her job, and Justin’s check was late.
She had to ask for help, for Millie.
Brittany pulled her phone out of her bag and dialed her mom with one hand, while clumsily rocking Millie. She didn’t know what else to do.
The call didn’t even ring but went straight to voicemail. Was her mother’s phone off, or did she purposely refuse the call? Britt bit her lip and let the tears fall.
Suddenly, it felt like a pair of strong hands grabbed hold of her lungs, squeezing out all of the air. Britt gasped and hurried to set her screaming baby back into the car seat before she dropped her. Brittany collapsed on the floor next to Millie, sucking in air between sobs and clawing at her racing heart.
“What is happening to me?” Brittany wailed aloud. “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” She clutched her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth.
All at once, Justin slammed the apartment door again. Britt’s step-father waved an angry finger in her face. Her mother pursed her lips in disapproval and told her to terminate the pregnancy. Lisa glowered at her and looked at the clock. Ayla judged, and the angry customer yelled. Millie screamed for comfort that Brittany couldn’t offer.
The screams bounced around her head.
Brittany lay on the floor, sobbing, fighting for air, failing…
Alone.
Her cell phone rang. Was it her mother? Was she going to help them? Britt answered without looking to see who was calling.
“Hi? Brittany?” A quiet voice greeted her. “This is Jen, um, Millie’s other grandma. I know you said not to call, but I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I needed to call. I just, I’m sorry. I’ll let you go, but I just wanted to make sure you and Millie are doing all right.”
“Jennifer?” Brittany’s voice was still deep and husky from crying, and her breathing was ragged. Millie’s coughs and cries echoed in the background of their conversation. Pride told Brittany to hang up the phone.
Britt looked at her screaming, red-faced infant. Millie needed help. She felt the panic that coursed through her and decimated her body. Brittany needed help, too.
Finally, she said, “Millie is sick, and I don’t know what to do…”
“Oh, dear!” Jennifer replied. “I can be there in twenty minutes! Would that be all right?”
“Yes,” Britt croaked, surprised at the words coming out of her mouth. She and Millie didn’t need anyone. Except, maybe they did.
***
By the time Jennifer arrived, Britt had regained the ability to breathe, but Millie still wailed and coughed. Jennifer stood in the doorway, clutching her purse and shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She gestured towards Millie. “May I?” she asked.
Britt nodded, so Jennifer stooped and lifted Millie from her car seat. “Hello, little angel!” she said. “Oh, you are just burning up, aren’t you? And you got a yucky cough! Poor baby!”
Millie gazed up at her grandmother, and Brittany noticed that they had the same big brown eyes.
Jennifer turned to Brittany as Millie let out a few more coughs and a feeble cry. “It sounds like croup. Has she seen a doctor yet? Or had any Tylenol?”
“No, I just picked her up from daycare about an hour ago. Um, and I don’t have any baby Tylenol. I should have gotten some on my way home, but I wasn’t thinking.” Brittany’s cheeks flushed. She should have thought of that.
“That’s all right.” Jennifer said, “I stopped on my way over here, just in case you hadn’t had a moment to go to the store yet.” She produced a bottle of the clear, cherry-flavored medicine from her purse and handed it to Brittany.
“Thank you.” Brittany took the bottle and then asked, “What’s croup? Is that bad? Is she going to be sick for a long time?”
“Croup means the airways are swollen. It can be scary, but most babies get this and are just fine. It usually lasts about a week, but a doctor can give them steroids to help open up the airways.” Jennifer rocked Millie in her arms as she began to fuss.
Britt bit her lip and tried to wipe away the newest tears that sprang to her eyes. “I’m going to lose my job if Millie can’t go to daycare for a whole week.” Brittany turned to the kitchen counter to measure out a dose of Tylenol for Millie.
Jennifer cleared her throat and said, “Oh dear… well, I mean, I could watch her for you.” Jennifer’s eyes were full of hope. “I’m retired now, and I would love to spend more time with this little darling. It could just be until Millie gets better, or possibly a more permanent thing. Of course, only if you’re comfortable with that.”
Brittany paused, holding the syringe filled with medicine. She didn’t trust anyone and didn’t believe that this woman she barely knew wanted to help her.
“I don’t have any money left over to pay you. Millie’s daycare is the same monthly fee, whether I bring her or not. I’ve already spent all the money I have for childcare until next month.” As an afterthought, she added, “And your son’s payment is late.”
“Oh, Justin!” Jennifer rolled her eyes. “I’ll talk to him!”
Brittany walked over to where Jennifer stood, holding Millie. She gently pushed the syringe into her baby’s mouth and said, “I don’t know you, and I don’t want any contact with your son.”
“I don’t blame you for that. It’s not right what he did to you and this sweet angel. It’s just not right! And I let him know that every time I speak to him.” Jennifer’s lower lip trembled. “Let me help you, Brittany. You don’t need to pay me, not ever. And I’ll watch Millie any time you need, for as long as you need.”