“So it’s starting to look like a real baby?”
“I guess so. I mean, you can’t see it yet really, but yeah. Sounds like it.”
“Wow. No wonder I’m so tired all the time.”
That did make sense when it was laid out like that. “Are you tired now?”
“I’m never not tired. I get a random burst of energy where I feel like Sonic the Hedgehog, then I’m a zombie for the rest of the day.” She sat up, leaning on her hands. “And I think I’m hungry again.”
“Something else that makes sense.” I stood up and grabbed her hands, pulling her up after me. She made an “oof” noise as she got to her feet and stumbled right into me, almost knocking the wind out of me, too.
“Sorry,” she muttered, tugging on her dress so it fell correctly down to her knees.
“If you’re that sorry, can you get off my foot?”
She darted back with a snort. “Sorry. Again. Damn it.”
“It’s fine.” I smirked and took her hand to help her down the rest of the trail. Not that she was fragile or anything, but it was getting dark in earnest now and the trail was uneven in places. She was tired, too, and I wanted to make sure she made it down and back to the truck safely.
Thankfully, we did. Neither of us said a word as I got the truck door for her and helped her climb in.
I didn’t know what to say to her. I knew this was hard for her, and I’d meant every word I’d said when she’d voiced her worries earlier. There was no way that any of my time spent with Ivy would be wasted, even if a relationship did go nowhere. I wasn’t going to start dating now, not when she needed me.
Of course, that could have easily been my own feelings talking for me, but I didn’t think so.
I was going to be there every day she needed me, for as long as she needed me.
The idea of anyone else being there for her gutted me. Literally made me want to tear out my own eyeballs and eat them.
I couldn’t bear the thought of it.
Shit, if I was honest, I was falling for her.
I had been for a while, just wrapped it up under nonsense and bullshit because it was hard to admit that I was falling in love with someone who didn’t even know.
I rolled my shoulders as I turned toward our building. I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, but I’d said that a thousand times already. I knew her fears were real and rational, and I accepted them.
I just wished that I wasn’t a part of any of them, even if it was her doubting her own feelings and not mine.
The funny thing was that I didn’t doubt her feelings. I really, truly fucking believed they were real. I believed she felt the things she did, whatever they were, because they were real and honest and true, and I wasn’t going to change my mind on that.
I wish I knew how to make her believe it.
I pulled into the parking lot and then my space. We sat for a moment after I killed the engine. Ivy stared straight ahead, and just when I thought she was going to break the seemingly never-ending silence, she popped the door open and jumped out of the truck.
With a sigh, I did the same and followed her into the building. The elevator was working after a few days’ maintenance, and she’d already called it by the time I joined her.
The silver doors whirred open, revealing the empty interior, and I put my hand on the doors to let her step in first. I followed her in and hit the button for our floor, staring as the doors slid shut again.
Still silence.
It stretched forever between us, and the worst part was that I knew that the longer it went on, the harder it would be to break. And I didn’t mean break by just saying goodnight, I meant by actually finishing the discussion from earlier.
Because it wasn’t finished. I knew that. She knew that. And it had to be finished at some point—sooner rather than later was my preference.
Yet I could see how tired she was. I could see it in the small dark circles that were forming under her eyes, how the spark had diminished in them just a little. She carried her shoulders slightly hunched over, and she had her arms wrapped around her waist as if she were hugging herself for comfort.
No matter how badly I wanted to finish it, she needed to sleep right now.
The elevator stopped on our floor, and I once again put my hand out so Ivy could get out safely. She dug in her purse for her keys as I pulled mine from my pocket. Once she’d unlocked her door she paused and turned back to me.
Her tired eyes met mine. “Sorry for finishing your birthday on a downer.”
“Don’t worry. Get some sleep and text me in the morning, okay?”
She nodded and stepped inside. All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and drag her to my room where I could fall asleep with her curled up next to me.
I sighed and let myself into my apartment as soon as she was safely inside hers. It was a jolt, given that it still looked like a party store had thrown up in here.
“Oh, you’re back.” Anna strolled into the kitchen. “How was your night?”
“Fine.” I tossed my keys onto the coffee table and joined her, gratefully accepting the water she offered.
“Fine? Ooh, that doesn’t sound good.” She closed the fridge and leaned over the island, toying with the bottle. “What happened?”
I waved my hand as I uncapped my water. “It’s nothing. It’s fine.”
“Did Ivy get hit on?”
“No. And that doesn’t help.”
“Then tell me what happened.”
She wasn’t going to give this up.
I briefly recapped the conversation I’d had with Ivy not so long ago.
“And you’re bummed? Over that?” Anna raised an eyebrow.
“Forget it.” I pushed off from the island and headed for my room. “Forget I said anything.”
“You’re so dumb.”
I stopped and dropped my head back. “Now what am I doing wrong?”
“Why don’t you fight it?”
“Fight what? Her feelings?” I turned back to her. “Her feelings are valid, Anna. I can’t force her to feel things she’s not sure about.”
“She is sure. She knows how she feels, Kai, it’s everything else that’s muddling it for her. It’s only been two weeks since you found out she was pregnant. Just go and tell her she’s fucking insane and you know she has feelings for you.”
“Yeah? And how would you react if someone said that to you?”
“I’d punch them in the dick.”
“Exactly. And I like my dick how it is, thanks.”
“Oh, you deserve the dick punch,” Anna mused, reaching up and tying her hair in a messy knot with the hair tie from her wrist. “I just… Don’t want to see you hurt because you didn’t have the balls to fight for her.”
“What on Earth are you talking about?”
“I knew Kyle was cheating on me,” she said, glancing down. “I didn’t have proof or anything, but I knew. The signs were there. The relationship was over a long time, and he’d stopped fighting. If I did something that annoyed him, he ignored it, whereas before he would have told me to quit it. If something went wrong or there was a miscommunication, he wouldn’t try to fix it. There was no fight for the relationship or for me. It was only me fighting. I would have given anything for him to have told me the truth, whether that was him fighting for me or him moving on.”