I pointed in the direction of poor Susanna who’d never quite gotten used to their ruckus at the weekly bingo sessions. They were currently jostling for position in front of her which, for two women of their age, was really quite concerning.
They’d break a hip if they fell over.
Naturally, nobody helped.
Apparently old people liked a cat fight as much as everyone else.
They were only human.
“Shouldn’t someone stop them?” Kai asked, eying the way they were jostling each other.
I shook my head. “They’ll call the orderlies soon.”
“The orderlies?”
“Well, I think they’re technically the nurses, but there’s two of them who always keep the peace. They work every bingo night for this reason right here.”
“They both live in the old people’s home?”
“Grandma splits her time,” I said slowly. “But officially, yes. Tori is all Agatha’s got in town since her parents moved to Florida, but she’s allergic to cats and Tori won’t give up Genevieve.”
“That feels somewhat strategic.”
“Totally strategic,” I agreed, reaching for my glass of water. “Also, Gen is the sweetest cat, and I’d take her over Agatha, too.”
“Cats are better than people.”
“Can we get a cat?”
“This morning you cried over a dog rescue commercial and tearfully swore to rescue all the dogs and let them live in my spare room. Now you want a cat?” Kai raised an eyebrow.
“I can’t be held responsible for what my hormones make me say.” I snorted. “Besides, if you hadn’t burned my toast, I wouldn’t have wanted to cry in the first place.”
“Oh dear, are they at it again?” Randy, Kinsley’s grandfather, rejoined our table.
I pursed my lips and nodded. “Simultaneous bingo.”
“Are the order keepers here yet?”
“I think they feel the ripples in the cosmos,” Mabel, Saylor’s grandma, interjected. “Then go on their break.”
“I don’t blame them.” Kai was watching the fight with a little too much interest.
Mabel elbowed Randy. “Well? Go and sort it out, Randy. One of them will put their hip our, and it’s not like Agatha has any hips left!”
Well, that was up for debate. She was still telling her doctor she needed her hips replaced but since he kept refusing, that told me Agatha had a little more hip than she’d let off.
The weekly bingo fights didn’t help her cause much, either.
“Go,” I said to Kai, waving my hand in their direction. “Go and help him! He’s eighty!”
Kai did as I said, following Randy up to the front where Susanna was desperately speaking into a radio. I swore I heard her call mayday at one point, but Randy and Kai each grabbed a grandma and wrestled them away from each other.
They didn’t stand a chance with Kai, to be honest.
He probably could have hauled both grandmas over his shoulder and ran with them without breaking a sweat, but Randy was inordinately fit for his age.
Then again, I think he’d been a weightlifter.
Mabel shivered from across the table. “Isn’t it sexy, Ivy? Seeing two strapping young men being all strong?”
I pouted and tilted my head to the side. Strapping… that could apply to them both. Young? Eh… not so much. “Sure,” I replied anyway, not wanting to offend her.
I knew Mabel was touchy about her age.
“How are you, dear?” she asked, touching my hand without looking at me. Her gaze was firmly fixed on Randy and how he was wrestling Agatha away from poor Susanna.
“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”
“No, I mean how’s the baby?”
“Making me throw up on a semi-regular basis and giving me a valid excuse to eat my body weight in ice cream.” I smiled tightly and looked down at my bingo card.
I had no idea why I came. I never won.
“You should be careful with that, you know. My Olivia gained forty pounds when she was pregnant with her Saylor,” Mabel said. “Took her three years to lose the weight, and even then, I think she adopted another ten back. Hasn’t been able to get rid of it since.”
Olivia had gained more than ten pounds—and happily, I would add—but I didn’t say that out loud. “I will keep that in mind, Mabel, thanks.”
“You should. You’re very pretty and far too young to lose your figure.”
Again. Why did I come here?
“Did you use protection?”
“Oookay,” Kai said, slipping into his chair next to me. “A very nice nurse named Cordelia is taking your grandmother back to her room, and Randy is taking Agatha to hers. Your grandma said we should leave now before anyone gossips about her.”
Thank God for small mercies.
“It was lovely seeing you, Mabel,” I lied. “I’ll keep your advice in mind.”
“You do that, honey.” She saluted me, and I let Kai drag me out of the hall and into the cooler air outside.
I hooked my arm through his and leaned into him. “Thank God for that.”
“What advice did she give you?”
I relayed her words.
“Nice,” he drawled. “She’s a real peach.”
“Oh, you have no idea. Have you ever watched Mean Girls?”
“No. I don’t watch girly films.”
“You watch True Blood with me.”
“Yeah, but is that girly? There’s a lot of violence in that. If there’s romance, I need some violence.”
“Don’t say that again.” I patted his arm. “People will get the wrong idea.”
It took him a moment before he got it. “In my TV shows.”
“Maybe add that on to the real sentence?”
“Good idea,” he agreed, waiting for the road to clear before we crossed it. “It’s still early. Do you want ice cream?”
I shook my head.
“Don’t tell me Mabel got to you.”
“No, but I bought two more cartons this morning, and it seems frivolous to buy some from The Waffle Cone when I can go home, take off these pants, and eat it half-naked on my sofa.”
“Can I eat ice cream half naked on your sofa?”
“No. You have to be totally naked.”
“Can I eat you after?”
“Depends. Is there chocolate sauce for that, too?”
Kai burst out laughing and wrapped his arm around me. He tucked me right into his side, and he was still shaking from his chuckles. “Do you want me to trickle chocolate sauce all over you? Don’t you think that’s a little kinky for this early on?”
“Yes, and the night I got pregnant was oh-so-vanilla.” My tone was as dry as dry could be as I referred to the night when he’d first spread my legs on the counter to lick my pussy, then bent me over said counter to fuck me before taking me into the bedroom to finish the night there.
See?
So, so vanilla.
“Point well made,” Kai mused. “I guess it’s not so kinky after all then.”
“Do we have to discuss this in public?”
“You mentioned the chocolate sauce.”
“Eh.” I guess I did. “No, sorry, I’m out of it.”