“Wow. I feel like I’ve walked into a photo shoot for home interiors.”
Luke smiles. “You like it then?”
“Like it? I love it.”
He ushers me to the L-shaped sofa. “Do you want something to drink? To eat?”
I shake my head. “No, thanks.”
It’s time for Luke to know everything. I was a total chicken at Shelby’s wedding but no more. I got this. I hope.
Before I lose my nerve, I dive in. “I want to tell you what happened with Rose.”
“Rose?” His eyes widen in surprise. “You named the baby after Grams?”
I nod. “She raised you after your mom died.” There’s no need to elaborate. I know how much his grandmother meant to him.
“It was a girl, then? The baby?”
“I don’t know.” I notice a string on my sweater is loose and start pulling on it.
We sit there for a few minutes while I pretend to find the loose string fascinating. Eventually, Luke clears his throat. “You were going to tell me what happened.”
Deep breath. I can do this. “I was already pregnant when you deployed.” I roll my eyes. “Obviously. Anyway, I was twenty weeks when I started having problems. You know, bleeding.” I keep my eyes on the loose string of my sweater as if it’s the most riveting thing I’ve ever seen.
“Twenty weeks. Shit. That’s more than four and a half months.”
“Everyone thinks any danger of losing the baby is gone after the first trimester. It’s not true.”
Luke moves to sit next to me on the sofa. He takes my hand and holds it tight. “What went wrong?”
“I have an ‘incompetent cervix’.” I release his hands to make air quotes.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means my cervix is too weak to hold a pregnancy.” Which is why I will never have children, but Luke doesn’t need to know anything about my future. He doesn’t deserve it.
“Damn, Vi. I’m sorry.” Luke pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. “I should have been there.”
I push him away. “I don’t blame you for not being there. I was – I am – proud of you for serving your country. I’m not mad about that.”
“But you blame me for something?”
I shake my head. “No. I mean yes. Initially, I did. I blamed you for me losing the baby, which was wrong. It’s my fault. I’m defective.”
“You’re not defective. You had a medical issue. It’s over. You can’t blame yourself for it.” I don’t bother correcting him to tell him my medical issue isn’t resolved.
“I don’t blame you anymore. It was childish, but I am mad at you.”
“You’re mad?”
“Hell yeah, I am.” Mostly I’m sad now the truth’s come out but holding onto my anger is the sole way to prevent me from drowning in sorrow.
“About?” Luke prompts.
“I was still struggling with depression when you came home. It was only a month and a half after I lost Rose. But instead of giving me a shoulder to lean on, you stomped all over my heart. Yeah, I’m mad.”
He grabs my hands again. I try to pull away, but he holds on tight. “I’m sorry. I was a fucking idiot. I never should have believed Tommy.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. You should have at least let me explain my side of the story. It was a hug. Nothing more.” And now I am really getting mad. “We were together for years. Years! And you believed a friend you hadn’t seen since high school instead of talking with me.”
Tommy always was an asshole. He was mean and a bully in school, but now is not the time to bring up my problems with him. Luke never listened to me about Tommy before, why would he now?
“What can I say to make this better?”
I have no idea. I used to dream Luke would come back and drop to his knees and ask me for forgiveness. Now, I realize how childish those dreams were. As if dropping to his knees would be enough of an apology for his actions.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.” He nods. “I’ll figure something out.”
I nearly laugh. He makes it sound easy. It’s not. Even if I manage to forgive him. I can never forget what happened. How he tossed me aside like a used condom.
Luke rubs his thumb over the pulse point in my wrist. Goosebumps break out over my body at his gentle touch. “I want to try again.”
“Try what again?”
“You, me, us.”
My mouth drops open. I must be hearing things. “You want to date?”
“Yeah. I mean. Why not?”
“Why not? You want to date me because you have nothing better to do or something?” This time when I try to pull my hands away, I succeed. I stand. “I need to leave.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me back down on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean I still care about you, and I’d like to spend time with you, just the two of us getting to know each other again.”
“I don’t know. There’s not a little water under the bridge. No, there’s a flood. I’m not sure I can ever forgive you for what happened.” I raise my hand when he opens his mouth. “And even if I can forgive you, I will never forget what happened. How could I trust you?”
“Trust is earned.” Luke stands and pulls me to my feet. “And I plan to earn your trust again.”
I stare at him. Is he serious? He wants to try again? He still cares about me? I want to tell him where he can shove his good intentions, but something stops me. Some tiny voice in my head reminds me he didn’t know about Rose and I can’t blame him for not knowing. Damn it. Fine. I’ll go out on a date with the man. One date.
“Are you free Friday?”
“You aren’t letting grass grow under your feet, are you?”
“Stop stalling and tell me you’re free on Friday, so I can take you out.”
“Fine.” Probably best to get this charade over with. “Text me the time and place where I can meet you.”
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear as he shakes his head. “Like I’d let you drive to our date. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
I nod before hightailing it out of there. Maybe Shelby’s right, I am trouble. Why else did I agree to go out with the man who not only has the power to destroy my heart but has done so in the past? I may very well be the world’s biggest idiot.
Chapter 18
Who told women starving themselves on a date is attractive? It’s not. And no, you can not have one of my fries. ~ Luke’s Secret Thoughts
“You look beautiful,” I tell Violet when she opens the door. Beautiful is the wrong word. She looks sexy as fuck, but I don’t think she’d appreciate me telling her I find her the sexiest woman in the world right now. Maybe later. My eyes rove over the jeans hugging her curves in all the right places, and the V-neck sweater dipping low allowing a peek of her cleavage. My jeans tighten as the blood rushes from my head south. It’s going to be a long night.
Violet starts to fidget. “What? You told me to dress casually.”