It takes me about an hour or so until it’s done. Carter and Logan sit at the kitchen table, talking in hushed tones, probably about me. I ignore them and make a simple lettuce and tomato salad, keeping a vigilant eye on my garlic bread so it doesn’t burn. Once the lasagna is cool enough, I cut up a slice and put it on a plate, placing it on a wooden tray I made in my freshman year in woodshop. I try not to remember I had made it with Mr. E in mind. I add a small salad, two slices of garlic bread, and a water bottle from the fridge to it, before going upstairs.
“I’m going to take this up to Val,” I tell them, Logan’s concerned eyes instantly softening.
“I’ll save you some, too,” he says, but we both know my appetite has been shot to shit. I love the fucker anyway for trying.
When I get to Valentina’s room, her shades are slightly closed, giving the room a somber feel to it.
“I brought you something to eat,” I mumble, and sit at the edge of her bed, placing the tray on her bedside table.
“I’m not hungry,” she utters.
“It’s your dad’s recipe. I followed it as best as I could.”
Her weary eyes look at me, the unshed tears sparkling the gold in them.
“Will you eat with me?” she chokes out, strangling my heart further.
I nod, even though food is the last thing on my mind, but if it will get Val to eat something, then I’ll have to make the effort. She takes a small bite as one tear falls to her plate, and a trace of a smile begins to surface on her face.
“It tastes like his.”
My own meek grin tugs on the corner of my lips.
“I doubt that.”
“Try it,” she commands, taking a forkful and bringing it up to my mouth.
I close my lips over the fork, and wouldn’t you know it, but it does taste similar to his. I open my eyes and see her golden eyes water further.
Mine start to prick at their corners as she takes another bite, only to go back to the plate and offer me another forkful. I take it. Full wet tears trail down her face as she eats, and I swipe them away with my thumb, making sure not to interrupt her meal. Her trembling fingers do the same to the tears I’m shedding as she feeds me yet another forkful. This goes on for a few minutes, until there is nothing left on the plate.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I nod, getting up from the bed, but she holds onto my wrist when I try to pick up the tray.
“Don’t go,” she hushes.
She pulls the duvet down and scoots over on the bed, just enough for me to get in. Silently, I take off my shoes and do as she asks. Valentina places her head on my chest, and I pull her closer to me.
“I miss him,” she whispers.
“Me too.”
She hugs me tighter, her tears tattooing their pain onto my skin.
“I don’t know how to go on. Not without him.”
My throat tightens as I cry soundlessly, her words mimicking my own. She raises her chin on my chest, watching me as I run my fingers through her hair
“We’ll be okay. Won’t we?” she asks, unsure.
“I hope so.”
After a long silent pause, she lays back down beside me, her head back on my chest, listening to the organ that refuses to work.
“He loved you, you know?” she hushes, breaking my heart even more.
A loud sob leaves my throat, and I have to bite my knuckles just so I don’t break down right here.
“Quaid,” she hushes, full on crying now.
I pull her up and place my head on the crook of her neck. She weaves her fingers through my hair, offering me solace when she can’t find her own. I immediately feel like a selfish prick for bringing my misery to her when she hasn’t been able to escape hers.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” she cries.
I’ve never cried like this before.
Never like this.
Nothing in my wretched life has ever merited a tear. But here I am now, rivers falling from me, threatening to pull me under until I drown under its ruthless tidal wave of suffering. We hold each other with such fierceness, afraid if we let go, the pain will inevitably suffocate us. But in this very moment, as we are both being swallowed whole by grief’s cruelty, I feel his presence in my love’s embrace.
Valentina begins to kiss my wet cheeks, and I do the same to hers. We’re a fucking mess, and still, it feels like we haven’t even touched the worst of it yet, but a flicker of hope tells us it will not be our end.
“I loved him so much.”
“I did, too,” I choke out.
“I’m so scared, Quaid. I’m so scared.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t accept that. You are your father’s daughter, princess. So whenever you forget that you hold his strength inside you, I’ll be here to remind you. I fucking swear it. I once promised him that I would give you the world if you asked. You know what he said to me?”
“What?”
“That you didn’t need the world. You already had what was most important—love. And if I wanted to promise him something, then to promise him that I would always make sure you were loved in every way possible. I will never break my word. Not to him. And not to you.”
“I know you won’t.” She sighs as we clean the remnants of our tears away. “He’s going to miss so much. My graduation day from college. My residency at a hospital. My wedding day. The birth of his grandchildren. He’s going to miss out on all of it.”
“No. I don’t believe that for a second either. He’s here, Val.” I press my open palm to her heart. “He lives inside you.”
She leans in and places a wet, chaste kiss on my lips.
“I love you. If tomorrow never comes, I need you to know that I love you.”
Fuck.
I grab her and push her on top of me, needing to hold on to her just as fiercely as I need to hold on to this moment right here.
“I love you, Valentina. And tomorrow will come for us, Princess. I promise you. And I’ll make you another promise. When I die, I vow that I’ll still love you just as much as I do in this very moment. Not even death can tear us apart.”
“Promise?” she sobs.
“Until my very last breath.”
Chapter 13
Now
_____________________________________
Valentina
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Is she breathing?”
“Her head is bleeding!”
“Call a fucking ambulance!”
Why do their voices sound all wrong? I think blearily as my eyes creak open.
There’s dampness on my face. Where am I? Struggling, I move my hand tentatively to my face to see why it’s so wet. My hand comes back slightly sticky, and I frown, trying to remember what happened and where I am.
The rain.
We were walking through the rain. To a river cruise.
It comes back all at once, and my eyes fly open. Carter’s talking to someone on the phone, although yelling is actually a better way to describe it. Logan is on his knees next to me, holding my hand. Quaid is pacing back and forth, anxiously watching me.
“She’s awake!” Quaid yells just then, and I flinch because fuck, my head hurts so bad.