She presses her lips together, her eyes searching mine, looking deep for something that I’m not sure she’s going to find. I don’t have the answers for her, never did. Just like she did a few weeks ago and seventeen years ago, she’s going to have to make this decision all on her own.
“Sebastian got caught up in the Russian mafia, I couldn’t just let something happen to him.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
FORD
Stephanie’s words cause my entire body to freeze, but I shake them off, deciding that I’ll dive into that shit later. Right now, it’s not my concern. Nothing but Stephanie concerns me and if that fuckwit gets caught up and killed by some mafia guys, that’s his problem, not mine.
“Are you safe?”
“I am. The man in charge assured me that Sebastian’s dealings did not have anything to do with me. Sebastian was threatening to sell the sex tapes to pay off some of his debt, that is the only way I was ever involved.”
Nodding, I can’t deny that although that eases my mind, it only does so slightly. “You met with members of the mafia?” I practically shout.
Her body jerks, her eyes widening and she shrugs a shoulder, as if it’s not a big deal. Not. A. Big. Deal. Grinding my teeth together, I shake my head, trying to make sense of this conversation.
I’ve never had anything like this happen before. The mafia was always just something that was in the movies, never even crossed my radar as still being very real.
“Well, yeah. I wanted to find out what was really happening. What they wanted as payment.”
Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my hair, trying to keep from throttling her right here in the middle of her fancy-assed California living room. I can’t fathom any of this. Not a single fucking part of what she’s saying to me and how nonchalant she’s being.
“Stephanie,” I growl. “What the fuck?”
“He was going to sell a sex tape of me, Ford, of us. I don’t know what’s on the one he had of he and I, but do you want the world to see you having sex?”
“If it means life or death, then who the fuck cares?”
She shakes her head, obviously just as frustrated with me as I am with her. “I care, Ford.”
Taking a step back, I turn around, unable to look at her. I’m scared. For her, for her safety, for the future. It terrifies me completely. She’s getting wrapped up in the mafia, she’s putting herself in the middle and on their radar when she didn’t have to be.
I feel her hand against the center of my back, then she tilts her head and rests it against my arm. “Don’t be upset, he promised me that I wasn’t being held responsible. He also said that he got the copies of the sex videos and destroyed them.”
Absolutely nothing that she’s just told me makes me feel any better at all whatsoever. Not even fucking slightly.
“I can’t protect you against the mafia, Stephanie,” I practically whisper.
Saying the words aloud makes me feel sick. My stomach clenches and I look down at my feet.
“I never asked you to,” she murmurs.
Snapping my head to the side, I look down at her. “Yeah? Did you want me to be your man?”
Her eyes widen and she takes a step back, probably feeling my anger swell and fill the room around us, I know that I do. It’s begging to be unleashed, but I’ll keep it under control, at least until I’m away from her. I’ve never taken my anger out on her, and I don’t plan on starting now.
“Ford,” she breathes.
“I don’t know what you want, Stephanie. You’re hot, then cold. You’re with me, then you run. Been waiting seventeen years for some kind of closure with you. Just when I think that maybe closure ain’t gonna happen, that maybe we could work out, you pump the brakes.”
“You don’t understand. I do want you, Ford. I want us, but I have a whole life here and I can’t just walk away tomorrow.”
“So what? How long do I sit back on my ranch, holding my dick and waiting for you to grace me with your presence, another seventeen years?”
“That’s not fair,” she whispers.
“It isn’t?”
There’s a long moment of silence, one where we stare at one another. My decision was made before we even started this talk.
It’s time for me to go, it’s time for her to make some hard decisions. If she doesn’t want me, she needs to say so. I’m done waiting, done knowing something in my life is missing.
I’m just done.
I’m tired.
Inhaling a deep breath, I wait for her to respond. Her eyes search mine and she shakes her head once. “No, Ford. It’s not fair. I never told you to put your life on hold. I never expected you to. Maybe we’re just meant to be. I like to think that’s why we haven’t found anyone else. It’s always been you for me.”
Pressing my lips in a straight line, I watch, and I wonder. I shouldn’t wonder out loud, but I do anyway. “Has it? Or maybe it’s been your career for you and you for me?”
The bitterness that I thought I was over, it reappears and it’s ugly as fuck. Stephanie takes a step back from me, stumbling before she rights herself.
I shouldn’t have said what I did, but fuck, I’ve been thinking it for a hell of a long time. The words just came out and now there’s no putting them back inside. They’re here and they are fucking real.
“That’s not fair, not at all,” she whispers. “You know that’s not what happened. I would have regretted not coming out here my entire life.”
Nodding, I inhale a deep breath. “I know. Regardless, you never gave me the option to choose what I wanted. You took that choice away from me. You ran. Then you did it all over again, and I swallowed my pride. I came out here and I find out you’ve been mixed up with the mafia for that piece of shit? All so strangers don’t see you fucking him, fucking me? You ever done a sex scene for your job?”
I already know the answer. She may be America’s Sweetheart, but she’s done a few sex scenes, though never showed much in any of them. Side of a tit, an ass cheek, an O face.
That’s not my point though.
It’s that the world has already seen a still shot of her in action, plus the movies she’s done, it’s not an overreach that they can imagine an actual raw footage scene.
“It’s not the same. You know it’s not.”
“Stephanie,” I whisper. “You’ve made your choice. Haven’t you?”
“I have.” She nods. “I’m quitting the business and coming back to Texas.”
I’m surprised by her words, but they don’t sit right with me, because that’s not what she’s doing. She’s saying the right things, but it’s not what she’s actually doing.
“You let me know when that happens, honey,” I rasp, taking a step toward her. Reaching out, I cup her cheek.
“Ford, don’t,” she breathes, reaching up and wrapping her fingers around my wrist.
I shake my head. “I can’t. Not anymore. I thought I would be okay. That I could do this, but I can’t.”
Taking a step back, my hand falls from her face and her fingers release my wrist. I hear the honk of the horn outside. My ride. Her eyes flick to the door and it’s as if she has it all figured out. Turning from her, I make my way over to my bag that’s beside the door.