“And why does it have to be this one? We can—”
“You’re still fool hearted enough to think that love and sex are some sort of fucking answer. That’s your problem. You yourself said you were never objective enough to distinguish truth from the fiction in your head. Love and sex don’t help anything. My brother loved you. Was in love with you when he died to protect you, and so was Sean. What exactly did that help? Nothing. It solves nothing. It fixes nothing. It causes problems and complications. You’re blind if you think otherwise.”
“No, you are. Because they knew I loved them back. And I can love them for who they were to me and what we shared, just like any other woman with a past lover and friend. But time didn’t grant me the gift of separation. I got my experiences, my education, all at once. And it wrecked me. But I won’t regret it. I won’t regret any of it. I won’t apologize for it. Because it’s not nothing. And you’ll just have to fucking accept it. But that all fell away the first time you touched what wasn’t yours to touch, and you knew damn well what it was then and what it is now. And it’s not nothing!”
Snow begins to pour heavily from the sky as I fight for his stare and win.
“It’s everything, Tobias. It’s everything that’s important. If I’m hanging onto something, then it’s that. You taught me the difference between truth and fiction, and you made damn sure I knew where your place was.” I beat my chest with my fist. “No matter how we came to be, we were and still are. You stole my heart, and you let me love you with it, and you made damn sure I knew where its home was. You want to play innocent now, paint me the whore who got in the way, well that’s you being a coward, and really too fucking convenient of an excuse. You lying bastard, you knew exactly what you were doing.”
“I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I didn’t know seeing you a foot away from them the minute they came back would fucking destroy me the way it did. I hated knowing…” he slams his hands against the side table and roars before flipping it over, his eyes wild with jealousy and fear. Fear for admitting what it’s taken years to admit. “I didn’t know how fucking possessed I was until I saw the way they loved you.”
I stand deathly still as he lifts livid eyes to mine.
Unexpected calm washes over me. “I’m still yours, Tobias.”
He shakes his head, a war raging inside of it.
“I was always meant to be yours. You said so yourself before everything went to hell. And they knew it when they saw us together, just like I did, just like you do. That’s why my mind won’t let me forget, that’s why my heart continues to torture me. It doesn’t matter how it happened, but make no mistake, you made it happen.”
His nostrils flare, but his eyes soften considerably. “You need to let go of the romanticized image of us in your head. We were never anything more than a mistake. A mistake we both paid enough for. Let it go. Let me go.”
“Do you love her?”
“I trust her! I respect her!”
Both of those blows land, sending me spiraling into unimaginable hurt. But his truth is so clear, the part he left out, and it’s the only comfort I can take.
“But you don’t love her.”
“I’m with her. End of.”
“Not end of. You can talk in absolutes all you want, but your hold is still as tight as it was. I feel it. Every single fucking day, I feel it. You haven’t let me go no more than I have you. I don’t want your forgiveness because you will never have mine. But I’m yours. Whatever parts of my heart they claimed they keep, they have their place with me, but you own the rest. All of it, including my mind, my body, and the fractured remnants of my soul. You’re the victor, and these are your spoils, but you’re too much of a fucking coward to acknowledge it, to accept me, to accept us. You’re hiding behind your precious purpose and your brother’s death. You didn’t win me by default, Tobias, I was already yours, you made me yours before your brother died.”
He jerks back as if I’ve slapped him, and in a way, I have. It’s guilt, we’re both battling and the imaginary line he’s drawn that says we aren’t allowed to have the other, not after what we lost.
“One of us has to say it. We knew, we knew what we found, and we didn’t know how to handle it because it started in a way that it shouldn’t have, with the betrayal of two men we both loved. And you think you can’t or don’t deserve to be with me because of this guilt, but this is our reality now, and you aren’t the only one who lost. He’s gone, Tobias, and he’s not coming back, and we can’t change that any more than we can the truth that we still love each other.”
“Damnit, Cecelia. Let it go!”
“Dominic knew, Tobias, he told me he’d never seen you so happy just minutes before he died.”
Tobias shakes his head, his eyes glazing as I step forward.
“I came back to make peace, to grieve his loss, to get answers, but I realize now that I also came back to claim the life I want, with you, because despite the guilt, I know we deserve to live out the rest of our punishment together. We’re the only people that can heal each other. I’m not saying it will be easy, I’m not even saying it will work, but we deserve the chance to try. Because despite it being the cruel truth, it was real, more real than anything I’ve ever felt. More real than your need for revenge or your promises to any other. Right or wrong, my place is with you, and you belong as much to me. Just admit it.”
He jerks me hard into his grip, his fingers curled around my jacket, his eyes filled with emotion as tension rolls off his shoulders. I can feel the break in him, the bleed.
“I love you,” I say softly. “It’s not too late.”
“Cecelia?”
I freeze as his gaze shoots past my shoulder and he releases me, stepping away, turning in the direction of the voice.
Collin.
“Collin, what are you doing here?”
“I’m your fucking fiancé.” He slams open the gate, anger evident in his features as his glare flits to the man standing next to me.
“You were, you were my fiancé.”
Tobias’s eyes roll down his form as I move to intercept Collin, who’s stalking toward us, his eyes narrowing in pure accusation.
“So, it’s you, then?” He says, his posture possessive, threatening in a way I’ve never seen.
I can see the amusement in Tobias’s eyes as he sizes Collin up.
“Collin, stop.” I intercept as he approaches and place a hand on his chest. “What are you doing here?”
He lifts his chin toward Tobias. “What is he doing here?”
“We were just talking.”
Collin charges past me and squares off with Tobias as a surge of apprehension rolls through me. I do my best to get in between them as a sick smile crosses Tobias’s face. “Heard a lot about you.”
“Ironically, I hadn’t heard a word about you until recently,” Collin retorts, his accent riddled with condescension.
Tobias’s smile grows, and he gives Collin a slow wink. “I’m a best-kept secret.”
“Collin,” I interject, “please go inside. I’ll meet you there.”