I reach for his hand, and he runs it along his thigh, denying me. I ignore the sting of rejection.
“My parents were not the type to fight behind closed doors, so I would lock Dominic in the closet with me in the hall just outside their bedroom so I could keep an eye on my mother. Papa was never violent, but he was aggressive enough to scare me.”
I cough out my sarcasm, and he looks at me pointedly. “Shut up.”
“You got it, apple.”
“He wasn’t my birth father.”
“But you are very much Beau’s son.”
“That’s true.” He lights another cigarette and inhales deeply.
“Papa started to talk to me after that. I think he was starting to resent Mom for not understanding that he was trying to do something good, not just for us, but for the other people who worked at the plant. He would take me on walks and give me long speeches on what it meant to be a man. To look out for others. I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought he was trying to raise a good son.”
“Do you think he knew that he was in danger?”
“Looking back now, I think he was losing faith in his hopes for building a life here. Nothing was going as he planned. They were exhausted, not gaining any ground.” He inhales some smoke. “And then the meetings started. They happened in our townhouse, every second week of the month.”
“The brotherhood formed there?”
Tobias nods.
“Frères du Corbeau.” Brothers of The Raven. “I didn’t pay much attention because I was only eleven. But one night, I got bored and hid on the stairwell deciding to listen in. A few of them were calling for drastic actions. Delphine was one of them. You know she’s the one who got my parents the job there.”
I nod.
“She was on board with Papa. A few fights broke out that night, and my mother surprised everyone by standing and speaking out. I’m guessing it was the first time.”
“C’est la peur qui va nous garder en colère, nous garder confus, nous garder pauvres. Nous devons cesser d’avoir peur des hommes comme eux, des gens qui profitent de nous. Si la peur vous arrête, la porte est grande ouverte. Nous ne pouvons pas compter sur vous.” It’s fear that’s going to keep us angry, keep us confused, keep us penniless. We have to stop being afraid of men like this, of the people who take advantage of us. If you’re going to let fear stop you, walk out that door. We can’t afford you.
“I know now that at one time, my mother was an activist, much like my birth father, and when she had me, she stopped her involvement. I think my papa’s disappointment in her and the reason for their fights is that she refused to fight along with him. After she spoke, only one person left that night. The next week my parents died, and no one at that plant was talking. No one knew a single detail about what happened. But Delphine found out the shift supervisor who wasn’t even on the floor when they died, got a raise and a promotion shortly after.”
“Confirming Roman’s guilt.” My stomach drops.
“That was the assumption. After that, Delphine took us in. And that’s when Dominic started to cry, and often.”
Snow begins to settle silently, coating the grounds around us.
“We grew up dirt poor. In some pretty shitty conditions.”
“I saw.”
Tobias pauses, eyeing me. “Her piece of shit of a husband left her a few months before my parents died. She drank a lot and was heavy-handed at times, especially with Dom when he started to act up. It wasn’t all bad, but it…” he sighs. “Well, you saw.”
I nod, batting a tear away.
“A few weeks after we moved in with Delphine, we got a curious visitor.”
“Sean?”
“Yeah,” he says softly. “He was younger, but he just kept coming around. He and Dominic took up together fast, and I was often in charge of watching them and walking them to and from school.” Tobias shakes his head, a soft smile playing on his lips. “He was a fucking mess. His hair was always jacked, always. He was a dirty little shit, always hanging from the trees and never going home until way after dark. He used to sneak into my room at night, and the three of us would go off into the woods. He was fearless, even at seven-years-old. Almost every morning, he tore the clothes off his mother dressed him in and put on the same raggedy shirt. He refused to follow rules, even back then.”
We share a smile.
“Tyler came along just after. We didn’t have much at Delphine’s, but we made do. And the men from the brotherhood never forgot my parents and were our saving grace. They would come by and give us treats. Sometimes they would send clothes and money by mail—little things to help us along the way. My aunt would allow it, and not long after they died, she started hosting meetings in her home. The more time that passed, the more time I would sit in. Delphine was far more extreme. Her ideas on how to fight back were argued about, but for the most part, she was the leader. There were only a handful of the originals left by then. Most of them had died out or left the cause because of what happened to my parents. But the more I listened in, the more I became involved, and on my fifteenth birthday, I stood and spoke for the first time.”
“And they listened.”
He nods.
“Right before I left for prep, I was running the meetings, networking to get more people. And Sean and Dom were starting to pay attention. My plans for the brotherhood had grown exponentially. I would come back home during the summers to be with Dom and Sean, who were slowly becoming more involved. Dom was taking over meetings and running the local chapter by the time I returned after my sophomore year of college, and that was the first time I laid eyes on you.”
That’s when Tobias lifts his eyes to mine and looks at me, really looks at me for the first time, and I feel it down to my toes.
He pulls out my library copy of The Thorn Birds beneath his jacket. It fits easily in the palm of his hand. My eyes widen with shock.
“You were there when I stole it?”
“Dominic lived at the library. It was his favorite place in the world to be. He despised Delphine most days because she was a nasty drunk and escaped there when he wasn’t out gallivanting with Sean. I was there to pick him up, and I ended up browsing while I waited for him. You were a row over when I spotted you, and I didn’t pay you much attention until Roman walked up behind you and told you he would buy you books, and you didn’t need to rent them. You rolled your eyes and called him a ‘butt munch’ under your breath before you stuffed this book in your pants.”
Stunned by his confession, my eyes drift to the book in his hand.
“It’s when I saw you that I knew you were just a kid. Innocent in this and with no knowledge of who your father truly was or his fucked-up business dealings. I knew you weren’t close. He ushered you out, and I followed you both out to the parking lot. You looked so miserable, but you wore this faint smile on your lips. Like you were happy about your silent rebellion in stealing the book.”
No doubt I was. It was the last summer I spent with Roman before we became estranged. Tobias runs his fingers over the tattered binding of the book. “You were just a kid, and I vowed that day to keep you out of it. I kept close tabs on you after, and when you didn’t return after that summer, I assumed it was for good.”