Phyllie’s hand had dropped to her side after Nat removed the photo, making her look incredibly uncomfortable. It was time to wake her.
‘Phyllie?’ Nat kept her voice low, not wanting to scare her.
She repeated her name a few times and then took her hand, planning to give it a gentle squeeze. Nat froze. Phyllie’s hand was cold. Not cool, but cold.
‘Phyllie?’ She spoke louder and gave her a shake. There was no response. Nat put her fingers on her grandmother’s neck, praying she would find a pulse, but all she felt was cold, taut skin. She dropped her hand and sank to her knees.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The tightness in Hannah’s chest seemed to be worsening as each day passed. Phyllie was eighty-nine, they’d all known she was coming to the end of her life, but nothing had prepared Hannah for the shock and grief she would feel at losing the woman who’d filled the role of mother and grandmother for most of her life. Everyone said that time would help heal the loss, but right now she felt like she was suffocating. She’d taken time off from work, and if it wasn’t for Amy, she doubted she’d have the energy to get out of bed each morning. How could they go on without Phyllie’s wisdom and humour in their lives? It was unfathomable. She wasn’t the only one struggling. It was an enormous loss for the entire family. The coroner confirmed the cause of death was a massive stroke, and when Nat had spoken about Phyllie’s drooping cheek and her headache earlier that morning, it all added up. Further discussions also suggested that their concerns about Phyllie showing signs of dementia were wrong. Her headaches, dizziness and memory problems indicated she might have suffered one or possibly several silent strokes.
‘What time’s Nat coming over?’ Damien asked as Hannah stared blankly into her coffee cup.
She looked up, conscious of the worry in his eyes. ‘In about an hour.’
He nodded then came around the island bench and put his arms around her. ‘Why don’t I make you an omelette or some toast and then you go and have a shower before Nat gets here?’
Hannah shook her head. ‘I don’t feel like food.’
Damien sighed. ‘Babe, you have to eat. It’s been a week and you’re fading away. I know how much you’re hurting, and I’d do anything to bring Phyllie back, but I can’t watch you slide into a depression.’
Tears filled Hannah’s eyes. ‘I’m grieving. It’s normal.’
He stroked her hair. ‘I know that, but I also know that if Phyllie were here right now she would give you a swift kick up the backside.’
A gurgled noise, something between a sob and a laugh, escaped Hannah’s mouth. Damien pulled her closer. He was right, of course. Phyllie would be furious if she could see how Hannah, someone she would normally count on to be the strong one in the family, had fallen to pieces.
‘You know, I’m pretty sure that not getting out of your pyjamas three days in a row presents a seventy-four percent increased risk of suffering from depression in the future.’
Hannah pulled back from Damien and looked at him, seeing the humour in his eyes. ‘You made that up.’
He nodded. ‘I did. But that’s the sort of stuff you should be spouting at Nat and your dad. Look at what a great job you’ve done with helping Amy cope.’
Hannah nodded. When she was with Amy, she made a huge effort to comfort her, talking about what Phyllie would want her to remember about her and emulate in the way she lived her own life. But the moment her daughter left the room, Hannah sank back into her own thoughts and sadness. Phyllie had been the backbone of their family. The person you could go to for advice, knowing you would not be judged and always be helped. While Hannah was a strong woman and capable of making her own decisions, knowing she had Phyllie’s strength to fall back on had always been comforting. Now she had no one.
‘You have me and Nat, your dad and Sue, you know,’ Damien said, as if reading her thoughts. ‘I know it’s not the same, but all of us are there for you anytime you need us.’
Hannah leaned forward and kissed her husband. ‘Thank you. And you’re right. I need to get myself out of this funk. I’ll go and have a shower and eat something once Nat gets here.’
Damien smiled, his eyes still filled with worry.
An hour later, Hannah returned downstairs feeling more human. She’d washed and dried her hair and put on jeans and a t-shirt rather than the pyjamas she’d been living in. She could hear Nat and Damien chatting in the kitchen.
She stopped at the kitchen door when she saw Nat. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her face pale and drawn. Her heart immediately ached. Nat had been living with Phyllie. She’d be feeling her absence even more than Hannah.
She went straight over and hugged her, tears rolling down her cheeks as Nat began to cry.
Damien cleared his throat. ‘I’ll be out in the back garden if you need anything.’ He left the sisters in their joint grief.
Eventually they pulled apart and Hannah passed her the tissue box.
Nat gave a weak smile as she wiped her tears. ‘I’ve been through a lot of these this week.’
‘Me too.’
‘She’d kill us if she could see us,’ Nat said. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
Hannah smiled. ‘That’s pretty much what Damien said to me earlier this morning. But how can we not be sad?’
‘It doesn’t help that we have to wait a month after her death to have any kind of goodbye for her. Why on earth did she make that a stipulation in her will?’
Hannah shrugged. ‘Phyllie had a reason for everything she did. I’m not sure if we’ll ever find out why she did that, but I’m sure she thought it was a good idea. At least it’s given us plenty of time to plan the celebration she wanted and let everyone know.’
‘Let them all know they can’t come, you mean.’
Hannah smiled. ‘We have to follow her wishes. Immediate family, Verna and Leon only. Verna said her friends are organising their own celebration of her life just to spite her.’
Nat laughed at this. ‘Good for them.’
‘Do you want to move in with us?’ Hannah suddenly asked. ‘Living at Phyllie’s must be really hard.’
‘No, it keeps her feeling close.’ She blushed. ‘And Leon’s been checking in on me every day, which has been rather nice. But it’s the house I wanted to talk to you about. She left the house to both of us. I’d like to keep living there but I can’t afford to buy you out. I’ll understand if you want to sell and split the money, but ideally I’d like to save and eventually buy you out.’
Tears filled Hannah’s eyes again. ‘I’d love you to stay there. Phyllie is such a part of that house, I’ll be able to visit her and you at the same time.’ She stared at Nat as the words left her lips. ‘This is how you feel about Dad’s house, isn’t it? Oh Nat, I’m so sorry. Losing Phyllie’s home would be like losing another part of her. I didn’t feel like that about Mum with Dad’s house. Maybe it’s because Mum’s been gone for so long. I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t get it until now. And I think it’s probably too late.’
Nat nodded. ‘Yes, they are planning to sell. It makes sense. It’s a big house and a big garden. Regardless of finances, it was probably going to be sold at some point. I’m okay with that now, and I’ll be okay with selling Phyllie’s house at some stage too. Just not now.’