“Are you sure you don’t want some coffee? I just put a pot on.” Feeling tears choking me, I shake my head.
“Call me if you need to, honey,” she says gently as I step away from the door, and I carry Hope to the backdoor of the Rover, put her in, and make sure she’s buckled before getting in behind the wheel and backing out of Ashlyn’s driveway.
Looking at the house, I see Ashlyn standing in her open front door with the phone to her ear and a worried look in her eyes. Giving a slight wave, I finish backing out and then try to figure out what the hell it is I’m doing.
I live with Jax, so I can’t avoid him forever, even if I wish I could go pick up my stuff from his place and head back to my trailer. My eyes go to the rearview mirror, and I see Hope is watching me and I swallow. No, I don’t wish that. We’re in the best place for us; I just need to get my heart out of the mix.
“What do you say me and you spend the day at the zoo, Angel baby?” I ask.
“Zoo?” she whispers, and then yells, “Yay! Zoo!” making me laugh.
Heading through town, I get on the highway, and it only takes about twenty minutes for us to get to the zoo. Once we park the car, I rent one of the strollers they have available, even though as of right now Hope wants to walk. I know in a couple hours she’s not going to feel the same way, and I can’t carry her like I could when she was a baby.
Walking into the zoo, I stop at one of the shops and grab an apple juice for her and a coffee for myself, along with a map.
“Where to first, Angel?” I ask her, getting down on my haunches so she can look at the map with me.
“What are those?” she asks, pointing at one of the pictures on the map.
“Those are flamingos,” I tell her, watching her face as she studies the image.
“Dey’re pink,” she says, pointing out there color.
“They are. That’s their real color.”
“Can I see them?” she asks hopefully.
“Yes,” I agree, taking her hand in mine, using my other to push the stroller as we walk along the trails, stopping every once in awhile when we pass something that catches her attention.
“Ax!” Hope yells, pulling her hand out of mine where we have stopped to look at some bison that are roaming in a large open field.
My eyes meet Jax’s before he drops to one knee, catching Hope, who throws herself into his arms. Our eyes stay locked and I swallow. He looks pissed…or whatever emotion is worse than pissed.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He smiles, kissing Hope’s cheek before setting her to the ground and taking her hand.
“Uhh…” I breathe as my heartbeat accelerates and he gets closer to me.
“Mama, Ax is here,” Hope points out happily, and I open my mouth then close it again, because nothing comes out.
“Hey, baby.” Jax bends his head toward me, touching his mouth to mine. Once again, I notice the way his lips feel—the way they are so warm, the way the top feels softer than the bottom, the way even his lips taste like cinnamon and mint, and the way I want to lean in and get closer.
“Uhh…” I stutter, opening my eyes and looking up at him.
“We’re gonna see fwamingos,” Hope tells Jax, tugging on his hand, not mentioning he kissed me, like it’s completely normal for him to do it.
“Sounds good, sweetheart.” Jax smiles, and Hope grins back then gets into the stroller, pulling the sun visor over her head, which in turn leaves me alone with him.
I swear my kid is too damn smart for her own good.
“Let’s go see the flamingos, baby,” Jax says, pulling me out of my stupor by wrapping arm around my waist and then shoving his hand down the back pocket of my jeans.
“Jax,” I hiss under my breath, twisting my hips to try to dislodge him.
“No,” he snarls under his breath near my ear. “You left me. I can’t even tell you how badly I want to bend you over something and spank the shit out of you right now.” He sounds almost pained as he growls the words at me, causing my heartbeat to thump in my ears.
“You were kissing another woman,” I whisper-yell, feeling that pain in my chest once more, and he stops the stroller, turns me, putting my back to him, and wraps his arms around my body.
“You know I fucking wasn’t, Ellie, so do not even try to pull that bullshit card with me,” he growls into my hair. I’m sure that to passersby, we look like a couple embracing. His body tight to the back of mine, one arm around my waist, the other hand up and wrapped under my jaw, holding my head to the side. I couldn’t move, even if I wanted to, and I can honestly say I don’t want to. I know he’s right. I knew when I pulled out of the driveway, but I’m so scared. So damn scared, I think as I close my eyes.
“Feel this?” he asks against my ear, pressing his erection into my back. “This only happens for you. No one else, baby, and that’s the fucking truth. You have unknowingly ruined me for all other women.”
Shaking my head, I whisper, “Jax,” while dropping my head until my chin rests on his arm.
“I was going to tell her to leave when I opened the door, but she ambushed me like a fucking spider monkey, catching me off guard. I swear I would never fucking do that,” he whispers against my neck as his hand moves to spread against my abdomen, holding me even closer to him.
“I hated it,” I tell him honestly.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes against my skin, causing the fine hairs on my body to stand on end and my body to lean back into his as my head tips to the side, wanting to feel that sensation again. “We’ll talk about it, but first, we gotta take Hope to see the flamingos,” he says, kissing that spot he just whispered against before turning me again and placing his hand back into my jeans pocket, anchoring me against his side as we walk.
“What just happened?” I ask him quietly as we take a trail up a dirt path through a bunch of trees that give the path shade.
“We just had our first fight.”
I feel my face scrunch up as I turn to face him, and he smiles, kissing my nose. “Okay, but how did you know I was here?”
“Your car has a tracker.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal while my heart gets warm. My stupid heart thinks it’s hot that he’s a stalker.
“It has a tracker?” I repeat, and he must recognize my tone, because he slows down and turns toward me again.
“It has a tracker, Ellie.” He nods then adds, “You and Hope are in that car. You both are coming to mean something to me, so if you want to be pissed about it, you’re going to just have to get over it. It’s gonna stay, and there isn’t anything you can say that will make me take it out,” he says causally, like we’re talking about the things he needs to pick up from the grocery store.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper, taking a deep gulp of air. “You’re seriously cuckoo. Like, white coat, padded room crazy,” I ramble, looking at him.
“Wasn’t crazy before you, so if I get diagnosed as mentally unstable, that’s all you, baby.” He grins and I cover my face.
“I’m going to tell your mom about this,” I tell him, knowing his mom is probably the only person on this earth that he’s scared of. Hopefully she can help me fix her son, or get him medicated, I think as we begin to walk again.