“I’m stepping out for a couple hours, but I’ll have my cell on me,” I tell them over my shoulder, getting two chin lifts before I close the door behind me.
Getting in my truck, I back out, first thinking about going home, but I know I can’t do that yet. I need to take some time to cool off. I don’t know if I should tell Ellie I know about Hope, or if I need to let her come to me. Feeling conflicted, I drive, and before I even realize where I’m going, I pull up in front of my parents’ house.
Staring at the house I grew up in, I feel my gut get tight as I’m bombarded by happy memories. Without thinking, I shut down the truck, get out, and head up the front walk, tapping twice before opening the door.
“Mom?” I call into the house as I walk through the living room.
“In here, honey,” she calls back, sticking her head out the laundry room door that’s off the kitchen. “Give me a minute. Did you have breakfast?” she asks, and I hear the washer start up.
“Yeah, I had a protein shake,” I tell her, watching her face scrunch up as she walks into the kitchen.
“I have no idea how you drink those things; they taste like dirt,” she says, making me smile.
“You eat dirt often, Mom?” I joke, taking a seat at the island across from her.
“No, but I’m sure that’s what it tastes like.” She smiles, but then her eyes search my face and her smile disappears. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I sigh, pulling my hat off my head and setting it on the bar, and then I scrub my hands down my face. “Hope isn’t Ellie’s daughter,” I blurt, needing to get it off my chest.
“Yes, she is,” she replies immediately, frowning.
“She’s not. Hope is Ellie’s brother’s daughter. He and Hope’s mom died in a car accident when Hope was just weeks old, and Ellie was granted custody shortly after that when she was nineteen.”
I watch tears from in her eyes then slip silently down her cheeks as she studies me. “You’re not my blood, Jax,” she whispers softly, and I feel my throat close up. “I love you as if I gave birth to you, but you don’t have my blood pumping through your veins.”
She tilts her head back as more tears fall from her eyes.
“No one…no one could ever tell me you’re not my son. I love you with the same fierceness I love Ashlyn with. You’re my boy. This is where you belong to me,” she says, pointing at her heart.
Swallowing, I choke on the emotions that seem to be suffocating me as I look at the woman who raised me, the woman I have called mom since I can remember. Watching her eyes light with a fire for me has my vision going cloudy.
“Hope is Ellie’s daughter, honey,” she says quietly, and I blink until I can see clearly again. “You don’t have to give birth to a child to love it as your own.”
Nodding, I swallow again, get up from the stool I was sitting on, walk around the island, and then take my mom into my arms as she cries.
“She’s so strong, Jax, so strong, and beautiful, and she loves Hope with everything she has inside of her.” She leans back, placing her hand on my cheek. “Please, understand that before you go to her with what you found out. If she thinks you feel like Hope isn’t her daughter, it will really hurt her.” She shakes her head, closing her eyes, and I can hear the anguish in her voice as she says, “She’s was just a baby herself when she took on the responsibility of raising a child that she didn’t give birth to. That tells me everything I need to know about the kind of woman Ellie is, and I hope you understand the amazing woman you have sleeping under your roof right now.”
“I understand,” I say quietly, kissing her cheek then letting her go, moving back to the stool I was sitting on. “Should I let her tell me?” I ask quietly, still unsure of what to do with the information.
“Let her tell you, and know that when she does she’s trusting you. I don’t think she has really trusted anyone in a long time.”
“She trusts you,” I point out. Ellie is very picky with who she allows to watch Hope, and so far, that list only consists of me, my mom, and my dad. Even Ashlyn had to pass inspection before Ellie allowed her to take Hope with her to her house.
“I think a lot of people have taken advantage of her,” she says softly, grabbing my hands from across the counter. “I don’t know why she trusts me, but I love her like a daughter. I would jump in front of a bullet for her or Hope, the same way I would do for you or Ashlyn. I want to be someone she trusts, someone she can depend on. I don’t want her to feel like she’s alone, and that girl I met at the hospital was alone,” she confides, crying again, which causes my chest to hurt.
I know a lot of this sadness stems from her and my father’s past. She had my sister on her own for years, thinking my dad had abandoned her to be with my biological mother. She had no idea my dad was suffering just as badly as she was.
“I’m falling in love with her…her and Hope,” I admit, watching her eyes close.
“Then be there for her, and when she tells you her story, understand she’s believing that she’s safe with you, that her heart is safe with you.”
“Thanks, Mom. For everything, not just this.”
“I will always be here anytime you need me, honey.”
Nodding, I let her hand go and lean back. “Do you have time to make me breakfast?” I ask, watching her face go soft.
“Of course.” She straightens her spine, wiping the tears off her cheeks, giving me a smile before moving to the fridge.
Breathing a little easier, I sit back on the stool and watch her move around the kitchen as she makes me breakfast.
“Do you want me to keep Hope for you and Ellie one night?” she asks. Caught off guard by the question, my fork is in the air with a piece of fluffy pancake hanging off the end, syrup still dripping onto the plate below it. “Honey, I’m not dumb, and I remember what it was like when me and your dad got back together and had both you kids at home.”
“Mom,” I groan, and she laughs.
“What? Your dad is a very attractive man.”
“You can stop.” I shake my head, setting my fork down, my appetite suddenly gone.
“Well, just remember that I offered.” She smiles, and I throw my hands up in the air, giving up on finishing my pancakes.
“Thanks for ruining my breakfast,” I tell her, watching her laugh.
“You have to leave anyways. Ellie’s bringing Hope here in,” she looks at the clock over my shoulder, “fifteen minutes.”
“Are you kicking me out?” I ask with amusement.
“Yes, Hope likes you more than me, so when you’re not here, I get her to myself.” She smiles.
“She does like me more then you, doesn’t she?” I ask smugly.
“Don’t rub it in,” she says, kissing my cheek. “Now go, and you know I’m always here if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I mumble, slipping my hat back on my head then pulling my keys out of my pocket. “I’ll be here to pick up Hope before dinner, so don’t let her trick you into giving her ice cream.”
“Honey.” She rolls her eyes, putting her hands on my arm, giving me a gentle shove toward the door.