I shake my head sadly. ‘Sorry. I don’t know who you mean.’
‘Well, you should pay more attention in a place like this,’ she says. ‘Who are you, anyway? What are you doing here?’
She tilts her head to one side and appraises me, trying to decide if I’m a person of interest.
‘Oh, I’m not anybody,’ I rush to assure her. ‘My name is Ha—’
And then I stop.
Because I am sitting here in a swanky publishing house and I am here for a reason. And there is a very tiny part of me screaming incredibly loudly that it might be quite nice to own my success instead of constantly being focused on hiding it away like it’s something shameful.
There is also a very large part of me whispering quietly that I shouldn’t do something I might later regret.
I tell that part of me that it can do one and turn to face the celebrity-spotting woman.
‘I’m an author,’ I announce, sitting up straighter. ‘You might have heard of me. My name is Twinky Malone.’
‘What do you write?’ she asks, sounding bored. My proclamation has clearly not excited her. ‘Is it like, cookery books or something?’
‘There you are!’
I turn and see Binky coming towards me. I know her from her online profile picture and she must recognise me from the photo that I sent with the strictest instructions that it was not to be used for any publicity. I stand and fix a professional yet pleasant look to my face. First impressions count and I want my editor to think that I’m utterly in control of everything.
‘It’s so great to finally meet you,’ she says, shaking my hand with a warmth that was definitely lacking in the receptionist. ‘We’re all so excited that you’re coming into the office today! Let’s get your pass sorted and then we can head upstairs and introduce you to everyone.’
She turns towards the desk and I start to follow her before pausing and spinning back to the young woman.
‘It’s not cookery books that I write,’ I call. ‘It’s erotic fiction. The very incredibly sexy kind.’
Her jaw drops open and I give her a grin before heading to the desk where the receptionist reluctantly hands me a visitor pass and grants me access to the halls beyond the security gate.
In the lift, Binky talks enthusiastically about More Than Sex and by the time we arrive at the sixth floor I feel as if I’ve known her forever.
‘Readers are loving the mash-up of erotica and comedy,’ she tells me as we leave the lift and walk into the office space. ‘I really think you can build on that with Book Two.’
‘Absolutely,’ I agree, trying not to gasp at the sight of London spread out beneath me. ‘I can absolutely do that. Funny fornication is my bread and butter.’
I’ve been struggling just the tiniest bit with the fact that everyone seems to think my first book is amusing as well as sexy. That wasn’t my intention in the slightest when I wrote it – as far as I was concerned I had written something that was highly risqué and also packed with informative facts. I’m trying to come to terms with my new role as comedic sex-woman but it isn’t easy. It’s as if now that I know I’m supposed to be funny, I can’t think of a single joke. I have no idea how stand-up comics perform to order, night after night.
Binky laughs. ‘You’re hilarious,’ she tells me. ‘Now, can I get you a drink?’
I accept a cup of tea and follow her into a small meeting room. I wasn’t trying to be humorous (obviously) but as I’m rapidly discovering, sometimes it’s better just to go with the flow.
Once I’m settled on a sofa, another woman enters the room and gives me a welcoming smile.
‘This is Alice!’ enthuses Binky. ‘She’s our publicity manager and she’s another big fan of your book!’
‘Twinky! It’s great to meet you at last,’ says Alice, walking over and shaking my hand. ‘I’ve been telling Binky for ages that we need to get you in and start working on a publicity campaign but I gather that you’ve had some reservations?’
I nod and take a sip of my tea.
‘It’s just that, being a mum as well as a writer, I have to consider the wellbeing of my children, you know?’
They both nod understandingly.
‘I’m sure you’re run off your feet,’ says Alice, sitting down next to me. ‘Three kids and writing, not to mention your day job! But you’re here now and we’ve got some great plans.’
‘Oh, it’s not so much the time issue,’ I tell her. ‘Although obviously, a few extra hours in the day would be wonderful!’
They laugh dutifully. I join in, even though I’m lying. A few extra hours in the day sounds like a terrible idea. You can guarantee that if the government suddenly decided that the day had to last twenty-seven hours (and I wouldn’t put it past this lot) then I would not be spending that extra time relaxing or sleeping or doing anything remotely enjoyable. I, along with a large percentage of the population, would just end up with even more jobs to do. A few extra hours in the day would just extend the misery before I actually get to sink into a wine-fuelled bliss.
‘No – it’s more the genre in which I am writing,’ I continue, trying to sound intelligent. ‘I don’t want to risk being outed as an erotic author. It doesn’t seem like the most appropriate thing for a mother to be doing.’
Alice stares at me for a second, her face perplexed.
‘Are you saying that you think it’s embarrassing that you’ve written erotic fiction?’ she asks slowly. ‘Is that the problem?’
‘No, no!’ I laugh. ‘Not embarrassing, per se…’
‘What then?’ She leans forward and peers at me, her kind face open and honest. She isn’t judging me. She’s genuinely interested.
‘Okay, it is a bit embarrassing,’ I whisper. ‘I’m writing about sex, for goodness’ sake. I don’t want my kids to know about that. Or anyone else who knows me, for that matter.’
‘Okay.’ Alice sits back and shoots a quick look at Binky. ‘So what you’re saying is that it’s the sex aspect that you’re worried about?’
‘Yes!’ I take another sip of tea. ‘I don’t want anyone to look at me and judge me. I don’t want them thinking differently about me because they’ve read my book and seen what my fevered imagination is capable of concocting.’
‘I really don’t think that you need to worry,’ Alice says, her voice shaking slightly. ‘I’ve read a lot of erotic fiction and your first book isn’t exactly what I’d describe as hardcore.’
‘It’s actually very mild,’ agrees Binky. ‘In fact, we had a huge discussion about whether we could class it as erotica in the first place.’
‘Due to the minimal amount of actual copulation,’ adds Alice.
‘You should enjoy the fact that you’ve written a book that readers are raving about,’ says Binky. ‘And now that you’ve hooked them in and made them fall in love with Bella Rose and Daxx, we need to keep them reading – which means that Book Two needs to be more.’
‘More?’ I put down my teacup. ‘More of what?’