The battle of lust.
Battle of good and evil.
Battle of right and wrong.
“If I let you wash me what does that mean, Beau?” A simple question that had so many consequences if answered incorrectly.
That hand of his moved further up until I gasped at the welcomed invasion of his thick fingers gliding against my silk lips. “It means I get to clean you.” My lips parted and head tossed back feeling him strum a melody against my sensitive pearl. “I get to wash you. Take care of you in all the ways you need and desire to be taken care of.”
“Do you love me, Beau?” My breaths became shallower with each circle of his thumb. Leaning over and turning to face him, I rubbed our foreheads together.
When it came to love and all the messiness in between, those type of feelings were never spoken out loud but rather shown through our actions. My heart made room for him. My body craved him. Wholly, I desperately wanted Beau, but I just couldn’t give that part of me. Making love to another, I couldn’t do it.
“The questions you ask makes me think your feelings are changing, Krishna.
Don’t tease me. I’m a man with feelings too. Hurry up. I’ll be waiting to feed you.” A kiss to my cheek and he was gone. Taking the heat from the bath water with him.
I loathed Amell. I truly hated what he had done to me. Basically, pushed me into the arms of another man. Beau deserved better than me. A year of becoming friends and then mixing in intimacy, we played a dangerous game. Well rather me. I wanted all parts of Beau. I wanted the chance to experience what truly, unapologetically loving him felt like.
But I couldn’t.
Once I finished with my bath and moisturizing routines, I dressed in one of Beau’s button up nightshirts. If I knew him like I had grown to love, he had showered in the downstairs bathroom and was wearing the matching pants. My suspicions were confirmed when I walked in the kitchen on the balls of my feet and watched him lean against the counter with a glass of brown liquor and his favorite jazz playlist playing.
No tattoos. No piercings. Just a tall gift of melanin with enough muscles and cuts that made my mouth water and heartbeat skip a couple of beats. The man was just sinfully handsome. Every part of him.
Floating over, I watched him finish his drink while giving me those eyes over the rim of the glass. “Beau,” I giggled at the feel of his beard tickling my neck as he lifted me to the counter.
This was our thing and had been since we met. We’d talk while he fed me. He loved catering to my every need, and I loved receiving it. Over the years we had gained such a level of respect for each other that our bond soared. I knew Beau was ready to share all aspects of his life with me. It became evident in how his stares became more intense as time passed. I felt it in the way he held me. Caressed me while I slept on his chest at night.
I shared my life and I mean my whole life with Beau. When I say we had no secrets, we had not a one. He knew about the life my parents lived. He knew about my life in Cali. He knew all things Amell. I shared and he listened. He understood.
He didn’t judge. He accepted me.
These moments right here with Kem playing and him feeding me shrimp alfredo. Laughing at random jokes and things he’d tell me. Touching him any time I wanted to. This was the life I desperately wanted.
I licked the corners of my mouth after he fed me a fork full of pasta. “I love you, Beau. You’ve become a very important piece of my life and helped me when I felt like giving up. No one knows where I am. There are people out there still looking for me, but all I care about is being here with you.” I confessed feeling lighter but heavier at the same time.
“I love you too.” He kissed me, placing the now empty plate in the sink. Beau.
My sweet Beau. He had all the keys to my heart except one and the keys to my past that I wanted to shut…in due time.
“Don’t be ashamed of loving me, Krishna,” he lifted my chin. “We knew what this was when we met but understand something.” His solid body filled the space between my legs. “If he ever fucks up again, you’re mine.” I couldn’t help but blush and bite my lip.
“I’m sad now.” I poked out my lip, waiting for that feeling in my spine. He drew it into his mouth and sucked until I moaned. That feeling in my spine…earth shattering.
“Why are you sad?” His hands had to stop rubbing along my thighs if he expected me to hold a full conversation.
“Because I’ll never see you again.” Our ending was coming and I dreaded that more than the upcoming reunion.
He nodded and gave me a one-sided smile. “No more talking about what hasn’t come. Let me enjoy feeding you and rubbing on you while you’re lying on my chest. Can you give me what I want? Please?”
Damn this man. I swear he’d never have to beg.
Chapter 20
Amell
“She’s a smart woman. Stop doubting her so much.” Chief Chatterjee tried to reassure me.
Two weeks had come and gone since I was released, and no one knew Krishna’s location until this morning. How in the hell did she go missing for two and a half years without anyone knowing where she was? I got the answer when I had been released and saw my old friend Chief Chatterjee. Apparently, Krishna had reached out to her mother’s guards and asked them to work for her. She kept several with her mother and the rest have been with her, wherever the hell that has been.
When those men started working for her they became ghosts. No one had seen or heard from them at all. Then this morning the Chief got a call from her with instructions to bring me to Chicago. Instantly I thought it was Miguel and he was using her to get to me. I had Atlas and Cassian keep tabs on him while I was away. He traveled from Chicago to the Bahamas often. Nothing else.
We flew out before daybreak and landed an hour ago. I expected her to be at the airport waiting for me with open arms. Wishful thinking left me feeling defeated. Jaded. We got in a truck that she provided and were driving to wherever she was.
Back when I had first got arrested and sent Krishna to Chicago I did it with the sole purpose of her being able to recognize Miguel if he came too close to the family. I never had intentions of her going after him or even being involved in the moment he’d be killed. Another part of the reason I sent her was to give her a moment of relief.
Mitch told me long ago how much Krishna wanted to be involved with the illegal aspects of his businesses, but he knew she didn’t have the heart for it. She just admired him and wanted to experience the adrenaline of it all. I’d rather her ride a bunch of rollercoasters than think that she was about to be the next Queen of The South.
So, under false pretenses, I sent her to Chicago. I knew Miguel wouldn’t know who she was and she wouldn’t put herself in any harm. Sadly, I baited her. Used her beauty to get trackers placed on him.
“How long do you plan on avoiding your brothers? I enjoy walking around your compound, but I gave that land to you. It’s time for you, all of you, to come back home.” Chief Chatterjee wasn’t saying anything that I hadn’t already thought about.
“I’m not in the right frame of mind to see my family, especially their children.” Selfish of me to stay away but I had to. I know they heard and saw on the news that I had been released. I just couldn’t deal with all the questions and crying. I wasn’t ready to face them yet.