Whatever the case, though, even though I’m happier and more sated than I’ve ever been before, that last thought seems to break my heart.
CHAPTER 17: GAGE
I’ve had a few flings in my day. More than a couple handfuls of one-night stands.
And this girl is the best lay of my life.
I push away the thought that it could be because what I feel for her is so intense.
You can’t fall for someone you’ve only known two days.
And yet...
I think I am.
I chalk it up to the excitement over the competition starting tomorrow. The nerves starting to work their way through are only alleviated when I’m inside her.
We have another pillow fight that ends with me giving her an orgasm with my mouth. We watch a movie and she blows me like it’s her fucking profession. We take a shower. We eat dinner in the room.
We eat dessert off each other.
And then it’s late, and even though I want to be well-rested for what’s coming tomorrow, I’m not ready for this to end with her.
The thought that daylight is only a few hours off as I fuck her again, this time up against the windows, pulses a deep ache in my chest.
I already miss her, and she’s not even gone yet.
We could exchange numbers...but why?
We haven’t done it so far because we haven’t needed to. In fact, I’m usually glued to my phone. The only times I’ve taken it out this weekend have been to get on apps to arrange rides to the places we want to go.
That’s it.
This is maybe the first weekend of my life where I’ve ignored everything for a woman.
No woman has ever held my attention long enough to give her that. Lexi has, though. She’s different. She’s sweet, innocent, vulnerable...and at the same time, she’s a fucking wildcat.
I’ve never heard her utter so much as a curse word, yet the things she says when I’m talking dirty to her send me to another dimension.
We fall asleep, maybe by accident or maybe because we’re both so physically spent after our day together. And when we wake, the sun is up and our time together is nearly over.
I glance at the clock.
Fuck.
Our time is over.
We slept a little too long, and Tony said he’d be picking me up at nine.
It’s eight-thirty.
I have enough time to take a shower and to grab something to go for breakfast.
We don’t even have enough minutes for one more round.
You never really know it’s going to be the last one until you look back on it and see that it was. I got to have her up against the windows, and that was it. I thought we had another in us, but we don’t.
I don’t know how to say goodbye to her. I study her for a beat, because even though a guy is coming to pick me up to take me to a house so I can compete to be the new bassist for MFB, I still need a few more seconds with her.
I’m excited for what’s ahead...but I’m devastated for what I’m leaving behind. My chest aches with the sort of pain I’ve never felt over a woman before.
She’s beautiful when she’s asleep. Awake, too, but here I can stare at her without her ducking subconsciously away under my scrutinizing gaze.
She has no idea how beautiful she is.
Dark locks fan out on the pillow, and I memorize what she looks like.
I’ll need it in the upcoming days. I’m sure I’ll be lonely in the house with ten guys competing for this spot, and remembering her in this way will be one of those sweet secrets that’ll help get me through the lonely nights.
I press my lips to her cheek, memorizing the cool, porcelain skin. Her eyes flutter open, and I memorize the exact chocolate shade there.
“Good morning,” she says softly.
I nod, emotion clogging my throat.
What the fuck?
This isn’t me. It never has been, and it never will be.
I clear it out.
“Morning,” I say. “I, uh, need to get going.” I force the regret out of my tone. I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling, and it doesn’t matter anyway.
“Oh,” she says, and then she glances at the clock. “Oh! I do, too!” She sits up and tosses the sheet off. “I can’t believe we slept so late.”
“I’m sorry.” I get up and start moving around the room, packing my clothes and grabbing clean ones out of my bag. I can’t forget my bass, which has been hiding in the closet the past few days. If it was out, she’d surely have questions.
“Don’t be,” she says. “My fault, too. I, uh...”
She falters, and I pause in my rush to get out the door. I stop and turn toward her.
Our eyes meet for a few quiet beats, and my chest pulses with anguish and regret and...love?
“I know,” I say softly, and it’s at that moment that I brace myself for the abandonment that’s about to hit me once again.
She presses her lips together and nods.
I move toward her and close the gap when I pull her into my arms. “It’s been a great few days.”
“I wish we had more time,” she whispers.
I nod to let her know I do, too. But we don’t. We’re out of time, which means whatever this is—whatever it was—has run its course.
It feels cold and cruel to say that out loud, though, so I settle on, “In another lifetime, maybe.”
One side of her mouth tips up, and she nods. “Yeah. Maybe.”
“I’ll never forget you,” I say softly, and I lean my forehead to hers. I breathe her in one last time, memorizing her scent of coconuts and sunshine.
“I won’t, either,” she whispers. I back up to look her in the eyes, and hers sparkle with unshed tears. “I wish things could be different.”
I sigh. “I do, too.” We both know they can’t, though. I think I might love you.
I can’t force the words out. They’re too hard, and they’ll leave us both with too many regrets. A tear splashes over onto her cheek.
I thumb her tear away and drudge up every ounce of strength I have not to break down the way she’s starting to. “Maybe it’s destiny. And if it is, then sometime down the line when the time is right for both of us, we’ll find our way back.”
She presses her lips together and nods. She kisses me one final time, and then she draws in a shaky breath and moves toward the door. “Thanks for the best weekend of my life, Motley Crue.”
She opens it.
“Thank you, too, Nashville,” I say, and she flashes me a sad smile before she walks out the door.
It slams shut behind her the way hotel doors always seem to, and the sound echoes hollowly in my chest.
CHAPTER 18: GAGE
I find a note on the bathroom counter. It’s written on the hotel notepad, and the hotel pen sits beside it.
Her handwriting is neat and a little whimsical...sort of like her.
I draw in a deep breath as I read it.
Gage,
Thank you for the best few days of my life. I’ll never forget you, and I don’t ever want to. I know we said no numbers, but I’m leaving this here just in case. I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to leave without you having it. I’ll be tied up with some things for the next month or so, but maybe down the line if you’re still thinking about me, you can use it.