“I agreed because I like you,” she says softly, and the guilt bears down a little more forcefully.
Shit.
She doesn’t really think something could happen here...does she?
“You’re the most genuine out of all the guys out there,” she says. “It’s rare to meet someone with your qualities, and maybe in another life this could have been something, but you’re certainly not in the place for it.”
“I’m certainly not?” I ask.
“Come on, Gage. You’re in love with her. Hopelessly. A little disgustingly, if I’m being truthful. I can’t compete with that.”
I press my lips together and nod.
She’s right.
I am hopelessly in love with Lexi Weber, and she’s my biggest competition for something that will be absolutely life changing for whoever wins it.
Not that my feelings for her matter anymore, anyway. She’s with Tyler now.
Those emotions that coincide with my abandonment issues are back in full force. I already knew she was abandoning me when we parted ways at the hotel, but finding her here, even under the circumstances where we found ourselves at first...it felt like fate.
Until she took a turn toward someone else’s arms.
Now I feel that abandonment all over again. I’ve learned throughout my life that it’s easiest to just push others away rather than letting them in and setting myself up for this sort of heartbreak. Somehow she clawed her way in, and she did exactly what the recesses of my brain predicted she would—the same thing that’s proven true for my entire life.
People come and go, but music has been there for me. Always. It’s why I turned to bass guitar in the first place...to channel my emotions into something creative and constructive. I could’ve turned down a lot of different paths, but this is the one I chose.
I will set my feelings for Lexi aside. I have to. They don’t matter anymore.
But my career...that matters.
Getting the chance to join MFB...that matters.
And I will use that as my motivation to rise to the top of this competition. I’ll rise past Tyler. I’ll rise past Lexi.
I will win.
Whatever it takes.
CHAPTER 33: LEXI
He walks out of the confessional with his hair messed up. He smooths his shirt back into place, and I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach.
What were they doing in there?
I snuggle a little closer to Tyler on the couch. It’s not an involuntary move. I purposely do it as I see Kat emerge from the confessional next, tucking her hair behind her ears and smoothing her own shirt down.
That knot in my stomach forms into something bigger.
I expect her to call me next, and the knot is almost telling me to confront her about it.
But I can’t.
I won’t.
He isn’t mine to be upset over anymore...especially not when I’m allegedly involved with Tyler. He can do what he wants, but I also think it’s okay for me to have feelings about whatever it is that he does.
She glances at me, and our eyes lock as we share some sort of meaningful look that I can’t quite decode before she stalks out of the room.
What did that look mean?
Was it the look of some special shared experience we have when it comes to the man who walked out ahead of her?
I can’t help but wonder whether he’s doing this because I’m “with” Tyler now or if it’s because he actually likes Kat. And I can’t help but wonder why Kat would risk her job over a contestant on a show.
Or is she even risking her job? I have no idea what her responsibilities and requirements are.
Gage disappears, and Tyler and I chill on the couch. He tells me stories about Capital Kingsmen, some hilarious and others are raunchy, and the way he tells them makes me feel like he loves playing for them and being part of them. I can’t help but ask the question that I’m sure has been on everyone’s mind.
“Why are you here?”
He chuckles. “Why are any of us here? Weren’t you in a band before?”
I shrug. “Yeah, and I love them. I’ll always love them. But they didn’t want to leave Nashville. I did. I had bigger dreams.”
“I feel like I’ve answered the same question a hundred times. I got the memo that MFB was looking, and who wouldn’t jump at the chance to play with these legends?”
“But at the expense of giving up what you have with your best friends?”
Before he gets a chance to respond to that, Camille’s voice comes over the intercom. “Lexi to confessional room three.”
Tyler squeezes my hand and kisses my cheek, and I head over to the room.
When I walk through the door, though, it’s Ben who greets me...not Kat as expected.
“Hey, Ben,” I say, and I slide into the interview chair.
“You’ve been reassigned to me,” he says. He’s all business, sort of bubbly Kat’s opposite—before she turned on me, anyway.
“Oh, okay,” I say, and I have to admit, I’m sort of relieved that I don’t have to face Kat with all my deep, dark confessions. Not that we do that in these rooms, really, but it’ll be easier to share my feelings on things with somebody who isn’t screwing around with the guy I still have major feelings for. “May I ask why?”
He shoots me a tight smile. “Two of my guys, Colt and Eric, went home, so we decided to do a little reshuffling.”
I nod. That makes sense even if I don’t believe it for a hot second.
We talk about how I feel about Tim going home, and it’s a very different experience than it was talking with Kat. He’s not quite as warm as she once was, but he’s still good at asking the questions and getting me to confess my feelings on different things.
Until he blindsides me with some personal questions I wasn’t expecting.
“How are things going with you and Tyler?”
I answer with a mix of half-truths. “Really well. He’s an incredible man. Gorgeous, a great kisser, and really, really kind. I can actually see it turning into something real once the competition is over.” That’s not the question that blindsides me.
“And how are you dealing with your feelings for Gage?”
That’s the one.
I blow out a breath. “Not well,” I admit.
“Talk to me about it,” he says softly, and somehow I start to open up.
I spill it all out.
“I fell in love with him in three days, and then I had to leave him. The last thing I wanted to do was abandon him. We parted ways, and it crushed me. When I first saw him here, I felt...torn. So excited, so hopeful that maybe it didn’t have to be over. Shocked that he was here. Completely stunned. And then he killed my confidence in the very next second. He painted me as something I’m not with his words, and that cracked my heart worse than leaving each other at the hotel did. I still love him, and I still hurt over him. It’s too fresh to say those feelings might go away someday, because I don’t think they will.”
“And yet...you’re with Tyler now?”
“Yeah,” I hedge...and now I’m the one painting myself as something I’m not. First Gage told everyone we hooked up and took away my ability to be the strong woman I wanted to portray myself as, and now I’m the one doing it. I’m letting people see me as the girl who can’t get by without a guy.