I glance over at Gage as I think about that text I sent him. Friday night at eight, the first weekend in September, at our hotel lobby bar. That’ll be our second chance.
He doesn’t return my gaze, but that doesn’t change the facts.
We’ll both still be in Los Angeles the first weekend of September if we’re supposed to remain in the area through the time when the show airs.
But after everything we’ve been through...I don’t know if I’ll have the guts to actually show up.
CHAPTER 48: DAX
“So it’s unanimous,” I say after a long deliberation.
We’ve watched the performance at least twenty times now. We’ve compared notes. We’ve talked through the other comps. We interviewed the people who came to watch the final challenge.
We got the final approval from our record label.
It’s late now, but fuck it.
We’ve been up later.
We’ve made our decision.
I look around the small table in the back of Emerson’s. We’ve sat at this table hundreds if not thousands of times.
But this time, something’s different.
Kane is back here with us, so that’s not the thing.
If I’m really being honest, a lot of things are different.
I’m married. I have a kid.
I have a kid.
The past me sat in this room and never even dreamed of kids in my future. It didn’t happen until I met the woman I couldn’t imagine my life without, and so I get why Kane made the decision he did.
It was right for him.
It brought him to his happy ending even if it threw a major wrench into the career the five of us built. And in the end, I’ve grown enough in the last couple years to see that’s what love is really all about. Giving up everything for the one person who’s your other half. That’s a true happy ending even if it isn’t what we all wanted.
Would I give up MFB for Kylie?
If the situation called for it, I’d have to. In a heartbeat. She’s the mother of my child now, and nothing, no bond and no career and no song and no amount of money can come between that.
But that’s the difference between my situation and Kane’s. I would never have to make that choice. That’s life, though, and over the nearly two months that’ve passed since Kane told us he was leaving, I’ve had time to process it. It sucks, and it hurts, and we’re paying a hefty price for it...but he did what he had to do. And Kylie is the one who made me see that I can’t fault him for that.
I glance at Kane, and he’s nodding. I look around the table at the other men seated there. Brody, Adam, and Rascal are nodding, too.
Just the five of us, like we were for so long as different women came and went and came and went until someone just stuck.
And fuck but I can’t believe this is what we’re doing. As much as I understand it, it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
“Before we really do this,” I say, “I just have to ask one more time. Kane, are you absolutely sure about this?”
He chuckles. He shakes his head. “No,” he says. “But I had to take a leap, and I can’t go back now. I’m already in the studio with Ruby. We’re planning a summer tour, and Mark told me Ashmark is planning yours, too. Our schedules will probably clash. I wish that wasn’t the reality of it. I wish I could be in two places at once because fuck, I already miss the four of you.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” Brody says softly, and I glance at him in surprise. He seemed the most hurt by Kane leaving, and I didn’t think he’d be so quick to forgive.
Kylie must’ve gotten to him. Or maybe she got to his fiancée, anyway, and maybe she’s the one who got to him.
“We’re still on hiatus anyway,” Adam says.
“How long until Emily is having that kid?” Kane asks.
“Four weeks.”
“Jesus,” Kane says. He whistles low. “Four weeks until the second one of you bastards is a dad.” He shakes his head. “Who would’ve thought? Ten years ago, when we first started jamming right here at this very bar, did you ever see any of this?”
I huff out a chuckle as the others around me do the same. “I never saw us not jamming together,” I admit.
Kane nods. “I didn’t, either. And I’m sorry for changing that. I’m sorry you all are doing this competition to replace me. But you’ve chosen right. You’ve chosen well. And just because I’m with Ruby now doesn’t mean we can’t still jam. We’re under the same label. If one of you has something going on and I don’t, call me. If you want to get drunk on whiskey, call me. If you want to talk, call me. If you want to smoke cigars and play poker, call me. I’m not far, and you’ll always be my brothers.”
A rare bit of uncomfortable silence falls over the five of us.
“What I’m trying to say is that I love you assholes,” Kane says, breaking the tension, and we all laugh.
“Before someone starts crying, how about a shot?” Brody asks, and we all cheer in agreement.
We don’t stop at one.
We don’t even stop at two or three or four.
I lose count after that.
But we laugh.
We play a little poker at the Emerson’s back room table.
We smoke some cigars.
We drink more whiskey, and we switch to beer after a while.
We act like we’re not all nearing thirty, and it’s just like old times even though it’s not old times now that some of us are married, some of us are engaged, some of us have kids or one on the way, and one of us isn’t actually one of us anymore.
The nature of why we’re back here right now doesn’t erase the intrinsic bond we share because of our history together. Nothing will erase that.
Our bond goes as deep as blood even though we’re not related, and Kane will always be a part of that...even though he’s physically somewhere else now.
It’s time to induct someone new into our bond.
CHAPTER 49: GAGE
I want to tell her how amazing she is.
I want to tell her how much I admire what she did up on that stage tonight.
If the competition was solely for technical skills and the ability to chime in on back-up vocals to a level of sheer perfection, she should win.
But we both know the competition is about far more than that, and despite my efforts to throw it to her in the one-on-one interview I did with the band, I have a feeling I’m going to win.
I should feel more joy at that, but it means she loses.
When we started this whole thing and we found each other here that first night and she called me out in front of everybody, the last thing I wanted was to see her win. I said I wasn’t here to make friends, and I meant it.
But somewhere along the way, my feelings took precedent again.
And now if I win, I’ll be devastated for her. If she wins, I’ll be devastated for myself.
So no matter who wins here, I still lose.
I lose her.
I lose the chance to be with her every day, to see her and to just be around her. I’m not ready for our time together to end...and I should probably tell her that.
We don’t get the chance to talk, though.
It’s late when we get home, and Kat still pulls me into a confessional despite my exhaustion. She presses me with memories from our first night here when both Lexi and I said things we can’t take back, like she’s trying to put a clamp on my feelings for her.