Kai locks eyes with me, holding my gaze captive, and I suck in a sharp breath. I swear he gets hotter every time I see him. My fingers twitch with a craving to touch him, longing to run my fingers through his silky-soft hair, to examine every inch of his inked skin. The fiery depths of his eyes confirm a similar hunger, but there’s a dark promise in his gaze too.
I shiver as I recall how he fucked me possessively against the wall in the janitor’s closet just before lunch. Every day, he finds some opportunity to steal me away, and our pairing is always wild and frantic. Sneaking around is so risky, and we shouldn’t be doing it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t getting off on the forbidden nature of our relationship.
But Charlie has been growing more brazen. Hauling me into his lap and kissing me any chance he gets. I know he’s doing it to test Kaiden, and I hate it, but we’ve got to stick to the plan.
I’m staring at Kai, and I know I shouldn’t be, but it hurts to wrench my gaze away. Sawyer gives me a subtle cautionary nod as Charlie jerks my face back to his. His eyes blaze with indignation. “You are my fiancée,” he hisses. “And you just eye-fucked him for everyone to see.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, stretching up and pulling his mouth down to mine, hoping Kai can forgive me. “I’m trying.”
“Well, try harder,” he barks, ripping his mouth from mine. “Unless you want him to wind up dead.”
“I don’t know how long I can do this,” I admit to Drew, as we pick at our food in the diner a half hour later. “I feel like a cheating slut every time I let Charlie kiss me. And I know he’s kissing me in public to piss Kai off, and it’s working.”
“Kai needs to get over himself,” Drew says in a monotone voice.
“Would you feel that way if I was Jane and you had to watch another guy mauling me?”
He pushes his plate away. “That was a low blow.”
“I know, but I’ve noticed how harsh you’ve been to Kai. Is that because of me or some other reason?”
He sighs, leaning back in the booth and staring at the ceiling. “I’m still pissed that he concealed his identity from me.”
“Hey.” I prod him in the chest. “I was the one sleeping with him. If I can forgive him, you can too.”
Drew lowers his eyes to mine. “He was my best friend for years, and I’d often wondered where he was. What he was up to.”
“You should patch things up with him. He’s going to be in my life, which means he’ll be in yours.”
“I know,” he says, slurping his drink through his straw. “But I think I’ll make him sweat a little more.”
I almost choke on my burger, but I’m glad to see some animation back on my brother’s face. I soften my voice and my expression. “How are you really doing, Drew? You’ve been so quiet. I’m worried.”
“Don’t waste your energy worrying about me.”
“That’s a virtual impossibility, and you know it.” I reach for his hand. “Talk to me. You can’t bottle it all up.”
“I miss her,” he whispers. “I miss her so fucking much.”
“I know. I miss her too.”
“It’s like I’ve lost half of myself, and I don’t know who I am without her.” He props his elbows on the table, resting his face in his hands. “More than that,” he adds, piercing me with a serious look. “I’m scared of who I might become without her.”
“You’re still you.” I squeeze his hand. “And you’re one of the best people I know.”
An agonized expression washes over his face, and he yanks his hand from mine. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew the things I’d done.”
I remember Charlie’s explanation regarding their virginity, and I wonder what other things they’ve had to do. I don’t think I want to know. “If they’ve forced you to do things to survive, I would never hold that against you.”
“At what point do you have to stop and accept responsibility—even if it’s something that’s been technically forced upon you? If you’re the person who took the action, you are still to blame.”
“I don’t know, D. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but we’re in a fight-or-die world, and I’ll always fight. In my heart, I know I’m a good person.” I pause for a beat. “A good person forced to make difficult choices. Forced to do bad things. But I never doubt what’s in my heart.”
“I never used to. Not until I lost half of mine.”
I’m still mulling over his words later as I leave the ballet studio after rehearsal.
Drew is drowning, and I don’t know how to save him.
A black Land Rover with dark windows pulls up to the curb, and the window lowers as I walk toward it. “Come on, slowpoke,” Drew says, shooting me a tender smile. “Hop in the back,” he adds, winking.
My brow puckers as I approach the car, wondering what he’s up to. When I open the back door and slide inside, the biggest grin spreads across my face when I discover Kai waiting for me.
I move toward him the same moment he reaches out for me, and I melt into his arms as our mouths meet. He holds my face in his large palms as he kisses the shit out of me, and I could happily die in this moment.
“Buckle up, lovebirds,” Drew says, revving the engine impatiently.
“What’s going on?” I ask, reluctantly moving away from Kai to put my seat belt on. He straps himself in, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. “And why are you here?” I ask, stretching my head back to look at him.
“Aren’t you happy to see me, baby?”
I cup his cheek. “Of course, I’m happy to see you, but I recall my brother warning you to keep your distance.” I eyeball Drew through the mirror. “What’s changed?”
“Nothing,” Drew replies, glancing briefly at me as he glides the car out into the traffic. “But we need to do something, and I figured it was safe to bring Kai. I know what it’s like to crave the person you love. I can’t do anything about Jane, but I could do this for you.”
I unbuckle my belt and lean forward, poking my head through the gap in the front seats, and kiss my brother on the cheek. “Thank you. I love you.”
“Love you too, sis.”
“Sit your fine ass back down,” Kai says, fisting a hand in my sweater and yanking me back. “And put your belt on.”
“Happy?” I arch a brow as I secure my belt and nestle into the crook of his arm.
“With you in my arms, always.”
Drew makes a gagging motion.
“Shut. Up. I’m guessing you were ten million times worse,” Kai says.
“Fact,” I say. “But the way they loved one another was beautiful.” Tears stab my eyes as emotion charges through me. I didn’t realize I’d still be this hormonal so long after the… I purposely break that thought, unable to even say it in my mind.
I grip Kai’s arm tighter, glad he’s here. When he asked what Trent had said to make me go crazy on his ass that day in the cafeteria, I refused to tell him, much to his frustration, and he took that out on my body the next day when he yanked me into a different classroom.