“Yes, but things aren’t always as simple as you make out, Mads.”
“Why can’t they be? That’s what I don’t get.”
“Fine. You don’t get it.” I looked at his empty bottle of beer. “You done?”
“Yeah, time to leave,” he grumbled.
How could he not see that this was far from simple?
The quick journey home passed in silence, but the tension was palpable—like a physical pulse between us. Maddison pulled up outside of my house but left the car running, his eyes pointing straight ahead with a determined glare on his face, the square of his jaw tense and unmoving.
As I left the car, the overwhelming urge to lash out at him took hold. With my grip still on the door, I bent down and took aim. “Thanks for the birthday drink.” I slammed the door on Maddison’s response and turned to the house, slamming that door behind me as well.
“Hey, hey, that’s not what I want to hear on your birthday.”
“Sorry, Mum.”
“What happened at the Rays’? Not like you to come back in a mood, or without cake.” Her voice rose in mock horror as she clocked my empty hands.
“Sorry… I went for a drink with Maddison.”
“Ahh, so that’s the reason for the door abuse.”
I walked past and flumped onto the sofa. Bob trotted through the house and hopped up to sit on my lap, realising I was now home.
“Want to talk about it?” Mum called from the kitchen.
“He asked me to move in with him,” I blurted it out, ripping the bandage off. Perhaps, the more I said it, the easier it would be to figure out the right answer. I focused on Bob, who was padding a little nest on my lap with his claws, ready to settle in for the night.
“Move in?” Mum appeared, and the worry on her face stood out a mile.
“Yeah. He’s getting his own place and thought it would be a good idea for us to move in together. What do you think?”
Mum returned with two mugs of tea. “Well, where? That’s my first question. You know how I feel about you moving away.” She handed me the mug and sat down next to me.
“We didn’t get to that part. Just the principle of the idea.”
“He’s one of your best friends. He’d be able to look after you.”
“Mum, you’re talking like I’m a damsel in need of someone to protect her.”
She gave me a pointed glare. Of course, that was how she saw me. I was her daughter, and I’d given her no reason to believe that I was capable of standing up for myself. I’d never needed to.
“Look, if it’s local and still out of the city, I can’t really complain. I’ll worry, but you’ve sacrificed moving away because of my paranoid fear over your father. I can’t keep you locked in the house for the rest of your life. As much as I’d be happy with that.” I leaned against her shoulder, suddenly feeling like I was saying goodbye to her.
“So, if I choose to go, you’d be okay with it?”
“It sounds to me like you might be looking for an excuse to say no?”
“It’s just… I’m not sure… it’s complicated,” I huffed out and leaned my head back on the cushions with a sigh.
“Boys tend to do that to us. What does your heart say?”
“Heart? Oh, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”
“Are you sure about that? I know you’ve been friends with those two forever, but I see the way they are around you. They’d do anything for you.”
“Well, it’s just Maddison now.” The sour edge to my voice broke through, and I wondered if I was ever going to get over Oliver leaving. I’d allowed him to make me despondent about everything since he left when really, I should be mad at him. Did him leaving mean I should stand still until he came back? That’s not what he told me he wanted, although I’d picked over the words he said a hundred times, there was always another way to look at them. The repetition didn’t stop me feeling stuck. Maybe this was the way to un-stick myself and move on?
“And what’s wrong with Maddison?”
Wasn’t that the question? But it shouldn’t be about picking one over the other. And if I were ever to make a choice, shouldn’t that choice be because I was in love with one of them. Totally and irrevocably, not just because my choice had been removed and left me with an aching heart in place of a burning love I couldn’t fight?
“Nothing. I just don’t know what to do for the best.”
“Well, what would the harm be to move in? Try being friends together. If things develop, then go with it. If they don’t, well, that’s fine too. And know you’ll always have a place here.” She put her arm around me, offering me comfort that I was starving for right now.
“That sounds sensible.”
“Well, that’s my job. To make the sensible decisions.”
And as she hugged me, I hoped, with everything left in my heart that I was making the right decision, to let nature take its course. To give my heart the time to make the choice it wanted and to stop fighting the direction it might take me in.
Chapter 16
Grace 19 Years Old
It had been over three months since I’d heard from Oliver. The longest time we’d ever gone without talking to one another. But my life hadn’t ended. I still got up in the morning, went to work, finished my assignments for Uni, and made time for Maddison.
Since our birthday talk, it’d been hard because there was an expectancy between us. Or rather, from him. I’d agreed that we could look at finding a place to move into, and if we found one, then I’d make a decision. It was all I could offer for now, and I might be stalling for time, but I still hadn’t come to terms with the thought of living together. After losing Oliver, I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with Maddison because we’d moved too fast.
We’d been checking out places to rent close to home. Two-bed apartments or houses were few and far between unless we wanted to pay a small fortune and blow our budget. And even during all the looking, I still wavered on my commitment, hoping something would come along and jolt me into making the decision.
I might have wanted to grab hold of this opportunity, but a part of me felt like I was disrespecting Oliver for even considering moving on. I bounced between feeling guilty and being angry, and all of it directed at the only person I couldn’t take it out on. It infected a part of my heart that had belonged to the boy who’d sworn to protect me—except he hadn’t protected me from himself.
Maddison grew frustrated because we hadn’t found a place that I had fallen in love with yet. I was pretty sure that he believed that if the house were perfect, it would tip my decision in his favour. I’d hoped that looking to the future might kill the tension that hung over us, but it only grew. Stolen glances and stilted conversations accompanied each house viewing, and it built the electricity between us.
There was one last place on our list to visit, and it had only just hit the market. The biggest benefit was that it was within our price range.
“Come on, Grace,” Maddison shouted from the window of the car. It was a scorching day. So hot that the air burnt my lungs as I breathed it in. My t-shirt dress had stuck to my skin the moment I stepped out into the sunshine, and the wave of heat pushed me back as I opened Maddison’s car door. The air conditioning only seemed to circulate the warm air, but at least it was only five minutes to the other side of the village.