At that moment, as she willingly opened up to me, and I tasted her passion, right then, I knew I would never give this up.
Grace was my new drug, and I was already addicted.
Chapter 18
Grace 19 Years Old
I was so mad at him. My arms shook from the exertion of holding onto myself. This had all been a game to him, and he hadn’t given a second glance to the guy he’d left bleeding on the floor of the ring.
Everything within me screamed just to walk away. Sod him, and his stupid fight with all the guilt he’d put me through to ensure I was here. He didn’t care. How could he when this was what he’d just done?
His reaction had been similar to the first time he was here, but mine wasn’t. As he spun me around, I couldn’t let go of my anger. It seethed under my skin.
The ride home gave me time to go over all the words I wanted to throw at him, but it was hard to string them together when the tension was so high between us, like electricity particles charging off one another.
The words started flying as soon as the door to the house opened, but he was playing with me. Trying to calm me down because he’d got what he wanted. But we couldn’t move on. We were on either side of the argument, and neither one of us would back down.
When he gave me the chance to make the first move, part of me wanted nothing more than to slap his cocky smile off his too-sexy face.
But then he kissed me.
There was nothing sweet about the way his lips met mine. It was almost punishing as though he was doing it on purpose, telling me off because I wouldn’t do as he wanted. It was poison, seeping into me, but it tasted too good to stop. I kissed him back, with everything I had. My rage, my disappointment, and my frustrations short-circuited my brain until all I could think about was Mads.
“I want you,” he growled as he moved his lips down the column of my throat. His touch melted away the animosity that had been so prevalent a moment ago, and I felt myself nodding in agreement. He took my hand and pulled me back out towards the hall and stairs.
Mads almost raced to get to the bedroom, but as his door opened, I froze. I couldn’t do this. Not like this. He pulled on my arm, but I didn’t cross the threshold.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this. At least, not like this. Not when we’re so angry at each other.”
His face dropped, and I could see flashes of frustration, marred with the anger I was talking about. “We both want this, Grace. You need to stop trying to put the brakes on us. Because I know we both want this.”
“Well, you won’t mind waiting for me then, will you?” I said defiantly, not ready to be pushed into giving him my virginity.
It was on the tip of his tongue to challenge me—to push me into this. That’s what Maddison was like—he wanted something, and he got it. But he knew he couldn’t win here.
His posture shifted, relaxing a fraction, and I forced myself not to see the boy who’d taught me to climb trees. We might have been fighting, but he was right. I had feelings for him, and it was stupid to keep denying that fact.
“Can we talk about this in the morning? Have breakfast.”
“Sure,” he mumbled, before walking farther into his room and leaving the door ajar. Perhaps his open invitation—but one I wouldn’t be accepting tonight.
Even with Bob’s rhythmic purring, sleep was a lost cause. There were too many questions and worries racing through my mind. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to be with Maddison. There was an undeniable attraction between us, which was getting impossible to miss. And his kisses were like sunshine and lust—searing and intoxicating and totally addictive.
And I loved him. The list in the pro column wasn’t lacking. But I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and wish we’d waited.
“Grace?”
I heard a gentle tapping and my name echoing around in my head.
“Grace?”
“Hmm,” I murmured from my sleep-dazed state.
“Coffee. It’s on your desk. What time do you want to go for breakfast?”
The strong smell of coffee hit my nose as I blinked my eyes open to see Mads standing in my room. It certainly wasn’t a bad sight to wake up to. And then the memories from last night came racing back, and I closed my eyes, hoping to stave them off.
“What’s the time?”
“Just past nine.”
“Give me half an hour.” I pulled the covers over my head and tried to muster my courage to do this.
My initial awkwardness lingered like a bad cloud as Mads drove us to a local diner for breakfast. I could barely look him in the eye.
We found a booth and grabbed the menus stacked and ready to be read, all the while the background buzzing was getting louder and louder in my head. It had been my idea to talk, and I knew he was waiting for me to start. There was no way he was going to open his lips to discuss what was happening between us without the pressure to do it.
The waitress brought around a coffee, which we both gladly accepted, before placing our orders. The events of last night and the looming conversation had my stomach doing flips, so I settled for a toasted bagel compared to Maddison’s full English breakfast.
We went back to being quiet, so, I took the proverbial swan dive. “Last night, was it about me—or us—or was it just because of the win?” It was probably one of the biggest fears I’d had, a conclusion I’d arrived at sometime around three in the morning. And the question didn’t just include last night. Maddison always had to win at everything. If I’d relinquished, and he’d won me, would he lose interest?
He looked at me, and I studied the lines of his jaw, watching for signs of frustration.
“I don’t know why you’d think it would be about anything but you. You know how I feel. You’ll never admit your side in all of this though. You’re too hung up on what the right thing to do is, and that, Grace, will stop anything from happening between us. Because until you decide what you really want, we’re going nowhere.”
He was right, and I couldn’t hide from it. But what I wanted was scary and new and something that I’d been fighting for so long, it didn’t feel right to reach for it now it was right in front of me.
Breakfast arrived, and I let the food distract Maddison from the lack of conversation due to my internal dialogue.
Why, the one time he was sensible and logical about an argument or problem, did it have to be about us?
The rest of the meal was painfully awkward. I nibbled my way through my bagel, unable to stomach it due to the ball of nerves in the way.
The words Oliver had thrown at me about Maddison being there for me after he’d left drifted into my head. Oliver had given me a way through this mess of emotions, but I was still scared. Were my feelings honest? Could I trust them after being divided for so long?
Something had to change, and maybe that was me, and perhaps it was time to take some of Maddison’s courage for myself?
We left the diner and drove home. My palms turned clammy, and for once, it was my leg that started to bounce on the floor. It was time to be honest and show Maddison the respect he deserved.
“Everything you’ve said is true. I have been hiding, and I’m scared of my feelings. I have been for years because they aren’t normal. Oliver walked away, but perhaps it should have been me to make that step. But hey, I made the choices I did for my own reasons. And I’m not about to jump into something with you. We can’t rush this. You’ve been my best friend for over ten years. If we do this, I could lose you, and that’s a risk that terrifies me.”