“Nothing. He just said that to wind me the fuck up.”
“Well, it worked. Can we just go?” I rubbed at my wrist, now throbbing from the abuse. I gingerly approached the car that Mads was still pacing around and waited for him to open it up. “Mads?” I prompted.
“Why him. Of all the fucking guys, it had to be him?” He turned to look at me, his eyes narrowing as if he was waiting for an answer.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything. It was that jerk who came on to me. Jeez, Mads, listen to yourself. Open the car. I want to go home.” I pointed to the door with my eyes, my frustrations and hurt seeping into my voice. Luckily, the pain radiating from my wrist kept my tears at bay, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide them all night.
When we arrived home, I unlocked the door and marched straight to my bedroom, furious at everything that had happened tonight. We’d been sleeping in Maddison’s room since we got together, except the nights he was out too late, but I didn’t want to be anywhere near him right now. I pushed my door wide open, checked that Bob was in his usual position, and then slammed it shut.
“Come on, Grace. I’m sorry. I was mad.”
“Well, you can be mad on your own. I’m not ready to talk to you right now.” I kept the pissed-off tone going. There was no way he got to treat me like that.
The thud on the other side of my door made me jump.
“I’m sorry,” he offered, in a much calmer voice. But I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.
I stripped off, found a comfy t-shirt and buried myself under my covers. Bob came to comfort me, snuggling in under my chin. My true safety blanket.
The morning light trickled through my curtains and slowly woke me. Bob stretched as I moved and disturbed his slumber. My sleep had been sound, considering the events of the night before. I’d imagined nightmares of ogres with bad teeth would be sure to visit me.
At the door, I listened to see if there was any sign of movement, before creeping out. As the night replayed over and over in my mind, I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to Maddison. Or how to even start that conversation.
The feeling of betrayal was new for me, but it hurt just like any other kind of pain—hallowing out a place in your chest and spreading like poison.
I cracked the door and looked across the landing. Maddison’s door was still ajar, but that didn’t mean much. I eased out, heading for the stairs, when I saw him, slumped over against the wall outside of my bedroom. It looked as if he’d fallen asleep there, and now the thud made sense.
Dashing for the stairs, I made it before he woke.
I filled the kettle and put it on, staring at the appliance as if it had all the answers I needed. Why did Maddison think this was my fault? Why couldn’t he see this as anything but his ‘friend’ being an arsehole? My hand shook as I reached for a mug to make my morning coffee.
“I’m sorry.”
I ignored Maddison as he appeared at the door, carrying on with my chores.
“That’s not enough, not for what you said to me, or how you made me feel. You blamed me.”
“And I’m sorry. I was a jerk and clearly wasn’t thinking.” He inched closer towards me, and I suddenly didn’t want to be trapped like I was last night. I stood up straight and shook my head. At least he could read what I was telling him.
“Why? Why couldn’t you have just made sure I was okay and been pissed at him like anyone else would be. Why was it such a big deal?” The ache in my chest summoned the tears I thought were in my past, and they misted my eyes. A part of my heart clung to the hope that Maddison would only have reacted like that for a good reason, but I was terrified of what that reason could be.
“Because Jay is one of the guys I’ll have to beat in the future.”
“What do you mean?”
“There are levels, sort of anyway, and you’re paired with someone on your level. You fight, you progress. The higher the level, the harder the opponent, the bigger the purse and all that.”
“So?”
“So, Jay is the guy I need to fight if I want to progress. But he’s saying it’s not worth his time. He’s blocking me.”
“So?” I repeated. “Just ask for someone else.” It didn’t seem that hard a problem to solve.
He slammed the jam of the doorway. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“Well, if he’s blocking you, speak to Zuri. He’s supposed to cover this stuff, right?”
“Yeah, again, isn’t that simple.” He gritted his teeth, growing more and more impatient as I failed to see the problem here.
“And what did he mean by me being the price.”
“He was messing with my head. Don’t worry about that.”
Was he insane? He had unrealistic expectations of my imagination if he though comments like that weren’t going to spin me into a frenzy. I busied myself with my coffee and walked into the other room, slumping on the sofa, drawing my knees up to my chest and hugging them tightly.
Maddison and I had been friends for so long. We’d been together under a year, yet the gulf that had opened between us overnight seemed scarier than anything else we’ve faced.
“I’m sorry about last night.” He followed after me.
“You’ve said that already. But why do I get the impression that you’re more sorry about your fights, than how you treated me?”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“Really? I thought we’d always be honest with each other?”
“We are.” He protested, but it felt insincere.
“Just… leave me alone.”
“Don’t you have a lecture?” He glanced at my state of undress.
“Oh, now you’re worried about my education?” It was spiteful, but I was so mad right then, I didn’t care.
“Whatever.” He walked away, shaking his head, and I was left to sit in my own anger.
That argument was the first crack, the first sign that our happily ever after wouldn’t be as easy as I’d hoped. But then, we were still finding our own way. True love never ran smoothly. I placated myself with clichéd words to comfort the doubt that had once again taken up residence at the centre of my chest.
Chapter 20
Grace 21 Years Old
It was funny—I’d moved out and taken my chance with Maddison because I’d thought my world was on pause, and I wanted to do something about that. To finally take charge and grab hold of what I wanted.
But it had been hard to find the positives in the few months after our argument, and I retreated further and further within myself. I’d completed Uni. Finished, and with any luck, I’d scraped through with a decent degree.
I spent all my time at home, or the pub where I still worked, and I had even fewer friends now than ever. Maddison might have insisted things were different, but they were his friends, people he was familiar with, that he wanted to spend time with or impress. They weren’t mine.
The lustre of the life he led had worn off as soon as he took that creep’s side against mine all those months ago. Sure, I went to parties still. But I’d learnt my lesson—I didn’t let Maddison out of my sight. And he needed me to be the designated driver for the most part. It seemed that drinking was increasingly required at these parties now.