“I know. But I need to do it my own way. When I’m ready.”
“Don’t you want to call? Let them know you’re alive?”
She sighs. “I know you’re thinking from the other side. And I appreciate your input. I really do. But after two years of being forced how to live, I need to do this for me. I know I’ll never be back to normal, but before I talk to them, I want to be as close as I can be to the daughter they knew.”
I start to open my mouth, but she cuts me off.
“Can we move on from the heavy? I need a dose of happiness right about now.”
“Right.” I spring off the couch and grab the controller that fell to the floor at some point. “Use the directional pad to move between movies. Pick what you want. I’m going to grab something to drink.”
She takes the controller delicately as if she’s trying to avoid brushing my fingers. “No alcohol, please.” The words are so soft I almost don’t hear them.
And it hurts that I was naturally going for the liquor in the cabinet. The motion was subconscious. I never actually made the decision to grab a hard drink, but I’m Sin, and that’s what I do. Now I have to decide if I’m going to do what I always do or make a different choice for the woman in my living room.
Do I care?
Do I want to?
When I stop fighting, it seems so easy. “Only water here,” I lie.
“Good.” She smiles at the TV as she flips through the selections.
I make myself busy adding ice to a glass and filling it from the tap to give her a little space. I need it too. I’ve never talked so openly about my past before. Not even to Elias. He’s only heard bits and pieces, usually when I’ve been too drunk to censor myself.
“Do you want some?”
“No thanks,” she calls out in a timid voice.
“Shelby.”
The cursor on the TV stops moving as her fingers lock around the controller. “Yes?”
“Do you want some fucking water?”
Her eyes go wide as they lock onto mine. I can see it there. She wants water, but she’s so damn conditioned not to ask for anything.
You’re thirsty. Ask me for some damn water.
I hold her gaze as I bring my glass to my lips. Condensation has formed from the ice. A drop trickles down the side of the glass, and I catch it with my tongue, licking it up to the rim. We stare each other down as I take a long, cool drink.
“Shelby,” I growl. My voice snaps her out of her trance.
“Y-yes, please.”
The glass hits the counter with a thud, and I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes, please what?”
She takes a deep breath, her shoulders shuddering. “Yes, please, I’d like some water.”
“Then go get some. You’re free to help yourself in my house.” I grab my glass and saunter back into the living room.
She scrambles off the couch and into the kitchen.
“You haven’t eaten all day, have you? Not even a drink.”
“Will you get angry if I answer honestly?”
“You just did.” A darkness filters through my voice. What was Elias thinking, leaving her here all day when she can hardly fend for herself?
“Why ask me if I want a drink if you were just going to make me get it myself?”
I sling my arm over the back of the couch and twist to face her. “You’re back in the real world, princess. You want something, you get it. No more of this waiting for permission shit. That said, you better also fix yourself a damn sandwich, so help me God …”
“I don’t know how to do that. Not ask for permission, that is. I know how to make a sandwich,” she answers softly as she goes about doing that.
“Then I’m gonna teach you.”
Shelby starts coughing loudly. I raise an eyebrow in her direction.
“You?” she sputters, trying to catch her breath.
“Who better? I’m already an asshole.”
I try not to grin as she picks up her water, looks away, and takes a small sip. I give her a moment to get back to the couch. I don’t want to make her trip with my surprise comments.
“You think I’m an asshole,” I tease even though it’s not really funny. She thinks I’m an asshole because I’ve been nothing but one since the moment she arrived. “You gonna pick a movie or scroll through the titles all day?”
“Um, maybe you should—ˮ
“No.”
“Sin.”
“Alex.”
“Alex!”
“You want to watch a movie, blossom, you pick.”
“Fine.” With more attitude than I’ve ever seen from her, she picks up the controller, presses the button a few times, and picks her movie.
“Fuck me, really? Could you have picked a more girly movie?” Even through my bitching, I settle back on the couch.
“You made me do it. Now shut up and watch.”
My lips twitch at her fire. “That won’t happen. I cannot and will not watch A Walk to Remember. I’m takin’ a nap.”
“Here?” She tries to mask it, but her voice still comes out high-pitched and wobbly.
“I’m too comfortable to move, so I guess so.”
“Okay, Alex.”
Okay, Alex. There it is again. Her sweet voice responding in a way that implies trust and gratitude. All for what? Sitting on the couch with her while she watches a damn movie? This girl has been through unmentionable horrors. Things most grown adults can’t even fathom. Yet she’s simply happy to have a companion while she watches a movie that she got to pick. The simplicity of it all sends a warmth spreading through me, and drifting to sleep is as easy as breathing.
Chapter Nine
Sin
When I woke, she was gone.
Elias must have come back for her during my nap. The lingering effects of my withdrawal made me sleep like the dead. I woke up on the couch this morning with my body screaming at me for falling asleep there last night. Now I’m in the shower letting the hot water do its work on my aching neck.
Something is happening to me. Something big.
I don’t know how, but the little princess has gotten under my skin. She makes me think and reevaluate my life choices. She pushes my buttons without even trying. I’ve moved one step up from wanting to wring her skinny neck, and I might actually care about her.
I live in a small circle. For the longest time, it only had Molly and Elias. When Molly disappeared, my father redeemed himself by helping to search for her. The three of them existed as the sole people I could trust for so long. Then my pop died. It broke me more than I care to admit.
Who am I kidding? The scalding water pounding on my back elicits a groan from my chest as I give myself a dose of reality. I was already well past shattered, but the pieces were still held together. His death was the catalyst for ripping me apart again.
The dark path I followed after Molly went missing beckoned me back down its twisted trail and brought me to the cliff face. I nearly jumped. The thought of ending it all was sweet.
The drinking.
The fighting.
The drugs.
The women.
It was only a matter of time until I got on my bike shit-faced, without a helmet, and crashed. Or OD’d on heroin. Or picked the wrong guy to kick my ass.