However, I need to figure out my own life before I can think about disrupting hers any more than I already have. So I tamp back the yearning and focus on today and the coming week, during which much will be decided.
I try not to think about that as I enjoy the Cuban-themed feast, featuring many of the dishes I had the first time I was here and a few new things. Carmen explains everything to me, and I try it all. I’ve yet to have anything here that isn’t delicious. We’re seated at a big horseshoe-shaped table next to Carmen’s parents and Nona. Abuela clearly relishes her role as the hostess.
Between courses, Carmen reaches for my hand under the table. The sense of connection I feel with her is powerful, so powerful in fact that only a few weeks after another woman upended my life in the worst possible way, I’m fully prepared to allow that to happen again.
Carmen is more than welcome to upend my life in any way she sees fit.
Everything would be different this time. I know that with a certainty I’ve never felt with anyone else.
“Are you okay?” Carmen asks.
“I’m great. You?”
“It’s nice to have you here.”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“I know we can be a lot . . .”
“I was thinking how lucky you are to have such a great family. They must’ve been an enormous comfort to you.” I don’t have to say when. She knows what I mean.
“They were. They surrounded me and held me up in every possible way. Mami slept in bed with me for the first month. Maria took the second month. My cousin Delores, who we call Dee, took the third month. She’s one of the cousins that lives in New York now. I was never alone, unless I wanted to be. I’ve always been thankful for them, but never more so than I was then.”
“I can’t imagine what it would be like to have people like that, who swoop in and try to make it all better.”
“You didn’t have that in New York?”
I shake my head. “I have friends, most of them colleagues who think I’ve gotten a raw deal, but no one who swooped in the way your family would have.”
“You haven’t seen true support until you’ve seen it from this clan.”
“I’m sure it’s formidable.”
“They saved my life. Without them around to remind me of my many blessings, I’m not sure I would’ve survived losing Tony.”
“I’m very glad your life was saved so I would get to meet you and spend this time with you.”
“Me too.” She smiles, but it’s tinged with wariness that I wish I could do something about. However, until I know where I’m going to end up and whether we’re going to be able to make something of this, she’ll remain wary and guarded, and I can’t blame her for that.
After brunch, we go grocery shopping. As I watch her carefully choose produce, I discover yet another layer to this woman who has me completely fascinated.
“Why’re you staring at me?”
“I’m not staring so much as ogling you as you ogle the avocados.”
“Choosing avocados is very serious business.”
“So I’m learning.”
“They can’t be too firm, and you don’t want them too soft. There’s a sweet spot right in the middle.” She hands one to me. “Feel that? It’s perfect.”
While trying not to let my mind wander in lascivious directions, I take it from her and give it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll never look at avocados the same way again.”
“Have you ever actually bought one before?”
“I can’t say that I have.”
“Savage.”
I crack up laughing. “What are you going to make with those avocados anyway?”
“I put them on salads mostly. Avocado is an excellent source of good fat.”
“Is it now?”
“It is. And good fat helps to get rid of the bad fat.” She pulls a face. “I like to think of it like a Pac-Man in there, gobbling up all the fat I don’t need.” She puts four avocados in her basket.
“You don’t think you’re fat, do you?” I’m not at all sure if I should ask that, but curiosity wins out.
“I think I’m curvier than I should be.”
“I completely and adamantly disagree.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Stop.”
“I will not stop. I think your curves are luscious, delicious, sexy perfection, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.”
“You’re very good for a girl’s ego.”
“Your ego should be very, very healthy.”
I love the way she smiles at me and continues on her way, list in hand like the well-organized woman she is.
We return to her place, and when I tell her I want to check out the gym in her complex, she frowns. “Enjoy that.”
“Come with me.”
“No way. I’ve already told you I suck at the gym. I don’t need you seeing that for yourself.”
“Then let’s go for a walk or something.”
“It’s too hot.” She looks up at me. “You go. I have some things I need to do around here, such as laundry. I can toss yours in, too, if you want.”
“I don’t expect you to do my laundry.”
“I know you don’t. I offered. Put it in the bathroom if you want me to do it, and go have your run.”
“I’d rather hang with you than go run.”
“You can do both. I’ll still be here when you get back.”
“You promise?”
She kisses me. “I promise.”
I gather my laundry and put it in the bathroom, as directed, before changing into running shorts and a tank top. This is going to be quick because I don’t want to waste whatever time I have with her doing something as mundane as running.
I want to be with her every minute that I can for as long as I can. Who knows where I’ll be a week from now? All I know is the thought of being anywhere but with her is suddenly unfathomable to me.
CHAPTER 20
CARMEN
In the morning, Jason and I take two cars to get cortaditos from Juanita before parting company to spend the day apart for the first time in a week. He’s heading to the clinic, and I’m going to my office at the hospital to fine-tune his presentation to the board that’s set for Friday at four.
I show it to Mr. Augustino that afternoon, and he agrees it’s excellent.
“Can you think of anything else that ought to be included?” I ask him.
“Perhaps more about the details of his research and how that could bring national and international prestige to our hospital.”
“Good point.” I make a note to ask Jason for more information about the specifics of his research.
“This is very well done, Carmen. Great work.”
“Thank you. Dr. Northrup made it easy by giving me so much to work with.”
“Is it true that he’s back at the free clinic in Little Havana this week?”
“He is.”
“Well, that’s good of him to do.”
“He really enjoys working there. If he’s granted privileges here, I think he’ll continue to volunteer there as often as he can.”