“Ernie just likes me more, I guess.” I smile, signaling to the waitress standing at the corner of the bar.
“Yeah yeah, what guy wouldn’t in that getup. Overdressed much?” he asks, gesturing toward the plunging neckline of my tank top.
It’s true, I wouldn’t normally wear this to a casual city bar; in fact, I’ve only worn this once before tonight. I specifically bought this shirt to wear to a club Kit wanted to go to last year on his birthday. The kind of club that has a dress code and bouncers that wear all black and enforce said dress codes, a place like Poison. Now I wish I had taken an extra fifteen minutes to go home and throw on something else, anything else really because now I’m going to have to lie to Kit again.
I roll my eyes, blowing a strand of hair off my face.
“I had a date.”
“What? with who?” he asks, leaning his forearms on the scuffed tabletop.
“Well, he stood me up so it doesn’t matter,” I shrug, thankful that I can hear our waitress approaching.
She takes our order quickly, and by the time she turns and heads into the kitchen, Kit seems to have forgotten what we were talking about before.
“My mom called this morning. She said you haven’t texted her back about Thanksgiving,” he says, staring at me intently.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, nervously.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
“Go on,” he nods his head at me.
“Uhm.” I lick my lips and search the empty table for an answer I know isn’t hidden there before my brain kicks in, giving me a glimmer of hope. “It’s no secret that I’ve had a setback, or, well, almost a set back I guess.”
“Piper, we already talked about that…”
“I know-I know, but I scheduled a few appointments with Wendy, and I think it’s really important that I don’t go home right now. You know, that environment is kind of toxic for me, and I just need to be here right now,” I say, immediately feeling the guilt piling up and wishing I knew how to shut everything off again.
“I get it. I’ll let her know, and hey, I’m happy that you called Wendy. That’s a huge step. I’m proud of you, Piper.”
I nod my head and swallow the lump in my throat, feeling like I might vomit from the weight of all the lies.
When our food and drinks come, I down my jack and ginger and pick at the fries. My appetite isn’t what it used to be, and it’s nowhere near my thirst for blood, but I still enjoy munching on my old favorites, and honestly, it's a major help when it comes to curbing my cravings. In the weeks since I started really cutting back and controlling my blood intake, I've leaned on human snacks pretty hard. I was basically eating two meals a day and then drinking one bag- less some days, and none for the last few. But, I know I can't do that anymore; if I want this to be a fresh start and a chance at a stronger, healthier life, I need to really let go of my bad habits and stop using my past as a crutch.
All of my damage, the broken pieces, and darkness- I need to stop leaning on them and leave them behind. That includes my fears and insecurities and using blood to feel in control. If only there was a search bar for all of the vampire questions I have, where I could find the cliff notes version of everything I need to know. Quick, easy, and painless. Unlike the alternative, a certain tall, dangerous and sexy vampire who surely has the answers I crave, but is capable of breaking my heart in half if I give him the opportunity.
“Last call,” the bartender shouts.
I pull out my phone, shocked that it’s after two. Kit and I finish our drinks and leave. We step out onto the sidewalk, and I turn to look at him. His cheeks are flushed from the warmth of the bar and the handful of drinks he had, and I realize how much I’ve missed this. These small moments of normalcy I used to take for granted- grabbing a late-night drink that turns into five, just being with my best friend, my family. He leans in to give me a hug, a familiar, comforting gesture I willingly return.
“I’ve missed us,” he mutters into my hair as I rest my cheek on his shoulder.
I feel my fangs begin to tingle beneath my gum line, sliding down as I pick up the scent of blood flowing freely through the veins just on the other side of his skin. I immediately realize that the three feet of solid wood table top separating us inside the bar made more of a difference than I ever thought possible. His tight hug loosens, but I hold on, not because I want to hurt him, but because I’m afraid that he’ll see my teeth, or that my eyes will have grown dark, the way that Bane’s do when his mask is off, and the beast inside takes over. I'm stronger than this, I tell myself. I fed just a few hours ago, this isn't hunger, it's impulse.
Turning my face away from Kit’s neck takes every ounce of strength I have, but once I take a few pulls of the crisp fall air and the scent of his blood clears from my mind, I feel the fangs at my gumline retract- a wave of calm washes over me. I press my eyes shut, relieved that I was strong enough to resist my animalistic urges, to keep my secret hidden and Kit safe. This will get easier, I tell myself as I pull away from Kit and take another breath of fresh air.
“You’ll get through this,” he whispers. His eyes are bloodshot from drinking, but the sincerity is unmistakable.
Panic sets in, my heart begins to race, and I can feel my eyes widen at his words. I take a small step back, needing to put some distance between us as my emotions shift into overdrive. It’s been an overwhelming twenty-four hours, between almost attacking Kit and spilling my secret to everything that happened between Bane and me. I’m completely exhausted. After the few hours we just spent hanging out, I thought for sure that I was in the clear, that Kit had mulled over my story about his visions of monster-me being a drug-induced hallucination. Now I feel like the rug I had woven from my own optimism, and naive hopes has been pulled out from under me and set on fire.
I swallow hard and stare into his eyes, completely speechless. What is a girl supposed to do when her best friend finds out she’s a bloodthirsty monster? My therapist definitely never covered this in our sessions, and I am ill-equipped to handle something of this magnitude. Not to mention, if Bane finds out that Kit didn’t buy the cover-up story, he’s going to kill me, or Kit, probably both of us to be honest.
“We’ll do it together, just like before,” he says, squeezing my hand gently.
I look down at our hands, and my panic turns to confusion.
“What?” I hear the word slip through my lips, barely a whisper.
“I was there, Piper. I know how hard this was for you last time, we lived together, remember? You don’t have to put on a brave face and act like you’re not struggling, not with me.”
I let out a deep breath I didn’t even realize I was holding in, my heart slows, and my body relaxes. Of course, Kit’s talking about my supposed relapse, that makes complete sense. I nod my head and smile back at him, squeezing his hand in return before pulling away.
“Thanks, Kit. That means a lot.”
We head in opposite directions, and as soon as I’m far enough away from him, I take a series of deep breaths and run my fingers through my hair. I seriously need to calm down. The past twenty-four hours have me on edge, and that's putting it lightly. I can’t imagine I’ll get any sleep at all tonight; in fact, I’ll probably spend most of the night doing yoga and eating copious amounts of snacks to distract me from my thirst, which I can’t satisfy because my fridge is empty. Where the hell does Bane get his never-ending supply of blood anyway?