The walk back to my apartment is eerily quiet. I must have looked over my shoulder at least half a dozen times when I was almost sure I heard footsteps or felt like I was being watched. Each time I found the sidewalk behind me completely empty. I’m officially losing my grip. I walk into my apartment and toss my keys toward the couch, I hear them bounce off the edge and clatter against the floor as I walk toward the fridge searching for the perfect snack. When I pull open the refrigerator, I freeze. Confusion fills my mind to the brim as I stare at the shelves of neatly stacked blood bags- enough to last a few weeks by the look of it. I slam the door, running my hands through my hair in frustration. My confusion morphs into anger and I push away the little voice in my head that points out the kindness behind the gesture, it’s not kind if he’s doing it for selfish reasons, I tell myself despite the uncertainty settling in my stomach.
I walk away from the snacks and the blood, deciding that a shower is the best way to move past tonight. Just wash it all down the drain and pretend nothing ever even happened, right? This definitely sounds like a healthy and well-adjusted approach to a complicated situation.
With plenty of blood flooding my system in the past twenty-four hours, my shower is hot and relaxing. If I’m being honest, that's one of the hardest parts about being a new vampire- you know, aside from the near-constant thirst. When my body gets too low on blood, I lose touch with the world around me. My ability to smell and taste fades away, and I slowly lose the ability to interpret sensations and physical feelings until everything feels the same. Everything becomes lukewarm, and aside from blood, the smells and tastes all blur together. My world becomes flat, one dimensional, and driven by my inner monster.
As soon as I shut off the water, I can hear his heartbeat in the next room. I’m not afraid or caught off guard like the first time or the last time. No, this time, I’m torn and a little annoyed. My brain is telling me that I’m confused by the blood he left in my fridge, his unexpected presence, and the connection I thought we shared. It’s also telling me that I’m angry. He lied to me, led me into a room full of vampires completely unprepared, and then disappeared, leaving me to learn the truth about him, and us in the worst way possible. My brain is committed to hating him for that, but my stupid, traitorous heart isn’t as sure. Truth be told, neither is the rest of my body.
Walking out of the bathroom, I head right to my closet, deciding to ignore Bane's presence completely. It may not be the most mature course of action, but after the exchange I had with a certain red-haired vampire tonight, I’m ok with that. I slip on plain black leggings and a cotton t-shirt, gather my towel-dried hair into a messy bun on top of my head, and walk right past him on my way to the living room.
“Wow,” he says, his voice is sarcastic, and I try to ignore the playfulness in his tone as I sit down on the sofa, back toward him. “I haven’t been ignored in years. That’s refreshing.”
I lean forward, reaching under the front of the couch to grab the laptop I keep tucked underneath. I’ve been meaning to order some essentials online, now’s as good a time as any to shop for paper towels, shower cleaner, and a variety of snacks.
“Piper,” Bane says. His tone is serious, smooth, and sweet, a seductive combination. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and take myself back to the penthouse in Rittenhouse square. That feeling is all it takes to pull my gate back up and reinforce my walls, remind myself of the pain that others can inflict when you give them your trust and confidence. I hear his shoes against the hardwood, his steps are slow and steady until he stops behind me.
“I saw you tonight with your friend. I was going to interrupt, step in, and steal you away, but,” he stops. His words trail off as if his thought was derailed. I wait, staring at the screen in front of me, but seeing nothing. My full attention is on him and whatever words come next. His fingers move to trace the exposed skin on either side of my neck, gently brushing up and down, leaving chills as they go.
“For the first time since the night we met, you looked genuinely happy, and I couldn’t bear to take that from you.”
“I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all,” I say. My words lack interest and energy, but I guess that’s what happens when you fight your feelings, only to give into them and get burned a few hours later. The ultimate ‘I told you so’ from my brain to my heart, only the rest of me is stuck in the middle, tired of the back and forth and desperate to be left alone.
He exhales and continues sending chills down my spine with every soft, slow motion, teasing the feelings I’m trying so hard to bury.
“For just a fraction of a second, I thought you would need my help again, outside that ratty old bar, when your friend leaned in and gave you a hug. I could hear your heart racing and your fangs aching to tear-free. I was pleasantly surprised when you reeled yourself in.”
I surprise us both when I tilt my head to the side and look up at him, his black cotton shirt is pushed up to his elbows, and his muscular forearms and stubbled face make something in my stomach flutter.
“It sounds like your little stalking expedition was a waste of time. I’m sure your night would have been better spent with Allison,” I say, flashing him a fake smile before returning to my screen and adding a lavender-scented candle to my cart.
“Is that what all of this is about?” he asks. His voice sounds surprised.
I stay silent, continuing to add completely non-essential items to my shopping list.
“What did she say to you?”
“Are you with her?” I ask.
“No,” he says. His answer is quick and firm.
“That’s funny because she said a lot of things that made it sound like you two are…intimate,” I say, practically forcing out the last word.
“Like what?” he presses.
The last thing I want to do right now is relay Allison’s words, but if that’s what it’s going to take to make Bane understand that we’re over then so be it.
“She knew that you brought me home and gave me blood after you turned me. She made it sound like getting into the pants of new vampires is your M.O, and,” I pause, grinding my molars and taking a deep breath. “She made it very clear in a detailed and descriptive way that you two have something going on. So, I think we’re done here. You can leave now.”
I finish my order, trying to ignore the fact that Bane is still standing behind my sofa. I’m tempted to ask him why he did it, why he lied to me and led me on. But even if I wanted to let my guard down again- which I don’t, let him know how much he hurt me and demand an explanation, how could I trust anything he said?
“Piper, when I said you would leave me, I imagined it would be because of something dark and gruesome. I thought when you found out I was the leader of the vampires in this city, that would be too much baggage for you, or when you found out that it’s up to me to punish the vampires who break our laws, that would be too violent, too evil. I was sure the blood on my hands would push you away, so I hid it for as long as possible. I didn’t see this one coming.” His fingers disappear from my neck.
“Maybe that’s the problem, Bane. You were planning my exit when you should have just told me the truth,” I say, slamming my computer shut and tossing it aside. I shift my position, turning to face him. “I walked into that room, relieved that you were by my side, and I walked out of it alone, feeling like a fool. Allison’s words stung. Hearing about your fangs biting into her breasts, knowing that her fingers have traced the same inked skin as mine- that hurts. But finding out that you had been lying to me since the moment we met- leading me on, letting me think we shared some kind of connection last night, that was something else entirely. I saw you standing over a pile of bodies, and sure, it took me a while to come around, but I did. I heard you out. I trusted you. That was your opportunity to come clean, but you lied, and you betrayed my trust. So, there’s the door because I don’t want to do this back and forth thing between us anymore.”