I want to trust him. I need to.
“You sure?”
When he squeezes my hand and presses the button for our floor, I tear my gaze away from his firm grip and look up at him. Sway’s right. It’s okay to be terrified, but I can’t let that hold me back. If I do, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m okay.”
I think so.
Reaching our floor a few seconds later, the elevator doors slide back open, and we walk down the hall in silence. I’m too lost in my thoughts to actually carry on a conversation, and since Ben can read me like a book, he doesn’t press the topic.
The electronic key glides into the lock, then Ben opens the door and guides me inside our hotel room. Staring warily at the bed, the same what if’s run through my mind that have been on a constant loop since we arrived.
Maybe the change of scenery will be enough to keep our relationship at the forefront of his mind. Maybe he won’t get lost in his past this time. Maybe I’m enough for him. Maybe we could build a relationship that lasts more than a few months. Maybe it could even last for the rest of our lives.
Or maybe I’m crazy, and he’ll never be able to love two women instead of just one.
Because I’m not trying to replace her. I’m not. I just want to be able to step outside of her shadow and have him look at the real, flawed, yet beautiful Marcy Holden.
Is it even possible?
“You’re thinking about something,” Ben calls me out.
“Nothing,” I whisper in response.
“Bullshit.”
“Ben….”
Turning me toward him until we’re face-to-face, he pushes, “Do you trust me?”
His calloused hand encompasses my bicep, and I study it just as closely as his question. It’s funny. There’s so much weight to it that I find myself speechless before forcing out the truth.
“I want to trust you.”
He nods, though his jaw stays tense. “I can accept that. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that I could fall for you, but that terrifies me.” It’s only half a lie. I am terrified. But I’ve already fallen, and there’s no going back for me.
“Why are you so terrified, Marcy?”
“Because I’m scared that you’ll always be too busy carrying around the memories of your wife to make new ones with me.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he rests his forehead against mine and breathes me in. It’s like I’m his oxygen. If only he knew that he’s turning into mine too.
“I think I’m in love with you, Ben,” I whisper. “But I haven’t been fair to you, and that’s on me.”
“It’s not your fault––”
“Shhh….” I tilt my head and kiss him. Dragging my tongue along the seam of his lips, I silently beg for him to open up to me, and he complies without hesitation.
His fingers press into my lower back, bruising me with their need as I guide him to the bed.
Once he’s seated on the edge of the mattress, I lift my dress to my waist, then straddle his thighs before kissing his strong jaw. The scruff of his beard scratches my sensitive skin, but I kind of love it.
“I’m going to need you to take off your shirt now,” I order against his heated flesh before dragging my tongue against his neck. The slight taste of salt has me rolling my hips against him in need.
With a curse under his breath, Ben rips his shirt off, then throws it across the room. His hands find my waist, and he guides me back a few inches to give him enough room to undo his belt buckle. Raising onto my knees, I wait for him to slide down his jeans while ignoring the way my heart is racing.
“Come here, Marcy.” His gruff voice grounds me as his bruising grip returns to my hips. With only a flimsy set of underwear between us, I gasp and grind against him. I’m dripping. Desperate. And terrified. But he feels so good, and it’s almost enough to distract me from my insecurities that are yelling at me right now.
He’s using you.
He only wants her.
You’ll never be enough.
“Marcy.” My name is a prayer on his lips. “Shit, Marce.”
His hands slide up my back before that same desperation takes over, and I fight with the fabric of my maxi dress that’s bunched around my waist. Tugging it over my head, I tell those stupid insecurities to shut the hell up. My dress joins Ben’s shirt across the room, then his hand is tugging aside my underwear, and he lines himself up with my core.
Take the leap, Marcy.
My thighs shake as I lower myself onto him and gasp at the sensation of him inside of me. At first, he doesn’t move and lets me take the lead, giving me time to adjust. But I don’t need long before I slowly grind against him and swivel my hips.
He continues chanting my name. Over and over again.
Eyes closing, I let myself get lost. In his touch. His words. His breath. All of it. Until I find myself on the precipice of an orgasm that I have no doubt will consume me the same way he has.
“I’m…,” I moan.
Shit. I’m close.
His pace quickens, pushing me over the edge before following right behind me.
“I love you, Marcy Holden,” he groans with his forehead pressed between my breasts. As he tries to catch his breath, his grip tightens around my back like he’s afraid I might disappear.
But I’m not going anywhere. Nothing could take me away from him.
He holds me tighter as his breath slowly starts to even out, but he doesn’t move a muscle.
Just…holds me.
A tear slips down my cheek, and I wipe it away before dropping my chin to the top of his head that’s still pressed against my heart.
He squeezes me a little tighter before I whisper, “I love you too, Ben.”
27
Marcy
It’s funny what letting go of your insecurities does to a person. It’s freeing. And liberating. I feel like I can finally breathe. Like I can enjoy my relationship with Ben instead of questioning every minute detail until a migraine starts to blossom at the base of my skull.
I’m happy.
Really happy.
Because I’m in love.
And the best part? He loves me too.
“Are you sure Dylan said it was okay for me to tag along?” Ben inquires with his hands in his front pockets as he waits for me to ring Grady and Dylan’s doorbell.
“Yup. They offered to drop her off, but I was kind of missing my Petunia.”
“Petunia?”
With a grin, I ring the doorbell. “You’ll see.”
Sadie is propped on Grady’s hip as he answers the door looking like his usual handsome self. “Hey, guys. Come on in. Thanks for helping us out tonight.”
“Don’t mention it. I watch my nieces and nephew all the time,” Ben returns. “Are you okay that I tagged along, though?”
Grady waves him off. “I’ve heard you two were pretty inseparable. I would’ve been more shocked if you didn’t come.”
“Grady!” Dylan yells from a room down the hall. “Will you come help me zip this up?”
Turning back to us, Grady hands Sadie to Ben. “I’ll be right back.” Then he strides to where Dylan’s voice originated and calls back, “I can help you take it off,” before a door closes and muffles her response.