Acknowledgements
To my readers without you all there would be no Aleisha Maree. Thank you for loving my words as much as I love writing them for you all.
My husband you love me regardless of how insane I am. You keep me inside safe hugs and cherished stares. Forever will I be your wild girl from the South Island, and always will you be my beast from The North.
My children I will love you forever under the moon and over the stars. Thank you for letting me love you crazy intense like I do and kissing and hugging you in public. I know my boys are hating on me silently especially the 22-year-old. Sorry boys but Mumma loves you hard.
To Susan without you I would be lost, you are truly the most beautiful soul I know.
Kym and Nicole, Vic and Cass, Lyssa and Ruby, Kay and Cathy, I am one lucky lady to have you beautiful souls in my life. I am me and you guys just take that and roll with it. I finally feel like I can be me and crazy and it’s all ok. Thank you all so much for loving me.
Elizabeth you are just amazing. I message you at such random times and you’re like always there answering, talking me through things, making suggestions that rock and polishing my words so it doesn’t sound too crazy but just crazy enough to be cool. Thank you so much for always being there, patient and willing. You’re one remarkable lady.
Glossary of the Irish\Gaelic language
Fan deartháir sàbháilte -Stay safe brother
Déan è a Ioc as an dearthàir tromlui ar fad -Make him pay for all the nightmares brother
Feicfidh mè go bhfuil tu sa solas saor in aisce anois mar gheal ar dhioghail mé do na h-anamacha. - I will find you in the light rest free now for I have avenged your souls
Slàn garmhac - Good Grandson
Slan Seanbhuachaill - Good old man
Go leor leis an seanfhear - Enough with the old man
Is maith liom è seo ach pian an chinniuint nò an è an fáth go bhfuil tu mall? Amanna anseo a thagann sé - Riddle me this is pain just an illusion of fate or is it the reason your late? Times up here he comes.
Is maith liom…. Tagann sè an là an dorchaclas ar oicheanta oighreata agus là geal. Tagann sè go dti na cathain agus na leapacha leapa. Tithe agus ď áit oibre. Nuar a thagann se, tagann sè ina aonar, deanann sè sciath ar guhalainn, ansin tà sé imither cè he….? - Riddle me this… He comes to bedsides, icy bridges, battlefronts, and crumbling ridges. When he comes, He comes alone, taps a shoulder, then is gone. Who is he…..?
Theme Song – I Refuse by Five Finger Death Punch
Spotify Playlist –
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5nXvczSqr69hZkzbe5K85A?si=3o0T73W7SW6l5wPZcK_w2A
Spotify Profile - Aleisha Maree Author
https://open.spotify.com/user/p7tej673vwh280o7jvl3191qw?si=EVY7ZznwTLamo7_WSL-0jQ
Distrust
Noun – The feeling that someone or something cannot be relied upon.
Verb – Doubt the honesty or reliability of; regard with suspicion.
Dishonor
Noun – A state of shame or disgrace
“They have bought dishonor upon our family.”
Verb – Bring shame or disgrace on.
The Beginning
Nightmares and terrors of echo’s from a past.
~ Micha Ragen
Tears stream down Mom’s face as I drag her into the hidden compartment inside the closet. It’s our safe place my big brother built and told me if anything bad started to happen within the walls of our home I was to take Mom and run to it and hide. To do it quietly and not ever make a sound. The safe room was inside the closet in his and father’s office that they shared for working on the family business.
The goddamn Mafia, we were the Mafia and hated by many, loved by few.
They said no one would even know, and they would never look there for us. We would be safe.
So, with my mom wrapped in my tiny arms, I tried to keep her safe and quiet like my big brother told me to do. You’re the man of the family if anything happens to father and me.
We can see everything happening inside the room from the peephole. Why would you place a peephole in there? It’s haunting but I can’t seem to look away.
They can’t see us, the bad men dressed in black, but I can see them. Each and every one of them. I burn their faces into my memory.
I never understood why we would need it.
Until now.
I run my tiny hands over my mother’s back calming her, trying to soothe her with my shhh’s it’s ok mom, it’s all ok. I said it over and over until she was sobbing quietly, the silent echo’s inside the tiny space mixing with the sounds of extreme violence outside the door. I watch the whole thing unfold and end around me.
The men in black came in with guns—the kind that are from the movies that my big brother watches in his room. I’m not allowed to, my mom said, but my brother used to let me lay in his bed watching with him in secret. Don’t tell mom he always said. She would have a fit if she knew. I was different, she said to father all the time. His mind is too brilliant to be wasted on violence. I never understood what she meant.
Big knives, they pulled big knives out with their guns and the sunlight hit the cool silver sending shards of light over the walls inside the office.
One man in black charged at my brother who has a knife of his own. His knife slices over the man’s right cheek. Blood drips from the wound, the flesh sliced open and that angers the man, so he wildly swings at my brother.
Another man comes up behind my brother wrapping his arms around him, holding him tight as he tries to fight him off. The man who he cut advances on him and stabs him over and over and over again. His pained grunts fill the room along with father’s angry screams. He’s begging them to stop. To leave, just go. My mom is begging them to stop and it silently echoes around me, while inside my head I am screaming at them to stop as well. Just stop! That is my family!
It hurts to hear my father beg and my mother cry. As my brother gurgles out within the arms you hate. This attack echo’s loud inside my head for vengeance will be had I will rise strong and I will reign a pain upon you and your Familia that not even god could withstand.
Something is happening in my chest. There is a pain, a tightness.
It’s hard to breathe as I watch them. They don’t stop. My brother is on the floor choking on his own blood as one man stands over him and shoots him in the head. The noise is so loud its echo is inside my ears as my mother’s nails dig into the flesh of my arm popping the skin.