“Why don’t you rest for a while. Let me run up to the house and get you some ice water.” Gus slowly started to back out of the barn but kept his eyes on me. I could see the worry for me wrinkling his forehead and I hated that I was causing him anything but happiness. In the short time that I have been here, I have come to love Gus with my whole heart. He is the only actual family that I have left, and it feels good to have him in my life. I never wanted to cause him anything other than happiness, but how could I, knowing that I was going to be gone from his life just as quickly as I showed up in it. I know that letting him fall in love with the idea of having a granddaughter was cruel, especially since I have this awful disease eating away at me. None of this is fair.
“She’ll be okay,” Jax reassured him as he continued to hold me. I could hear his heart beating through his chest and wanted to close my eyes and get lost in the sound. Taking a deep breath and breathing in the scent of Jax’s shampoo mixed with sweat and horse, I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips.
“What are you thinking about?” Jax’s voice startled me.
“Nothing. Just really embarrassed that I fainted like that. Did I scare the horses?” I asked as my eyes met his.
“No, they are fine. You did scare me,” Jax admitted.
“I didn’t mean to,” I told him as my eyes searched for something to focus on. Setting on the open stall door, I watched as the mother horse cuddled her new baby. I missed Paige. She would know what to do in this situation. She was always so much better at the boy/girl stuff than I am.
“Didn’t mean to what?” Gus asked as he made his way back into the barn with a glass filled with ice water. Leaning down, he placed the glass into my trembling hand and watched as I brought it up to my dry lips. “Go slow. I can’t have you choking now.”
Sipping the cold nourishment, I nodded my head in acknowledgment of his instruction. The cold liquid traveled down my dry throat and hit my stomach causing me to tremble even more. Jax looked down at me with concern in his eyes. I felt the heat of embarrassment spread through my body and I wanted to be anywhere but in his arms. Placing the now half full glass down next to me, I tried to pull away from Jax again.
“Do I stink or something? You keep trying to pull away from me,” he whispered so low that I could barely hear him.
No,” I sighed.
“Oh for heaven’s sake, the girl likes you.” Gus couldn’t contain his laughter as he looked down at me, then up to Jax.
Chapter Fourteen
Feeling Jax’s grip loosen from around me, I looked over at Gus and tried to keep my face from morphing into a frown. I can’t believe he just said that and judging from Jax’s reaction, his concern for me was only fleeting. Pulling out of his embrace, I sat up on the hard and dirty barn floor.
Focusing my gaze on the beautiful horse that I have come to love and her new baby, “Maybe I will take Rain Dancer out for a stroll today.” My throat hurt as the words left my mouth and I absentmindedly reached for the glass of ice water that Gus brought me. The ice was now melting and the glass was coated in moisture. I wished that I could melt away just like the ice. Maybe my heart wouldn’t continue to break like it had been ever since I got the awful news from Dr. Sullivan.
“Autumn, are you okay?” Gus asked gently. Sitting down on the ground next to me, he placed a gentle hand on my knee.
Keeping my eyes locked on the majestic animals in front of me, I leaned into my grandfather’s chest. He instantly wrapped his strong arms around me and held me like a baby. Turning my head to look at Jax, “I wish it would stop hurting.”
Jumping up and rushing over to me, “What hurts?” Jax asked as he bends down to check me over.
Welcoming the heat from his skin, I looked up at him through my lashes and tried to smile. “I’m fine.” The words came out barely a whisper and I felt Gus loosen his hold on me.
“I think I left the stove on,” Gus said as he stood up and looked down at me. “Jax, take good care of my girl.” Backing up slowly and never taking his eyes off me, Gus left the barn and headed back toward the house.
The sound of Gus' work boots on the steps leading up the house, followed by the slamming of the porch door reminded me that I am alone with the man of my dreams. Staring at Jax, I felt a shiver run down my spine and I wished that I would have grabbed my sweatshirt before leaving my room this morning.
“I’m fine,” I said again with a little bit more energy infused in my voice.
Dropping back down to sit with me, “No you’re not. What hurts?” The concern in Jax’s voice is more than I can take. The tears started flowing before I even realize what was happening. “I wish you would let someone help you.”
“That’s really funny coming from you of all people,” I said as I wipe the tears that were flowing down my face.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I could tell that I struck a nerve with Jax and I don’t even care. I knew that this may be my last chance to really talk to him and I was not going to let this opportunity pass me by.
“Ever since we all found out that I was Gus’ granddaughter, you have treated me like I was the enemy.”
“That’s not true at all! I...I...I…”
“You have barely said two full sentences to me, and you always look at me as if I am the enemy.”
“Trust me, you are not the enemy. I have seen the enemy face-to-face,” Jax said quietly as he continued staring at me.
Wiping away the fresh round of tears that have fallen, I turned my gaze away from him. This is too much, and I don’t know if I am brave enough or strong enough to continue this conversation. I could feel the tiredness settling back into my aching bones and I could hear my soft comfortable bed summoning me to come rest. Letting out a slight yawn, “I shouldn’t have come out here.”
“You’re right.” The words tumbled out of Jax’s full lips cutting me to my core.
Mustering up all the strength that I had, I pushed up off the ground into a standing position. Taking one last look at Jax through my tears, I took a mental picture of him before turning around and heading out of the barn. Feeling the now familiar movement of the ground underneath my feet, I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes to steady myself. Reaching my hands out in my self-imposed darkness, I felt the air around me for something strong to help support myself. Feeling my open palms hit the strong chest that I have wanted to feel without the soft cotton shirt covering it, my eyes snap open.
“Just leave me alone Jax!” I pleaded as I closed my eyes again and willed him to just leave me alone.
Wrapping me up in his arms, “You misunderstood what I was saying.” The sound of his voice was my undoing and I felt my legs give out from underneath me. Collapsing in his arms, I heard the porch door of Gus’ home slam shut and the sound of his boots running down the stairs behind me.
“What did you say to her?” Gus’ voice bellowed as he ran to my aid.
“I was trying to fix a misunderstanding,” Jax explained. Swooping me up in his arms like a new baby, Jax carried me back to the house with Gus leading the way. Sitting me down in my favorite chair, Jax pulled the closest chair to my side. Plopping down next to me, “Do you need anything?”