Meg seemed uneasy, almost embarrassed. She wasn't saying anything, so Julie decided she’d better break the ice.
"You look good. Have you been getting more rest?"
Meg finally looked up, shaking her head and smiling slightly. "I am so sorry, Mom."
Julie reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who’s sorry. I came on too strong, even though I was truly trying to help."
"I know. I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it. But you're right. You and Christian are both right. I don't know what's going on with me, but I need help."
Julie was glad to hear her say it, although she wished it wasn't true. “I’ll do anything to help you. I hope you know that."
"It's just that I hated to ask. I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone else that I was struggling. And the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint you yet again."
Julie cocked her head. "Disappoint me? What on earth are you talking about?"
"I know that you were disappointed when I got pregnant, and I thought if I had the baby and turned out not to be a good mother, you would be disappointed all over again."
Julie's eyes welled with tears, and Meg’s soon followed. "Honey, I've told you over and over that I've never been disappointed in you. And a lot of women go through this. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother.”
"Today, Dixie found me walking down the sidewalk. She took me into the bookstore and we had a little chat. She even gave me a book."
"Dixie is the wisest person I know," Julie said, chuckling.
"I wish she was my grandmother," Meg said under her breath. Julie slapped her hand playfully.
"Well don't ever let your real grandmother hear you say that."
"I called and made an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I know you're busy with Dawson's opening, but I was hoping you might come with me?"
Julie smiled. She was so grateful Meg had asked her. "Of course, I will come with you. Dawson's place isn't opening for two days anyway, so tomorrow I will be right by your side."
"Thanks, Mom. Well, I better get back. I left Christian with the baby for a bit. I need to go get some more diapers before I head home." She stood up and walked around the table, hugging Julie's neck.
"We will get through this, Meg. Everything is going to be okay.”
Meg smiled and nodded. "I believe you. I'll see you tomorrow. The appointment is at eleven o'clock."
"I'll meet you there."
As she watched her daughter walk toward her car, she was struck by what an adult she had become so quickly. Just a year ago, she was a college student with her eyes full of stars. Now, she was the mother of a baby girl who was counting on her. That was a lot of responsibility for a twenty year old, but Julie was determined to help her daughter make the most out of her life and Vivi's.
Julie sat beside her daughter as they waited for the doctor to come into the room. Because this wasn't really a medical check up, the nurse had taken them to the doctor’s office so they could talk in private about what was going on with Meg.
"I don't know why I’m so nervous," Meg said, her leg bouncing up and down like a jittery jack rabbit.
"Everything is going to be fine," Julie said. She looked down at her granddaughter sleeping peacefully, something she loved to do during the daytime but not so much at night, and smiled. “Vivi is so beautiful. I mean, I might be biased, but I think she could be the most beautiful baby I've ever seen."
Meg chuckled. "Yes, I think you definitely might be biased." She peered over her mother's lap and looked at her daughter. "However, I would agree with you. Definitely the most beautiful."
Julie squeezed her hand. "I can't wait for her first Christmas. And then her first birthday. We're going to have so much fun spoiling her rotten!"
"It's hard for me to look forward to that right now."
"I know. But you will. The doctor will be able to help you."
As if on cue, a woman walked in wearing a white lab coat. She was pretty with long blonde hair and looked like she had just stepped out of a magazine. She smiled and reached out her hand.
"Hi, I’m Dr. Miller. You must be Meg?"
"Yes. And this is my mother, Julie Pike."
"Nice to meet you. I know you must've been expecting Dr. Hodges, but he's away on a trip right now."
Meg looked at her mother as if she was hesitant about talking to a new doctor. Julie squeezed her hand once again.
“Okay,” Meg said.
"I understand that you called and spoke to one of our nurses about having some issues with possible postpartum depression?"
"Yes. I mean, at least that's what I think I have. I just haven't been feeling myself since the baby was born."
The doctor smiled reassuringly. "Well, first let me say that this is a very common issue. We estimate that more than three million women experience this every single year after giving birth.”
“Three million? Really?" Julie said.
"Yes. Like I said, we see this all the time. Thankfully, most cases are easily treatable by a doctor, and this normally resolves itself within a few months."
"A few months? That long?" Meg said.
Dr. Miller smiled again. "Well, to be honest, that's usually because the woman doesn't seek out any assistance. But you're here, and that's a good thing.” She pulled out a chart. “There are three phases of the postpartum period after birth. The first phase is six to twelve hours after you give birth. It sounds like you did okay then?”
"Yes. I mean, I don't remember anything being wrong. I was just so focused on the baby."
"And then we have the two to six week period which we call the sub acute postpartum period.”
“This all sounds very complicated," Meg said.
Julie looked at the doctor and raised her eyebrows, trying to give her a sign that Meg couldn't take in a whole lot of information right now.
"It sounds like you may have started having issues during that period of time?"
"I guess so. It really started a couple of weeks after Vivi was born. But now she's almost three months old."
"And now you're in the delayed postpartum period, which can last up to six months."
“Oh no," Meg said, her face falling a bit.
“Meg, this is very treatable. Coming to get help was a great first step to feeling better. So, let me ask you, are you experiencing insomnia? Loss of appetite? Irritability?"
"All of the above."
"What about problems bonding with the baby?"
Suddenly, without warning, Meg started to sob. It was like a huge amount of emotions were suddenly released right there in the doctor’s office. Dr. Miller pulled a tissue from a box on her desk and handed it to Meg.
"Yes. I've had problems bonding. I feel so guilty," Meg said, blowing her nose into the tissue.
"No need to feel guilty. Meg, this has nothing to do with your abilities as a mother. This is completely hormonal and very normal. We see it all the time."
“I don't want to miss this time with my daughter."