It wasn't that he wanted to leave Seagrove, but he wanted to feel successful in his career. He just wasn't sure he could do that in such a small town.
He finished up his paperwork, closed the file folder and put it into the box on his desk. He’d packed just about everything, what little he kept in his office. He was a clean freak, so there weren't a lot of knickknacks to take with him on his long trip.
He’d already spoken with his landlord about his apartment rental, and he had a short-term rental set up in Texas. He had no idea if he would be there permanently or not, but on the off chance that he was, he would soon start looking for an apartment there.
All of it had happened so quickly that he hadn't even had a chance to sit down and think about it. And Janine apparently wasn't even speaking to him. The look on her face the last time he had seen her was enough to tell him to stay away from her. He certainly didn't want to be the one to break her heart.
Just as he was gathering up the rest of his things for the walk to his car, he heard a tapping at the door. Figuring it was his boss telling him good luck, he called out for him to come in.
He was shocked when he saw Janine standing there. She had a small brown gift bag in one hand.
"Hi."
He stared at her for a moment. "Hi. I didn't expect to see you."
She smiled slightly. "I figured. Looks like you’re getting ready to leave soon?"
He nodded slightly. "In the morning. I was just getting the rest of my things from the office."
"I wanted to come by and tell you good luck."
Now, he really was surprised. "Really?"
She walked over to him slowly.
"Look, I know I didn't take this whole thing very well. But you have to admit it came on rather suddenly, and I didn't have a whole lot of time to process it. "
"Same here," he said, picking up the clock on his desk and putting it into the box. He didn't want to look her in the eye for some reason. It made his stomach feel very uncomfortable every time he looked at her.
He loved her. There was no question about that. He had grown accustomed to seeing her every day, to comparing notes after work, to eating lunch on the square. And now she would just be absent from his life completely.
"I'm sorry, William. I just want you to know that I'm very proud of this new job that you're taking. I don't like that you won't be here, and I will miss you every single day, but I also realize I should've supported what you thought was best for you. This relationship isn't just about me."
He walked around from behind the desk and stood in front of her, only about a foot of space between them. "Thank you. It really means a lot."
“Here. I brought you this." She handed him the gift bag.
He sat it on the desk and opened it up. He pulled out a jar of peach salsa that was his favorite, made at a small mom and pop shop down the street. "One for the road?"
"Something like that. I know you love it, and I doubt you're going to be able to find it in Texas. "
"I think they probably have peach salsa in Texas too," he said, laughing. "But, they won’t have this brand. So, thank you.“
"Well, I better get going. I don't wanna hold you up from getting ready to leave," she said, looking down at her feet.
"Hug?"
She nodded slightly, not looking him in the eye. This was hard. Harder than he ever imagined it would be.
He wrapped his arms around her and felt her cheek pressed against his chest. Maybe leaving was a bad idea. Maybe he should just stay put and never know what opportunities he may have lost.
All he knew was he didn't want to let her go. He wanted to take everything out of the box on his desk, turn off the light and just stand there holding her as if nothing ever happened. But things had happened. Even if she was forgiving him now, nothing had really changed. He was still leaving, and she still wasn't happy about it.
Without warning, Janine suddenly stepped back, wiping a stray tear away from her eye and forcing a smile. "I meant what I said. I'm really proud of you, William. I wish you nothing but happiness."
She turned and started walking toward the door. "Janine?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we breaking up? Like, officially breaking up?" He didn't know why he was asking. It seemed pretty obvious, but he hoped he was wrong. He hoped she would say they’d have a long distance relationship for awhile and see how it worked.
She swallowed hard. "I think we have to. Better not to leave things undone."
His breath caught in his chest as he stood there and watched her look at him one final time before walking out the door and shutting it behind her.
What in the world was he doing?
Meg walked down the sidewalk slowly, pushing the stroller ahead of her. Christian had left early for work this morning, probably in part because she was driving him crazy.
Every little thing set her off. Sometimes she cried, other times she yelled. She worried that Vivi's first months of life would be full of memories of her mother yelling in the background. But, for some reason, she just couldn't control her emotions.
After her mother’s visit the other night, she had been very angry with Christian for what she considered to be tattling on her. In her heart, she knew that he meant well as did her mother. She understood they were only trying to help, but it made her feel inferior.
Having a child at such a young age and disappointing her family had made her super sensitive. The only thing she had wanted was to be able to show them what a good mother she could be. She wanted them to be proud of her, to forget about the disappointments of the past and see her as a grown woman who could take care of her child.
Those first few weeks of motherhood had been tough with late night feedings, a colicky baby, sore breasts and exhaustion on a level she could barely describe. Being a new mother was way harder than she’d ever anticipated, and she had new respect for all of the women who’d gone before her.
She stopped and looked in a store window. It was a baby clothing consignment shop that she’d visited with her mother shortly before the baby was born. She hadn't been in there lately, even though Vivi was about to move up to the next size clothing. She was growing quickly, getting older right before Meg’s eyes. Sometimes that made her cry too.
She adored her baby daughter, but there were times that she just felt so empty. Lost. Alone. Defeated. And none of it made any logical sense. She had supportive family all around her. Yet she felt so alone in her misery and sadness sometimes.
Having a new baby was supposed to be exciting. She saw new mothers on TV, in movies and even on the street, and they all looked joyful and happy while she felt like she needed to dissolve into a puddle of tears at any given moment.
She stared blankly into the window, probably scaring the workers inside. As much as she wanted to force herself to walk through the door and purchase something for her daughter, she just couldn't do it. Nothing felt exciting. Nothing felt motivating. Every day it was just the same slow walk through quicksand for her.
She knew that her mother was right, that she should see the doctor. That she should get some help. But, getting help meant admitting that she was the disappointment she’d so feared.
"Are you okay, honey?" she heard Dixie ask from beside her. In her catatonic state, she had completely forgotten the bookstore was right next door to the consignment shop.