Chapter One
We’re lied to as children. Monsters aren’t found in the closet or under the bed, and nothing portrayed in horror movies could ever do them justice. The awful truth became obvious to me at an early age. Real monsters lurk inside of everyone—from a kind elderly grandparent down to the very people who tuck you in at bedtime.
We all have demons inside, waiting to emerge when least expected. The only effective weapon against them is denial. Close your eyes, count to ten, and endure the worst of the assault. Suppress the pain, the anger—the fear.
You breathe.
Eventually, the horror fades, and you convince yourself it was all just a dream.
Until the lies stop working. The nightmare becomes a reality, corrupting every aspect of your life.
Your mind.
Your body.
Your soul.
Until the person you see in the mirror becomes the scariest monster of all. In vain, you try running away.
But you never can.
There is only one choice left—live that pretty, fragile lie and craft the walls of your own ignorant little cage around you.
Like a moth dancing on the edges of a flame.
Music spills from the club’s brick façade, providing a fitting soundtrack for this busy city street. My nerves aside, I can’t deny that the place has its own unique brand of ambiance. Loud, pulsing notes form the bulk, grating against my eardrums. It’s not my preference, per se—more along the lines of the punky sort of stuff that Mara listens to. Vulgar on the surface, but when the chorus hits, the guitar riffs give way to surprisingly deep lyrics.
It’s the juxtaposition, she explains whenever I raise my eyebrow at the noise seeping from her headphones during our bus rides to campus. You should study it more, Hannah. A few curse words might spice up your writing enough that you’ll make the international news next time.
My cheeks heat at the prospect as I lean against a grungy brick wall paces away from the actual line snaking inside. I’m out of sight here, and there’s no one to stare as my hand falls to the knitted bag hanging from my shoulder. I curl my fingers into a fist just to keep from reaching inside for it—it being a crumpled article from four weeks ago. Sure, the article itself had been buried within one of the most well-read local imprints from my small town, but it featured a short story, written by none other than Hannah Dewitt. Or, in this case, Hannah Matthews. Not that using my mother’s maiden name helped obscure my identity any. Everyone from my parents to those in my hometown knew instantly who wrote it.
The narrative conveyed in the few short paragraphs transcends any pseudo-identity I might hide behind. A spine-chilling horror or as my creative writing professor deemed it—a story of betrayal and violence.
And death.
Mara had snorted the first time I showed her the article. “You really carry that around with you?” she’d asked, but her voice had touched on that awed, reverent tone artists reserve for those weird universal quirks we all understand. She just got it.
That feeling.
That pride.
That fear.
After three months of being her unofficial best friend, I’m convinced she loves testing our mutual fears more than any other bonding activity. Our fear of rejection. Isolation. Of the unknown.
Like venturing out to a club on the outskirts of downtown at a time inching dangerously close to midnight. It’s one of the most reckless things I’ve ever done, even if I haven’t gathered up the nerve to go inside yet. I’m here, and that’s the important thing. All for the sake of research—how can I write about the human experience without…well, living?
The first step? Break free from my cage—a task easier said than done. Warily, I dig through my bag for my phone. It might not be a cage in the literal sense, but its pink case resembles nothing more than a pretty shackle, linking me to an owner, though he’s miles away. Several unread messages dance across my home screen, none of them from Mara:
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
My fingers tremble as I hastily compile a reply. At home. Like usual, lol.
A new message flashes across the screen as if the writer knew my response by heart, ready with his own counterpoint. Is your webcam still broken?
I swallow hard and desperately try to ignore the unease unfurling in my belly. I can do this. I went over the plan a million times, fine-tuning every detail, such as insisting the security camera he’d installed in my apartment had spontaneously combusted this morning. It’s a harmless lie on the surface, but it set the groundwork for my fragile confidence. I’m ready for anything.
Yeah, I finally reply. The battery died, remember?
Sweat slicks my palms as I wait for a response. A heartbeat later, my phone vibrates with an incoming message.
Call me then.
Enjoy Santa Barbara, I insist. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine without you for just one night.
Call me, Hannah. Now.
I sigh and bring the phone to my ear. It barely has the chance to ring before someone picks up on the other end. “How are you doing?” my brother demands.
“I’m fine, Branden.” I try my best to keep the strain from my voice. “Now enjoy your vacation. Promise—”
“I can barely hear you…” Static disrupts his words. I just get shouted snippets. “What the hell is that noise?”
“N-Noise?” My heart stops beating. As if from miles away, I interpret the music pulsing in the distance. Crap. He must be able to hear it even through the phone. Turning, I spot a nearby alley and hurry down the cramped space until a dumpster blocks my path. At least here, some of the noise fades.
“Sorry, I was…watching something on the television,” I say, cupping my hand around the receiver. “I turned the volume down.”
“You think you can live by yourself in an apartment and have the TV that loud?”
I grit my teeth at the disapproval in his tone. “It’s not that big of a deal, Bran. I’m sorry—”
“Take a picture,” he demands. “Right now. Your cell phone seems to be working okay if you can’t use the webcam. I need to see your smile.”
“Branden.” I’m blinking too rapidly to ignore the prickling sensation building behind my eyes. It’s such a stupid reason to cry. I’ve prepared for this, too.
“Just one,” he goads in that tone that makes the outrageous sound reasonable. Sane. “So that I can make sure you’re safe.”
“I’m honestly fine,” I whisper in a half-hearted attempt to placate his paranoia.
More static rattles the feed from his end as if he pulled the phone from his ear. “Kaitlin! Pack up. We’re heading back tonight—”
“Fine.” Sighing, I hold up my cell phone and take a picture of the brick wall before me. The shutter sound echoes loudly enough for him to hear it. “Cheese,” I mutter as I flick through my recent photos and select the one I took right before leaving my apartment. My finger shakes as I hit send. “Satisfied?” I ask, knowing that within seconds he’ll be able to see the image—me, supposedly safe and sound, lounging on the couch in my pj’s while smiling wide.
“I’m just looking out for you, Han,” he finally replies. “I still don’t get why you left. I’m just trying to protect you. You know that. And I’m sorry…for what happened the other day. You should have told me you weren’t coming sooner.” His voice hardens the way it does when he’s thinking too long and too hard. Usually, about the past and all the ways I’ve screwed up under his watch before.