He grabbed the picnic basket, and they walked together to the gazebo. He put their food—sandwiches, chips, and pickles—on cloth placemats that had belonged to his mother and poured River a glass of iced tea. “So, what got you interested in herd dogs?” he asked, wanting to know everything about her.
“My grandparents have a hobby farm. They have a few goats. We went to the county fair. One year, I saw the shepherds there, working their dogs, and I was hooked. So I got Boo a few months later, after researching dogs and finding a breeder. I’ve been training him ever since. It’s one of the most fascinating and rewarding things I’ve ever experienced.”
“It’s good to have a passion.”
“What about you?” she asked. “What’s your passion?”
Cash took a bite of crunchy pickle. No one had ever asked him that before, and he hadn’t asked himself that question either. “I guess it’s my family. And the ranch. I’ve always known that I would be a rancher, and taking care of my family’s land means a lot to me. Sometimes I feel like I never really had a choice. But in a lot of ways, that just made it easier. I always knew where I belonged, and always knew that I had a place.”
River sighed and looked away. There were tears in her eyes. Cash felt terrible. He’d somehow upset her. He reached across the table and took her hand. She looked back at him and smiled, gently pulling her hand away to wipe the tear that had fallen down her cheek.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice.
“It’s nothing. I was just thinking about my past.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay. I have to deal with it, or I’ll never get past it. I was born in a hyena compound. I didn’t get out until I was already an adult. I was luckier than most. My father was a high-ranking member, the leader of our compound, so life was a bit easier for me than for some. But I never really felt like I belonged there. I never knew who or what I was. It wasn’t until I met my grandparents and got the chance to heal that things started to make sense. But I guess in some ways I’m still that girl who doesn’t know who or what she is or where she comes from. I always wanted a real family like I saw on television. But even though my father protected me in some ways, in other ways, I was just another captive at the compound.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, not knowing what to say or how to feel. Hearing about her past was gut-wrenching. He had nothing in his own life to even compare it to, and that made him feel inadequate.
“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” she said with a dark laugh.
“I’ve heard that. But I wasn’t sure if I believed it.”
“In some ways, it’s true.” She took a bite of her sandwich. “After all the help and work and therapy and love my grandparents gave me, I feel like I’ve come a long way. But there’s part of me that will never escape the compound. You know what I mean?”
Cash nodded dumbly, not knowing what else to do. It was so tragic it made his heart hurt. All he wanted in the whole world was to make her feel safe, secure, loved, and whole. He wanted to spend every moment of his life giving her a place that felt like home. She’d asked him what his passion was. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had one. It was her.
9
River couldn’t believe that she’d revealed so much about her life. But the look of compassion and warmth on Cash’s face made her feel safe.
“It’s my greatest wish that you feel like you belong and that you have that family you always wanted.”
“That’s nice of you to say,” she said.
“I mean it.”
His face was so earnest that it made her do a double take. She smiled and let out a long sigh. There was something genuine about Cash, something that she’d felt with his brother as well. She was starting to have feelings for him, too, and it tore her up inside. Just a few days before, she never would have imagined dating one man, let alone two. But here she was, having feelings for both of them.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” he asked.
“I’d love that.”
They put the remains of the picnic back in the basket and started down the trail from the gazebo. Cash slipped his hand around hers. She looked up at his handsome face and felt the surge of warmth go down her spine. It felt so good and so right to be close to him. His tall, broad body gave her a feeling of protection and security she’d never felt around any other man except maybe Cal.
The sun was high and bright, but a soft breeze was blowing off the marsh. A crane flew overhead, and songbirds darted in the bushes. Cash and River walked over the wooden path that had been built through the marsh, which gave them a clear view of the water and the forest beyond. It was such a magical place that River felt as if she was falling into a sort of trance.
They stopped at the edge of the marsh, in the deep shadow of the forest, where they sat on a bench and looked out at the water, still holding hands. River was dressed in shorts and a tank top. The breeze kissed her suntanned skin and cooled the back of her neck. She chatted with Cash about the things she’d learned from Austin and Heath. There was so much to learn about farming, and it was filling her with such a deep sense of purpose that every day felt like a new adventure.
Cash rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, sending a tingling energy down her spine. He awakened so much desire that it startled her and made her question everything. Can I see myself settling down with this man? She could. What he had to offer was everything she wanted—safety, security, a family, a home. But she still didn’t know if she was ready to give herself to someone—to let herself be touched and known in ways that she’d avoided all of her twenty-two years. And then there was Cal. She had feelings for him too. How can I possibly choose between them? How can I possibly choose them both?
As the songbirds flitted in the sky, Cal turned to her, and his eyes sparkled as he smiled. She smiled back and reached up to brush an eyelash from his cheek. That act of tenderness sent a spark between them, and he leaned in, cupping her face with his strong hand.
She moved toward him, too, and they kissed in the warm glow of summer, their lips hot and moist. She parted her lips as his tongue slipped into her mouth. She quivered with need as he drew her closer. Their kiss became frantic. A hot flood of need ran down her spine and into her belly as their kiss intensified.
Before she knew what was happening, she’d climbed into his lap. His arms were around her. She could feel his heat and hardness underneath her. She’d thought that it would scare her, but it had the opposite effect.
She kissed him more deeply, her mind blank, her body responding as if it had a mind of its own. Her instinct, the fox inside her, howled that she’d found her mate and should never let him go. It was so startling and overwhelming that her human mind drew back, rebelling against the primal urge that drove her toward Cash.
She pulled away, breaking their kiss, and stared into his eyes. Her fingertips went to her lips. She couldn’t believe what she’d been doing. It was so unlike her to lose control like that and to let herself be touched, consumed by their shared desire.
She slipped off of Cash’s lap, stood, and turned away from him. She took in long breaths, trying to fill her lungs and calm down. He stood behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Part of her wanted to turn around and throw her arms around his neck, but she shrugged that impulse away and ran her hands over her face. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She was so confused that she couldn’t think.