There are five of us nearly tied in the top spots as I go into my last of five runs of the evening. Sarah is one of them of course, along with world champion Aya Nomura, Lennon, and a Brazilian skater who has been one of the top-ranked in the world for years.
The scores will be based on the top three of our five runs. I fell attempting the 720 on my first run, and that ended up being my worst score. I’m up next, and I still can’t decide whether to give the 720 another shot. I landed it two of six times in practice, and over the past few weeks I’m consistently landing around a third to a half of my attempts, depending on the ramp, its height and structure.
If I fall, my score for this one probably won’t be one of my best three, which means I won’t move ahead of the other four. On the other hand, if I land it, I could win. I don’t want to get greedy but… winning my first X Games? It might be worth the risk. Sure it would be embarrassing to fall trying the same trick twice, especially after all the hype and praise around my 720 at Fusion Bowl. But with the exception of Sarah Kase, most of my peers in the skateboarding circuit are supportive and excited for me. They would want me to try again, for the pure thrill of it. For the sake of skateboarding and moving it forward with each milestone, big and small. A girl landing a 720 for the first time at the X Games is something new, something to inspire, like Beck was talking about.
When the buzzer signals the start of my run, it comes down to me simply wanting it. I want to do it. Even if I managed to stand on the top of the podium without the 720, I’d be disappointed in myself for not going for it. The burn in my belly as I drop in and go straight for the steepest vert, it’s not about sticking it to Sarah Kase or showing off for anyone, it’s about the rush, the thrill, the challenge.
Before I even hit the coping and soar into the air, I know I’m going to land it. My timing is flawless, my positioning perfect. My brain shuts off; there aren’t any voices. Not the anxiety-filled ones who have been eerily silent for months now, and not the instructional ones giving me a play by play on what to do or critiquing my form. It’s all sensation as I fly through the air and glide down the ramp with a gracefulness that surprises me.
I’m smiling so wide as I carve around the course, I’m tempted to just call it a night with a victory lap. But I’ve still got time on the clock to burn, and I spend it shredding every ledge and vert I can reach.
This is what it’s all about. Not the score that will appear on the screen or the check I’ll get from my performance. It’s not even about the scowl I know I’ll find on Sarah Kase’s face as soon as I dismount, or the congratulations I’ll receive from the other women.
It’s about seeing a challenge, an opportunity, and taking that risk, knowing the odds of falling are higher than success. If it inspires others to do the same, so they can feel this perfect kind of natural high I’m experiencing, even better. Skateboarding is about me, having fun, but I’ve realized over the past year, the past couple of months, it can be even bigger than that too.
Beck
I’ve stood on top of a podium at the X Games more times than I can count at this point. Vienna, my agent, counts for me and someone updates my website. But sharing this moment with Jordan, her first X Games and her first X Games win, it’s something I’ll never forget. Yeah, this girl will continue to amaze me for the rest of our lives. I’ve got no doubt about it.
Jordan’s invited to a dinner with the rest of the women who competed vert, and while I want to celebrate with her, I know I’ll get to soon. We make plans to meet up afterward, and I find Taylor and Moses to head to another restaurant with some other guys who competed with us today. Knowing Sarah Kase will be at the dinner and will be all huffy in her jealousy annoys me, but I’m confident Jordan can handle it just fine without me. It might put a little damper on her celebratory vibe, but I can see she’s already forming friendships with the other pro women.
There’s really only one thing, or one person, who can bring me down tonight, and he grabs my arm as I leave the arena.
“Beck, I really need to talk to you.”
I hesitate for just a second, debating whether to deal with him now that the competition is over. It seems like giving him any attention at this point will only provide incentive for him to continue playing games to find a way into my life. But even as I shake his hand off, I realize I’ve got to shut him down once and for all. I’m not going to keep putting up with this crap.
I turn, directing the full force of my hostility on him. “Fine,” I grit out. “Let’s talk.”
Dad looks around and gestures for us to move toward the water fountains under the stairs where there’s not as much traffic moving by. I call to Moses and Taylor, who are waiting on me, that I’ll meet them at the restaurant. It’s just around the block.
Dad looks nervous, and possibly a little panicky, which sets me even more on edge.
“What is it?” I snap.
“It’s Camila.”
Is he kidding me? I almost turn to leave right then but he continues. “She’s got some obsession with you, and with Jordan.”
“I’m aware of her obsession with me, Dad. This isn’t news. She was all over me on Shred Live. It’s pretty sick you’re with her now for a lot of reasons, but that alone is the biggest.”
“I’m not really with her, Beck. I’m pretending to be because I knew something was off the second she showed up at my office as a potential client. I recognized her from Shred Live, and I knew all of that footage was fake because of you and Jordan. I only dated her, or pretend-dated her, because I was suspicious of her and I wanted to do something, anything, to earn your trust and respect back.”
I shoot him a look that I hope shows all my incredulity at this little explanation of his.
“Or, not earn it back, but earn it, period. I went out on a limb and I think my gut was right, Beck. But her fixation isn’t just on you, it’s on Jordan.”
My throat goes dry. “Where is she tonight?”
“She went out to dinner with the other women competitors after the award ceremony just now. But she was acting really off, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“The same dinner Jordan’s at?”
Dad nods in response to my question.
“I thought that was just the women who competed in vert tonight,” I mutter, more to myself.
“I know. I was in the stands with her watching, and she overheard some of the plans and decided to tag along. I don’t have a good feeling. I think you should go to the dinner, make sure Jordan’s okay.”
Hearing my dad try to give me advice makes me want to immediately reject all his words, but when it comes to Jordan’s safety, I don’t want to make the wrong call. This kind of behavior isn’t typical for my dad – going out of his way like this, wasting time on a woman who might have an obsession with his son. His concern and alarm appear genuine, and the man has always been fairly transparent to me.
“You should go,” Dad urges. “Or call her at least and warn her? I don’t know.”
Dad’s urgency has the dual effect of making me paranoid he’s setting me up for something or other, and also making me want to sprint to the restaurant she’s at. I guess I want to trust him but I have no real basis for giving him that trust either.