‘Typical. And that’s what we pay our taxes for. What else have you done?’
‘I’ve been on the parkrun website and found out a bit more. There are local ambassadors who can help, but until we get permission to use the park, we can’t do anything. It’s all a bit chicken-and-egg. And we’re going to need lots of volunteers.’
‘That won’t be a problem,’ said Hilda complacently.
I wasn’t so sure about that. ‘I don’t even know where to start.’
‘Why don’t you go and see Sascha in The Friendly Bean?’ Hilda had a Machiavellian glint in her eye. ‘Just think of all the extra custom a parkrun would bring her.’
Hmm, twenty people and a dog, I thought, but I had to admit it was a good idea.
‘Okay, perhaps I can ask her to put a poster up. Invite people to a meeting. Find out what sort of interest there might be.’
‘She’s a sound young woman. There was some scandal about her a while back but I don’t listen to that sort of tittle tattle. Honestly, the old dears at Sunnyside have nothing better to do. Gets right on my tits it does.’
‘Hilda!’ I laughed.
‘Claire. I can say far worse, you mark my words. And you should hear the Queen. When we used to dog-sit the corgis when she went away – that was my first husband and I; he was very well connected you know – we always had tea with her. She can swear like a dozen troopers.’
‘Really?’ I was beginning to think that some of Hilda’s more colourful anecdotes might be grossly fabricated, or at the least somewhat over-embellished.
‘Shame I can’t come with you to see Sascha but I need to show my face at Sunnyside, make sure they know I’m still alive or they’ll be ringing my son and that’s the last thing I want.’ With that, she picked up her silver lamé messenger bag and disappeared out of the kitchen with her usual cheery, ‘Toodle-pip.’
I sat at the kitchen table feeling silence settle on the house and that sense of shame came nudging its way back. I’d neglected so many parts of my life, but Hilda bulldozing her way in had brought sunshine into so many of the dark corners. Even now, thinking about her and all her husbands brought a wry smile to my face. She wouldn’t have let Ash get away with ignoring her; she’d have taken the proverbial bull by the horns and given it a damn good shake. I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin. Which was exactly what he deserved.
Birds were singing their little hearts out as I walked across the park, passing beds filled with tightly packed flowers of pink and white. Spring was definitely running into summer and the sycamore trees shading this part of the path were vibrant with dark green leaves. I slipped off my cardigan to feel the sun on my skin and slowed my pace to enjoy a rare sense of peace.
I’d always lived life at a hundred miles an hour, taking on as much as I could and trying to make sure everything was perfect, which invariably meant I was always running late or trying to catch up with myself. It suddenly struck me, why did I set myself so many goals all the time? And why was I always desperate to be the best I could be? Was it because Alice had been such a trial to my parents so I would always make sure I was never a problem, especially after she got pregnant, when they had enough to worry about? No, even before then I’d learned to be self-sufficient, and because I was academically able I was left to get on with things. But I’d still wanted their attention; I guess that was where my over-achieving and determination to do well had come in.
It had become a self-fulfilling cycle and now an ingrained habit. No wonder I’d become so stressed. There, I’d finally admitted it. In the last week, that feeling of being on the cliff edge of catastrophe had finally dissipated. Now, as I walked slowly in the sunshine, I realised that I had been stressed. Ridiculously so.
The realisation was like letting all the air out of a balloon. I didn’t need to be anywhere by any particular time. The knowledge was hugely liberating. Time was my own to command.
There was absolutely no hurry to get to The Friendly Bean, so I sat down on one of the park benches, taking a minute to sit back and close my eyes, enjoying the sun’s warmth on my face and my bare arms. I’d actually put on a dress for this meeting because I found the brusque, businesslike Sascha a little intimidating, which was ridiculous really because at work I was used to dealing with far more high-powered people. It was symptomatic of how much self-confidence I’d lost since I’d been officially told that I wasn’t capable of doing my job. I bloody hated that stress diagnosis. It had robbed me of so much. Maybe it was time I started fighting back.
After five minutes, I got to my feet. At the worst, Sascha could say no. But she could also say yes. Hilda’s upbeat, can-do attitude with her refusal to consider any of the obstacles I kept raising, had definitely rubbed off on me this morning. Feeling more positive than I had for a very long time, I headed for the café.
When I pushed open the door of The Friendly Bean, there were only a couple of people in there and Sascha’s scarf was a vivid rainbow of blues, violets, pinks, and fresh greens, reflecting the colours bursting to life out in the park.
‘Hi,’ I said.
‘Not running today, then,’ Sascha nodded towards my outfit.
‘No…’ I grinned at her. ‘Wanted to appear more professional. Have you got a few minutes?’
At this, her sculpted pierced brow rose. ‘Are you hoping for a job?’
‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘I want to run an idea by you… to do with the park.’
‘Sure. Coffee?’
‘Cappuccino, please.’
With experienced barista expertise she whistled up two coffees and as she poured the frothed milk in them she nodded towards the purse in my hand with a shake of her head. ‘On the house.’
We sat in the same corner I’d sat in with Alice weeks ago and like a curtain being pulled back, it made me think how much things had changed in that short space of time. The world seemed clearer and brighter and I’d lost that lethargic fug and sensation of dragging my limbs into action. I think it had a lot to do with the running. It gave me a sense of purpose each morning and a goal to strive for. I could almost run a whole 4k now without stopping.
‘You okay?’ asked the other woman.
‘Yeah, yeah, fine.’
‘So, what do you want to ask me? If it’s about installing outside heaters, it’s a no. And if you’re trying to sell me environmentally-friendly coffee cups, I’m already on the case. I’m quite happy with my coffee supplier and my sister makes all my cakes. Anything else you’ve got, I’ll listen to.’
‘Accountancy services?’ I offered laughing.
‘My dad.’
‘Good because I’m not trying to sell you anything.’
‘Thank fuck for that, because I needed a break and you gave me a good excuse to get off my feet. I didn’t want to have to cut it short. So, what do you want?’
‘A group of us’—that sounded a heck of a lot better than me, an old woman, one man and his dog—‘are thinking about setting up a parkrun here, in the park obviously, and I wanted to know if you would help us publicise it by putting up a poster… and I wondered if you might consider letting us use the café to hold a meeting. We need to gather together local volunteers and find out if people would be interested.’