Chapter Eighteen
Ash stared at me, his eyes narrowing as he unlocked the car doors. The beep sounded loud in the quiet street.
‘What?’ I asked, as I slid heavily into the bucket seat after he loaded our bags into the space under the bonnet. My stomach was full after a rather yummy breakfast dished up by Darren – avocado and poached eggs on sourdough toast along with slices of crispy bacon. After the parkrun, I felt I’d earned every single delicious mouthful.
‘You’re back.’
‘Back?’ I frowned as I tugged at the seat belt.
His face was hidden from me as he leaned over the steering wheel but then he tossed back his hair and a shot me an almost accusing glare. ‘You’re all sparkly eyed again.’
‘Am I supposed to apologise for that?’ I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
‘That first time I met you, even though you were being a complete ballbreaker—’
‘I was not. You were being an arse. You backed…’ I realised how ridiculous this was and shut up. He raised that eyebrow and I folded my arms. And then I burst out laughing. ‘You make me so mad sometimes, Ash.’
‘Is that all?’
‘Stop flirting; it doesn’t suit you.’ Despite my words, I couldn’t help my mouth twitching. ‘You were saying…?’
‘It’s like the life-force is back. When I first met you… that’s what I noticed. Your eyes sort of sparkled all the time you talked. You were so full of energy.’
I rolled my eyes but actually, I knew what he meant. This morning had been like walking through a wall and coming out into brilliant sunshine. It was only now that I felt normal that I realised how long I’d been functioning in fog.
‘Endorphins,’ I said, stretching my arms out in front of me, wriggling my fingers. Every bit of me felt alive and buzzing with awareness. ‘Did you know that the Tring parkrun is the seventeenth hardest in the country?’
‘No. Bloody hell. It was tough though.’
‘Well, it was your idea.’
‘Should have gone to Harrogate.’
‘Yeah but we wouldn’t have learned as much. Andy, the guy who set up this run, was really helpful and so was today’s run director, Katie.’ We’d spent a little while in The Akeman, the local bar-restaurant where many of the runners congregated after the run. We’d picked a few people’s brains and met some inspiring people, including Luciana, a complete non-runner who’d lost an astonishing twelve stone, and Elaine who ran with her ten and twelve-year-old daughters every Saturday, and the volunteers who rocked up week in and week out to share the wonderful sense of community. It was truly inspiring. ‘I’m so glad we came.’ I buzzed with a sense of achievement and also excitement.
‘So you really want to go for it?’
‘Absolutely.’ I turned to him. ‘You?’
‘I guess. It was… can I say fun? Knackering… but there was a real sense of community there.’
‘Everyone was so friendly. And so supportive. I felt like…’ I hesitated, wondering if it sounded a bit stupid. ‘I felt like I was part of something. Like I belonged… even though I’m not a proper runner.’
‘Define “proper runner”.’
‘Those people that came haring past me when I was still panting my way up the hill like a physically challenged hippo.’
Ash laughed, loud and strong, and it made me realise I hadn’t heard him laugh properly since our date. ‘If it makes you feel better, a couple of them are former Olympians.’
‘That makes me feel almost super human.’ I sat up straight in the car with a surge of pride. ‘I did the same course as an Olympian.’
‘And there were plenty of people who didn’t look anything like “proper runners”. I was surprised by how many kids were there.’
I sighed a happy sigh. ‘It was amazing, and we’re going to make it happen at home.’
‘Oh God, Hilda’s created a monster.’
I rubbed my hands together. ‘Too right. In fact, I’m going to put together a list of all the things we need to do. Nothing’s going to stop us now.’
‘When you look like that, I believe you.’ He nodded his head and I knew he was referring to my eyes again. A foolish tingle of happiness danced in my chest. Very foolish. Falling for Ash a second time would be a huge mistake.
‘Mind if I make a call?’ I asked as we drove further north. I could almost feel Ash’s sense of gloom returning. It was as if our trip had been a brief holiday. We’d talked initially about the parkrun but the minute we hit the M1, the atmosphere in the car felt as if the barometer pressure had dropped. Even his posture had changed as he slumped into his seat.
‘No, go ahead.’
I listened to the overseas dial tone before Alice’s cheery voice invited me to leave a message.
‘Hi Alice, it’s Claire. Just calling to find out if you’ve got a flight tomorrow and what time you want me to pick you up. The girls are really excited about seeing you. Can you give me a call or text me?’
I hung up.
‘Still no word?’
‘Par for the course for Alice. She’s not big on responsibility.’ Even so, it was stretching things.
‘And you are.’ It was an observation rather than a question.
I shrugged. ‘One of us had to be. If we’d both been like her, my parents would have had nervous breakdowns. As it was, my mother came close.’
‘Family dynamics – always fun. I think I must be the Alice of our family. The loser.’
‘Bollocks, Ash. That’s rubbish and you know it.’
His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.
‘Until recently, you were flying. You’ve hit a bump in the road. It’s derailed you, that’s all. We both know that. I think we agree there’s no point in platitudes. And it’s shit. Not working, not having a purpose. I get it.’
He shot me a reluctant smile, as if grateful for my honesty.
‘And I know it’s all right for me because I have a job to go back to but you will get another job eventually.’
‘You think? I’ve had so many doors shut in my face. What do I have to do?’
‘I was thinking…’
Ash shot me a glare that basically said he didn’t want to hear it. It was a challenge in itself.
‘Have you thought laterally? You said you were a social pariah in your sector. How about trying a different one?’
There was no answer but he hadn’t told me to shut up.
‘Your degree. It was in mechanical engineering. Could you transfer into that field but in the financial area? Like finance director or something.’
He kept his eyes trained on the road which meant I’d struck a chord, otherwise he’d have just glared at me.
‘It’s an idea,’ I said, determined to make him think about it.
‘Noted,’ he said and using the controls on his steering wheel, he turned up the radio.
‘You’re welcome.’ Yeah, I had to have the last word because, after all, this was Ashwin Laghari and I was never going to stop challenging him. If he had half a brain, he’d know I was right.