‘Better for whom? Claire and Ash are friends. Now what seems to be the problem?’
‘Perhaps we can take a seat?’
‘Poppy, would you carry on dear, while I handle this? Tiresome, I know,’ her wrinkled mouth pursed in walnut crinkles of annoyance and the look she gave the police officers was frigid, her blue eyes positively glacial. ‘Ava, if you follow Poppy’s instructions to the letter, you may help her. Claire, would you mind if we went into the front room?’
I shook my head and watched as Hilda marched out of the kitchen like Boudicca leading her troops.
A beat later she called. ‘You too, Claire and Ash.’
We shared a bemused frown and followed into the sitting room at the front of the house.
‘Now, what is all this nonsense about?’ said Hilda, sitting in one of the armchairs with her legs crossed, folded her arms
‘They seem to think we’ve kidnapped you,’ I said calmly in an isn’t-that-the-most-ridiculous-thing-you’ve-ever-heard voice.
The WPC sighed and cut across me.
‘Mrs Fitzroy-Townsend, your family is concerned about your welfare and wellbeing because they weren’t aware of your whereabouts and were unable to contact you. They filed a missing persons report.’
‘How bothersome of him. You mean my son, of course,’ said Hilda with a weary sigh. ‘As you can see,’ she indicated with a body scan hand gesture, ‘I’m perfectly safe and well and staying here with my young friends.’
‘Perhaps, madam,’ said the WPC, ‘you might like to get in touch with your family and reassure them.’
‘Yes, yes, yes. I suppose it was Farquhar, fussing as usual.’
I tried to hide a snigger behind my hand. No one, surely, called their son Farquhar.
Hilda grinned and lifted her shoulders in an apologetic shrug. ‘It was before Shrek came out. Although, the prince is actually called Farquaad.’
Now I really did laugh and I could see Ash pinching his lips together.
‘I think pregnancy addled my brains but his father insisted. And it’s a family name; I believe it was one of the fourth duke’s names, although I suppose in the sixteenth century it was quite acceptable. I bet it was him, wasn’t it? Always was a fusspot.’
‘I believe it was a Mr Farquhar Fitzroy who raised the alarm, after the manager at Sunnyside Memorial Home said that you’d been missing overnight.’
‘Stupid, stupid boy. And that damn fool manager. I’m a grown woman and if I want to go away for the night I do not have to inform that pipsqueak.’
‘Do you have a mobile phone?’
Hilda gave him a withering frown and I didn’t blame her; there was definitely a patronising tone to his words.
‘Young man, I have a mobile phone and I am also of sound mind. I was rounding up Russian spies and enemies of the state during the Cold War before your parents were even born. If I decide to go away for a night or two, it is of no concern to anyone but myself.’ There was a silence before she added with a decided note of dismissal, ‘It’s a great shame you’ve been brought out on a wild goose chase. Please inform my son that I am quite well.’ She stood up.
‘Perhaps you would like to ring him yourself, to set his mind at rest.’
‘Perhaps I wouldn’t,’ said Hilda with a regal tilt to her head. ‘Now, if there’s nothing more, I have cakes to bake with my young friends.’ With that, she swept out of the room and headed off towards the kitchen.
‘Right, well,’ said the police officer, a little put-out.
The WPC’s eyes twinkled and she gave me a wry smile. ‘Quite a character.’
‘She is. I’m sorry you’ve been put to the trouble of having to come here. We had no idea.’ Of course, Hilda’s overnight carrier bag made perfect sense now. I’d wondered why she’d brought so little. She’d deliberately not told anyone at the home she was going away. Hoisted by her own petard, I thought. Karma was a bitch.
‘Well, we’ll be off. If you could encourage her to phone her son, it would be a good idea.’
‘I’ll do my best,’ I said, not holding out any confidence in my chance of success.
‘In the meantime, we’ll let him know she’s safe and sound.’
Of course, Hilda, presiding over butterfly buns and tea and squash with the girls, wasn’t the least bit penitent.
‘Honestly, what a fuss. I am perfectly entitled to go off on holiday without having to inform anyone. I’ve a good mind to give the manager of the home a good talking to.’
‘They’re just concerned for your welfare,’ I said gently.
‘Poppycock,’ she grinned. ‘I bet Farquhar was worried I’d gone off and got married again. He was mightily pissed off when I married my fourth husband, George. We got married in Vegas in the Elvis chapel. It was a hoot. I posted pictures on Facebook and Farquhar was livid. He was worried George was marrying me for my money, which of course he was, but as he didn’t have long to live, it wasn’t as if he was going to get through an awful lot of it. Sadly, he only lasted another couple of months but we had a ball. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend driving a Harley down Route 101 all the way to Baja. Fabulous.’ She then proceeded to tell Poppy and Ava about riding a motorbike and being stopped by a state trooper who wanted to arrest her, which Poppy and Ava listened to round-eyed.
Ash caught my eye, his expression sceptical – Hilda always seemed to have a wealth of interesting stories – and we shared a quick conspiratorial smile.
‘So what news?’ asked Hilda, after tea and cake had been consumed.
‘It’s a goer,’ I said, sitting up straighter and trying to contain my sudden bounce. ‘Although someone might have warned us it’s all up hill – talk about hard work. We’ve almost got permission from the council but there’s just the small matter of raising three grand to buy all the equipment.’
‘Equipment? echoed Hilda and I explained just what was required and what we’d seen that morning.
‘Gosh, it’s quite a bit more of an undertaking than I thought it would be. It’s a good job you’re on the case, Claire. What’s the plan for this week?’
I outlined the agenda for the next couple of days, feeling a bit more like me again, using the list I’d made in the car on the way back, which included researching all possible grant providers and local sponsors who might help us raise the cash.
‘Tomorrow morning, the girls and I are going to design some leaflets inviting potential volunteers to The Friendly Bean.’ I had a small scanner and laser printer that would make light work of the job and it would give the girls something to do before we went to the airport. ‘We need to recruit a team of at least twenty people. This week I’ll get them printed up and then we’ll start distributing to the houses around the park, community notice boards, Facebook, and so on; the running club are going to put some up on their side of town. We also need to come up with some fundraising ideas as three grand is no small feat. Apparently, there are grants and things we can apply for.’
‘Which all take time,’ Ash added with a downward twist to his lips.
‘Excellent,’ said Hilda, completely ignoring his pessimistic addendum. ‘And when does Alice get back?’ Both Poppy and Ava’s heads popped up.