‘I can’t believe we had three hundred runners,’ exclaimed Elaine for about the fifth time from the table where she, Wendy, and Marsha were compiling the times and results for all the runners.
‘Neither can I,’ I said, still blown away by the incredible turnout. ‘Are you going to be okay with all that inputting?’
‘Piece of cake,’ said Wendy, slightly outraged that I had dared to doubt them. ‘We wanted something to get our teeth into.’ The three of them cackled away like Shakespearian witches and carried on typing into the laptop.
‘Don’t you fret, Claire.’ Marsha beamed at me, some of her wiry grey hair standing on end where she’d pushed her hands through it as she concentrated on checking that all the times and tokens were in the right order. I didn’t envy her; this was the point at which the technical wizardry happened. ‘We’ll get these results out by half past eleven.’
As if by magic, each runner would receive their time and various personal stats about the run including their overall position in the run, position by age category, their age-graded percentage and their personal best time all in one personalised email. It seemed that overnight I’d become a proper runner because I couldn’t wait to see how I’d done.
When the door pushed open, with the ting of a bell, some sixth sense made me glance up. Ash stood in the doorway, his eyes immediately seeking me out.
My breath hitched at the sight of him, broad shouldered in an expensively tailored suit that definitely hadn’t been anywhere near a Marks & Spencer. The striking eyes held mine and part of me wanted to throw myself into his arms and another part wanted to protect myself. Over before it had started. I didn’t blame Ash for not being here for the run; I understood it, but I knew that this was just the start. There’d be lots of occasions where he wouldn’t be here for me or the girls or Hilda.
I stood up and weaved my way through the tables to greet him, taking his arm and leading him back out into the sunshine, my heart heavy with what I was about to do.
‘Hey, how did it go?’ he asked softly.
‘It went brilliantly. Over three hundred runners.’
‘Wow. God. Sorry. I should have been here. I left straight after breakfast.’
I led him over to one of the benches, just sliding out of reach when he went to put his hand in the small of my back.
‘Ash, don’t beat yourself up. It’s just one of those things. Like you said, we’re building a legacy here. And today was amazing. I really feel we’ve started something and I’m proud of what you, me, and Hilda started. We were all in bad places and now look at us.’
He leaned forward to take one of my hands but I moved it out of reach.
‘Claire?’
‘Ash. I don’t expect anything from you. When we met, things were different. Things have changed for me but they don’t have to for you.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘This last couple of days, I realised that things have to change now and I think we’ve reached the end of the road.’
‘What are you talking about?’ I sensed his genuine confusion.
‘You’ve got this great new job. You need to focus on that.’
‘I’m working extra hours at the moment while I get my feet under the table but it’s temporary.’
‘Is it?’ I searched his face and saw that momentary flicker of doubt.
‘Of course it is. I… need to the put hours in now but… you know I care about you. We’re mature adults. Okay, I’ve cancelled a couple of times recently but… you know what it’s like.’
‘I do. I completely get it and I’m really not blaming you or being a spoiled brat.’ I gave him a sad smile. ‘When we first met, we had everything at our feet. The attraction was instant.’ Our eyes met and my heart gave a little jolt at the memory of the first time I’d seen those amazing golden-green eyes. ‘On that first date’—I couldn’t bring myself to say that the air had fizzed with sexual chemistry—‘we were on the same page. We both knew our careers came first; they defined us. Both of us. I thought I’d die of the shame when I was signed off. Then I saw what happened when you lost your job. You need to make this job work and it won’t be long before you move on. I’m just trying to save some time.’ And some heartbreak along the way.
‘Save some time?’
‘We’re going in two different directions. You’ve got a new career and you’re going to want to put your all into that.’
‘But what about you? The partnership?’
My laugh was hollow. ‘It’s funny… now that I’ve been offered it, I realise I don’t want it. I’ve come to see that there are more important things in life. My job has changed over the years and what I do now, it doesn’t give me any particular satisfaction. I realise that as I’ve climbed the ladder, I’ve got further away from the small-business work that once interested me. But the good thing is, it doesn’t matter so much.’
‘Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way.’
I laughed without mirth. ‘Neither did I, until they offered me the promotion. I thought I wanted that more than anything else in the world. But it turns out I don’t. I want to spend more time at home and not have to commute every day. I want to enjoy my time with Hilda, with the girls. I want to make the parkrun even more of a success, go out for a gin with Penny and Janie every now and then… I want to cook dinner every night. I don’t think that domestic set-up is for you.’
‘And you’re not going to give me a chance to prove otherwise.’ He sounded bitter.
‘Ash? Seriously? You’ll put work first. You already did with the parkrun and I don’t blame you, I really don’t, but that’s going to happen more and more. Work will come first because that’s how you’re built and I’m not going to slow you down.’
‘Big of you.’
‘Don’t be like that, Ash. You’ll thank me later.’
‘Must be good having all the answers. Being right all the time.’
‘I only wish I did,’ I said, hit by a wave of dejection. I liked Ash more than I’d liked any man in a long time but he was about to return to his former glory; he had the chance to go back to being Ashwin Laghari, sexy, arrogant go getter. It wouldn’t be long before he was back up to speed and we’d be a distant memory in his wake. It was better to do this now before the inevitable happened. ‘I think we should concentrate on being friends rather than anything else at the moment. You need to focus on the new job. We need some space.’
To my surprise, Ash gave me a pitying look and pushed himself to his feet. ‘What you’re really saying is that you’re not prepared to give us a chance.’
No, it’s not what
I want you, but I’m being practical because one day you’ll walk away because you don’t have to stay. They’re not your children.
‘That’s not what I want but it will make it easier.’
He paced a couple of steps and then turned. ‘What about Bill?’
‘What about Bill?’
‘You’ll break Poppy’s heart.’