CHAPTER ONE
It’s lunchtime on the last Friday in August, and we’re relaxing on the grass by the duck pond – Ellie, Jaz, Katja, Primrose and I – eating ice-cream freshly made by Ellie.
‘This is gorgeous, Ellie,’ says Jaz, who’s sitting on the bench with Primrose, while the rest of us lounge on a rug. Jaz nibbles her cone and rests her hand on her enormous bump as she tries to get comfy on the hard seat. ‘Strawberries and cream is my all-time favourite combination.’
‘We know,’ I say cheerfully. ‘That’s why Ellie decided – ouch!’
Katja’s sharp dig in the ribs brings me to my senses. She frowns at me as if to say: Blabber mouth Madison strikes again!
I look guiltily at Ellie, who purses her lips good-naturedly at me and flicks her eyes to the sky, then I glance at Jaz to see if she noticed my faux pas. But she’s miles away, delving in her bag with her free hand and examining her ‘birthing schedule’ for the nine-hundred and fifty-seventh time.
The whole point of today is that it’s meant to be a surprise for Jaz.
Why the hell can’t I learn to think before I blurt things out?
I’ve always had a tendency to speak my mind without thinking, a trait that’s got me into trouble on more occasions than I care to remember. Maybe it comes from having to compete for attention - from the age of three - with a pair of funny, bewitching, golden-haired twin sisters, who’d give Elsa in Frozen a run for her money in spell-binding magnificence. I love Chloe and Jasmine to bits, but I sometimes wish they were just a tiny bit less good-natured, beautiful and successful in their modelling careers!
I did try to change when I met Jack…to be less outspoken and objectionable. But perhaps I should have tried harder, when I had the chance.
Thoughts of Jack instantly hurl me down into the pit of despair and yearning I’ve practically lived in since we split up. (That pit could seriously qualify as my second home for tax purposes.)
But it’s really no joke. I hate myself for squandering the best chance for love I’ll probably ever have - being so blasé about our relationship and acting as if I didn’t care, when really, I cared so much, it terrified me.
Will that kick in the gut when I think about losing him ever go away?
If I was a better person, maybe we’d still be together. But it’s no use doing the ‘coulda, woulda shoulda’ thing. I need to move on, and accept that I just wasn’t good enough for a man like Jack…
‘One week to go!’ smiles Primrose, watching Jaz run down her list. ‘I can’t wait to be an honorary auntie.’
‘Me, neither. This child is going to be so spoilt,’ agrees Katja.
Jaz looks up. ‘Er, no, it’s not.’ She’s grinning but I can see the determination in her expression. ‘This child is going to grow up thinking about others and not imagining they’re the centre of the universe like so many kids these days.’
Ellie smiles and murmurs, ‘Good luck with that.’
‘But I’m serious.’ Jaz leans forwards urgently. ‘Children need boundaries. Not having boundaries sows the seeds of entitlement and it’s a slippery slope after that. If they don’t learn about rules and consequences, what hope is there of them turning into compassionate and well-balanced adults?’
We all nod, wanting to be supportive. She eats parenting text books for breakfast these days.
Jaz is having a water birth at home, which she says will relax her so that she can avoid all forms of pain relief. The birthing pool is already installed and Jaz has become very enthusiastic lately about something called ‘delayed cord clamping’, which she says is excellent for baby. Her list of things to avoid is so long, it stretches to several pages.
Molly happened to reveal that she’d munched on her favourite chocolate biscuits to give her energy when she was in labour with Eva. That seemed very logical to me, but from the look on Jaz’s face, you’d honestly Molly had recommended enjoying a side order of lard with her lunch.
‘I think you’re mad, not wanting pain relief.’ I fan myself with some kitchen roll. ‘I’d be in hospital at the first twinge and demand all the drugs available.’
‘Yes, well, that’s you, isn’t it?’ she snaps.
I grin slyly. ‘I liked the idea of an orgasmic birth far better.’
‘A what?’ shrieks Primrose, and everyone chuckles.
‘I’ll let Jaz tell you about it. I caught her reading up on it the other day.’
Everyone looks expectantly at Jaz, who just yawns and says, ‘It’s just something that happens spontaneously to a small proportion of women as they’re popping the baby out. It’s called an ecstatic birth.’
This raises a few amused eyebrows and comments.
I finish my ice-cream and lie on my side on the grass, head propped in my hand, watching the progress of a mallard duck gliding from one end of the pond to the other. It joins its mate in a flurry of feathers that ripples the surface, splashing a sun-sparkled arc of water over the pair. ‘I want to be that duck,’ I groan. ‘Then I’d remember what it was like to feel cool.’
‘Just what I was thinking, Maddy.’ Ellie blows at her blonde fringe and wafts her T-shirt, which is pink and has My Blood Type is Coffee in small red print on the front. ‘I love summer as much as the next person, but this heatwave is melting me into a permanent puddle.’
Primrose, whose pixie hair is a deep, vibrant pink these days, matching her dress, grins. ‘It’s so hot, those ducks are going to be laying omelettes instead of eggs.’
‘What about me, you lot?’ Jaz sighs wearily. ‘Try being almost nine months pregnant. I’m sleeping so badly, I’ve had to start filling the baby bath with cold water and ice cubes so I can dunk my swollen feet in the night when they get too hot to bear.’
‘Very resourceful.’ Katja nods admiringly. ‘Have you tried a portable fan?’
‘Far too feeble. But I’m thinking of buying shares in Magicool. Plus, I’ve got a secret weapon. An ice pack stuffed down the back of my maternity knickers.’
Everyone hoots with laughter.
‘You’re joking,’ says Ellie.
‘No.’ Jaz levers one cheek off the bench with some difficulty and pats her rear end. ‘It’s actually pretty effective.’
‘I thought you were walking strangely.’ I give her a knowing wink. ‘I just assumed Harry was finding pregnancy a turn-on.’
‘Madison!’ Jaz pretends to look shocked. ‘Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Harry’s treating me like a precious china ornament at the moment. I’m completely out of bounds in his eyes. Mind you, it’s probably just as well. I’ve got zero energy and I’d probably pass out with the heat, mid-shag, if he decided to get amorous.’
‘You don’t have to be nine months pregnant to feel like that,’ says Ellie, looking glum. ‘What with the stress of building work stalling on the baking school and keeping Maisie amused during the school holidays, I’m just completely flaking out by nine o’clock.’
We all look over at the half-built, roofless structure that stands near the café. Ellie was so excited at the prospect of her brand-new baking school opening early next year, but the money has just run out and she’s been unable to keep the builders on for now.