‘Mark,’ she says softly. ‘Mark Kingston. He was an actor and a musician – still is, I think. I met him the Christmas I turned nineteen. I’d gone to the local panto with my friend, Helen, and her little boy, to see a performance of Cinderella, and Mark was playing Buttons. I thought he was cute but I didn’t think anything of it. But then the next week, I saw him in my local pub. Helen dared me to go up and speak to him, so I did. I told him I’d seen him as Buttons, and I thought he was brilliant, and I guess he was flattered. So we started seeing each other.’ She smiles sadly. ‘Mark likes an audience – at least, he did then. He was the life and soul of every party, making people laugh, and I suppose I was dazzled. He was always doing mad, impulsive things to attract attention and I thought he was the most exciting man I’d ever met.’ She looks down at her lap and murmurs, ‘Naively, I thought he felt the same.’
‘But he didn’t?’
‘Well…when I got pregnant with you after going out with him for a month, Mark’s passion cooled instantly. One day, he was all over me. The next, he was telling me that while he really liked me, he couldn’t see his future with me. He said he’d be happy to help support the child but he made it clear he didn’t want to stick around.’ She smiles sadly. ‘He’d just got a job as a cruise ship entertainer. I guess that was more important to him. So he left, without even telling me he was going.’
‘So he didn’t help to support me, after all? He didn’t want to see me?’
Mum shakes her head and looks up at the ceiling, tears glistening in her eyes, and I can see how hard this is for her. But I feel strangely emotionless. If it’s hard for her, how does she think it feels being me?
She gets up, grabs a tissue and blows her nose. ‘He phoned me the day after he left, and told me he’d be away for six months, and I was so upset, I made the decision not to see him again. I vowed to bring you up all on my own, without any help from anyone. I knew by then…well, I’d heard that Mark wasn’t to be trusted, and it made me suspicious of all men after that.’ She smiles. ‘But somehow, the boy at work, who I’d been friends with for a while, turned out to be one of the good guys. He let me waffle on and cry on his shoulder, and eventually, I started having feelings for him.’
‘And that was Dad,’ I said dully. I’d known they’d met at work, but I had no idea they’d bonded over Mum’s heartbreak.
She smiles. ‘That was Dad. And a better man you could never hope to meet.’
I swallow, unable to stop thinking about this charismatic, talented man who’d gone off to work on a cruise ship. He sounded glamorous and fun. The total opposite of Dad, who was reserved and didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘spontaneous’.
‘What did he look like? My real dad?’
Mum gives a bitter smile. ‘Tall. Dark hair. Handsome. And he knew it, of course. He was a bit of a local heart-throb. He’d turn up to the pub with his guitar and pretty soon, he’d have the whole pub singing along.’
‘He sounds fun. I’d…like to meet him.’
Her face falls and she nods. ‘Of course you would. I think he lives locally now. I did glimpse him on a TV advert a few years ago but as I said, we didn’t keep in touch.’
‘Would I have seen him on the telly advert?’
She shakes her head. ‘No, love. It was just a small thing. An advert for a local camping site. But I’ve got a photograph of him in a drawer somewhere. I saw him in the local paper last year, doing some charity fund-raiser thing, and…I don’t know why…I cut out the article.’ She smiles sadly. ‘Maybe I thought that one day, you’d be asking me for a photograph.’
She goes off to find it, and I sit there, as the clock ticks into the silence, thinking about my real dad and wondering if he’s thought about me through the years. Is he married? Has he had any more children? If he has, then I’d have more siblings…
At last, Mum comes back and places the cutting into my hands.
My heart beating fast, I scan the headline: ‘Local entertainer raises thousands for charity’. Then my eyes drop to the picture. It’s a photo of him wearing a Superman outfit and holding a snorkel. I glance at the caption. ‘Dog snorkelling in Sussex’. What on earth is dog snorkelling?
And then I zero in on his face, and my heart lurches.
‘What’s wrong, love?’ Mum asks, sitting down beside me.
I gulp, hardly able to believe my eyes. ‘I…I know this man. He was driving the stretch limo on Jaz’s baby shower day.’
Marcus…he calls himself Marcus now…
I peer closer. Same curly dark hair, same smile.
This man is my dad?
CHAPTER SIX
I stare from the photo to Mum, who’s looking as stunned as I’m feeling.
‘So you’ve met him,’ she breathes, looking pale as a ghost.
I nod. ‘I think he’s still an actor and musician. But he must be working for the limo company as well.’
An idea is taking shape in my mind. I could phone the limo firm and ask to speak to Marcus Kingston. Or…I could go in person to his work and try to speak to him there. If I’m trying to explain who I am – his long-lost daughter – it might be best if we can meet face to face, because then he’d see the family likeness and know I’m telling the truth.
And there is a likeness.
Obviously I didn’t see it when we met – he was just a stranger then – but now that I know we’re father and daughter, I can see the similarities, even though the photo quality isn’t great.
I desperately want to study the picture again…to zoom in on his eyes…but I feel strangely awkward with Mum there. However much I might resent her for keeping me in the dark all these years, I still don’t want to upset her and Dad.
It wasn’t their fault that Marcus never came looking for me. Surely he could have tracked Mum and me down later on, if he’d wanted to? But maybe he was never really interested in meeting me. And if that’s the case, he might actually resent me turning up at his work and introducing myself…
‘Did he…did Marcus ever contact you, wanting to see me?’ I ask.
She stares at me uncertainly, and I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t want to disappoint me. Giving her head a little shake, she whispers, ‘No, love. He never did. The thing with Marcus…well, he mostly just cares about himself. At least, he used to.’ She shrugs. ‘Maybe he’s changed. But in those days, he was putting all his energy into making it on the stage. Being famous was his goal.’ She presses her lips together, a memory hardening her face as she looks up at me. ‘He wanted to be famous more than anything else. I found that out to my cost. When he scarpered just as soon as he knew I was pregnant.’
A weight settles in my gut. I don’t want to believe this of Marcus Kingston; that he could be selfish enough to desert Mum – and me – without once looking back. Of course, I’m only hearing Mum’s view of what happened, and she’s bound to be very bitter towards Marcus after everything that went on between them. Her memory of events – and him - might be skewed by heart-break, which would be perfectly understandable.