‘Yes, someone had to hold the fort while we skipped away for an hour or two,’ says Primrose cheerfully.
I nod, my heart sinking. I appreciate their efforts at trying to pretend, but I can see right through their cheerful façade. Katja and Jaz are still mad at me.
‘It was the least we could do, cheering you on, considering how much you’ll be raising towards Fen’s new van,’ says Ellie. ‘I can’t wait for Friday’s bistro night. It’s going to be so great.’ She frowns. ‘Where is Marcus, anyway? I haven’t seen him yet.’
I stare at her wordlessly, as horror grips me.
Friday night!
Why didn’t I realise? They’re expecting Marcus to do his Frank Sinatra tribute act, but he won’t even be in the country, never mind appearing for one night only at the Little Duck Pond Café! Oh, God, what the hell are we going to do? If we don’t have the entertainment people were promised, we’ll have to cancel and give everyone their money back.
My stomach rolls over queasily. The failure of the night will be my fault. Yet another reason for Jaz and Katja to hate me…
‘Are you okay?’ Primrose frowns.
‘What?’ I stare at her blankly, as my mind turns somersaults trying to think of a solution. ‘Oh, yes. Yes, I just felt a bit sick for a moment. Probably from swallowing a gallon of that foul bog water.’
‘So Marcus is…?’ Ellie looks bemused.
‘Coming later,’ I say quickly. ‘He got held up.’
‘But he’s still okay for Friday night?’
‘Oh, yes. Don’t worry.’ I bite my lip. ‘I can guarantee the entertainment on Friday night will be first class.’
‘Here’s another hero of the hour,’ laughs Ellie, as Dad approaches, his jellyfish costume under his arm. ‘Bravo, Barry! We thought you were magnificent.’
‘He was, wasn’t he?’ I look at Dad, my heart swelling with pride.
He smiles ruefully, his perfect white shirt sodden and streaked with mud. ‘I quite enjoyed it, actually. I might even take it up seriously when I retire.’
‘What, bog snorkelling?’ I giggle, picking a big piece of fern off his collar.
‘No, swimming.’
‘Are you coming to the big bash at the café on Friday night?’ Ellie asks him.
‘Yes, I believe we are.’ He turns to me. ‘Your mum booked tickets for us all.’
‘She did?’ I stare at him in dismay. Obviously an attempt at an olive branch. But the event’s not even going to happen now!
‘Is that okay?’ asks Dad.
I force a smile. ‘Yes. Yes, of course it’s okay. It’ll be…um…a fantastic night. Wouldn’t want you to miss it!’
Aaaargh!
Marcus Kingston, I will seriously murder you with my bare hands!
Ellie smiles. ‘Well, we’d better be getting back.’
‘Nice to see you, Barry,’ says Primrose.
‘You, too. Thanks for coming, girls.’
We wave them off, and Dad turns to me. His face is suddenly sombre, and my heart sinks, thinking he’s cross with me for some reason - probably for feeling he had to bog snorkel and make an idiot of himself in my place.
Then I realise his eyes are wet with tears and he’s blinking them away.
‘Dad? What’s wrong, Dad?’
He shakes his head but says nothing, just reaches up to shield his eyes, and panic grips me. What is so hard that he can’t say it?
This is a man who very rarely shows his emotions, but he’s crumbling before my eyes, his knees buckling as he sinks down onto the grass.
‘Dad? For God’s sake, tell me what’s wrong.’ I sit down beside him, my heart drumming in my ears. Is he ill? Is that what he’s trying to tell me?
He turns and looks into my eyes. ‘Maddy. I’m so proud of you. But I’ve let you down. And I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Sorry about what?’ I stare at him, bemused.
He looks broken, and suddenly much older, and my heart aches to see him like that.
‘I should have told you about Marcus. We should never have kept it from you, who your biological father was. But your mum…she knew him too well and she was frightened that if she let him into your lives, he would end up letting you down. He’d done it before, you see.’
I stare at him. ‘What do you mean?’
He gives a heavy sigh. ‘When your mum found she was pregnant, she was delighted at first. But then a rumour reached her that Marcus had fathered a child to another girl a few years earlier. He was twenty-two and the girl, Maxine, was just seventeen. He stuck around for the first six months or so, but when the going got tough, he took off and left Maxine to bring up their daughter herself.’
‘The poor girl. Didn’t he pay maintenance or anything to support his child?’
Dad shakes his head.
‘Did he admit all this to Mum, then?’
‘No. As soon as your mum told him she was having you, he ended the relationship and that was that. But she found out what he’d done from the girl herself. She met Maxine by chance in the doctor’s waiting room. The poor girl was clearly still getting over the shock of Marcus deserting her and her baby.’
‘That’s awful,’ I murmur, wondering how Marcus could possibly live with it on his conscience. He must have justified it to himself somehow - maybe telling himself that his performing talents would be wasted if his wings were clipped by fatherhood…
‘So you see, that’s why your mum wanted to have nothing to do with him. And when Marcus actually came to the door that time, wanting to see you, I told him what I knew your mum would want me to say – that he wasn’t welcome.’
‘Did he argue with you? Did he demand to see me?’
Dad sighs. ‘No. He accepted it fairly matter-of-factly, actually. I’ve sometimes wondered if perhaps he had an attack of conscience – or maybe something had happened in his life that made him suddenly curious about the daughter he’d never met.’ He shrugs. ‘Anyway, he went on his way without any trouble, but I felt so bad lying to you by omission. We both did, your mum and I. You were just eight then. We should have told you…we should have given you the chance to know your real dad.’ He pauses. ‘We should have given Marcus the chance to meet you. He must have been devastated when I turned him away.’
I smile sadly. ‘You know what, Dad? I don’t think he was. He never even mentioned that he’d come looking for me. I think he probably just forgot that he had. Meeting me was never that important to him.’
‘Well, in that case, he’s stupider than I thought.’
‘Maybe it’s for the best.’
Dad sighs. ‘I just wish I hadn’t lied to myself.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I told myself that the reason I sent Marcus away was because it was for your own good and I knew that’s what your mum would have wanted me to do. But I was kidding myself.’
‘How, Dad?’
He laughs softly. It’s a bitter sound. ‘The truth is, I didn’t want Marcus anywhere near you because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you to him. I’d known all along that this day might come – when you’d find out and go looking for him, or he would turn up on our doorstep – and I lived so long in fear of it. But ever since that day I turned him away, I’ve had to live with the shame of it. The shame of keeping your real dad from you.’