I let out a long breath. She’s not wrong. Though she’s so under my skin right now, I very much wish I could argue with her, but I’d prefer just to get the hell out of here.
“I’m sorry for that. I was—” I could tell her my entire story with the hopes she’d understand, but there’s no excuse for my actions and more importantly, there’s no reason to trust her with my truth. I had a responsibility to fans. It’s all on me. “I’m just sorry. I hope he found a better guy to idolize.”
She crosses her arms and nods. “The funny thing is if I told him that I met you today, he’d kill me for not getting your autograph. How sick is that? He still thinks of you as the best soccer player.”
“Good luck to him.” I pick up my box and head to the minivan the guy just pulled around to the front of the building. I wish I had more to say, but I’m a fuckup. What does she expect?
I climb into the minivan and look in the back. How fast life can change. I drive a block before pulling into a vacant parking lot and spend half an hour trying to install the car seat. Another failure in my life. I’m starting to get used to them.
I park the minivan in the fire station lot. Thankfully, I don’t see Kingston’s truck. I walk into the office and follow the signs. A female firefighter comes by and says someone will be right out to help me.
Pulling out my phone, I pull up Buzz Wheel and see a post about me watching Rome’s kids yesterday afternoon. He played me yesterday, but I enjoyed watching Palmer play with her cousins. They’re all so good with signs, and Calista asked me question after question about signs she wanted to teach Palmer. About what life will be like for Palmer. I’m not sure why she thought I was the person to ask—other than I can sign faster than any of them, including Sedona. It’s crazy how fast it came back to me.
I continue reading the article. Buzz Wheel says I’m doing good and how it’s proud of me for stepping up. I must know the person who writes this thing, otherwise how would they have all this information?
“Hey.” A guy’s voice sounds from behind me, and I pocket my cell phone. I turn to greet the firefighter, but he stops in his tracks. “No fucking way. You’re Jamison Ferguson.”
I nod at the same time as a black pickup pulls into the lot. Shit.
The firefighter laughs and looks from the truck back to me. “You sure you don’t want to escape now?”
What the hell ? I thought handling this in Anchorage would be easier, with fewer people who know me.
“I should warn you, I’m Lou, Kingston’s buddy. I know all about you.” He can’t stop smiling and laughing. “I should kick your ass for Sedona, but honestly, Kingston would kill me. He’ll want to do it himself.”
I blow out a breath, hands on my hips.
Kingston presses on the gas, pulling into a spot, and slams on the brakes. He’s out of the truck in seconds flat. “What are you doing here?”
“Car seat check,” I say, gesturing to the minivan nearby.
He looks over to his friend. “I’ll do it, Lou.”
Lou taps his imaginary watch. “Technically, you aren’t on shift yet.”
“It’s for my niece. I’ll do the car seat.” Kingston opens the back door of the minivan.
“Should I referee?” Lou asks, holding up his hands.
“Get lost,” Kingston says, the edge to his voice growing.
Lou does the cross over his chest and puts his hands in prayer pose. “That was for your safety, buddy.” He laughs and walks back inside.
Kingston tests the half-ass job I did on the car seat. “Surprisingly, it looks good. You do this?”
I’m not blind. He’s adjusting it as he goes to make sure it’s done correctly. I’m not sure why he’s being nice to me.
He finishes up, climbs out, and shuts the door. “Nice van.”
“Thanks.”
“Decided the Camaro wasn’t the right fit?” Of course he knows I rented a Camaro first. “You went from one extreme to the other.”
“Well…” I shrug.
He pushes off the van and pulls his phone out before pocketing it again. “I have fifteen minutes before my shift. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Are you gonna take me out back and beat the shit out of me?” I raise my eyebrows. I’d probably let him kick my ass because I deserve it.
“I want to, I really do, but you’re making all the right moves. Just answer one question for me.”
“What?”
“Why’d you wait so long to come back?”
My shoulders fall. “I was petrified. My sponsor suggested not coming here until I had a handle on my disease. I didn’t want to make one step ahead for two steps back. You know?”
“But you didn’t even acknowledge her. A letter, flowers, a gift. Hell, money.”
His words freeze me in place while I try to wrap my mind around what he’s saying. What exactly has Sedona been telling people? “I gotta go.”
“Are you serious?” he says, but I’m already climbing into the driver’s seat.
I turn the ignition, then open the window. “Listen, King, I’ve always thought of you as a brother and a friend. I get what I did pissed you off, and I hope like hell you can forgive me one day. But there are two people I have to make this right with, and right now, I need to talk to Sedona. I hope you understand.” I roll up my window and pull out of the parking lot.
My anger only intensifies on the drive to Lake Starlight. Walking up to her apartment door, I try to talk myself down, but I can’t stand back and allow her to let people think even less of me than they already do. The truth is bad enough.
I knock on her door, and she opens it dressed in yoga pants and a big sweatshirt.
“Where’s Palmer?” I barge in.
“She’s with Phoenix and Maverick. They went to get ice cream.” She shuts the door. “What is your problem? We need to put some rules in place. You can’t just show up here.”
I hold up my hand to stop her from talking. “I’m done with being Mr. Nice Guy. I’m sick of the ‘forgive me for this and forgive me for that’ and talking to every one of your family members like their forgiveness means the world to me.”
She says nothing but stands in place.
“All I care about is you and Palmer. Everyone else is second. But for the love of God, tell me why you wanted to paint me as more of a monster than I actually was? What did you get out of it?”
She scowls. “What are you talking about?”
“I sent you money every damn month. I know it wasn’t the same as me being here, but I tried to help in the only way I could at the time. And you let your family believe that wasn’t the case. Kingston was just asking me why I never paid a dime for my child? Damn it, Sedona.” My fist comes an inch from hitting the wall, but I retract it, controlling my anger. I fall into a chair and my head falls into my hands.
I’m done. I have no more fight left inside me.
Seventeen
Sedona
The last time Jamison was this broken was when the doctor told him he’d probably never play again. I don’t know what to do. I take one step forward but stop. I tried to hug him when his career ended, and he pushed me away. Looking back on it now, that was the beginning of the end for us.