She uses her other hand to wipe her tears. “I do. I know it’s a disease, and you didn’t really choose it per se, but I hate it. It’s what took you away from me.”
“Believe me, I hate it too, but it’s my reality. And suppressing my feelings and not trying to work out problems is what got me there in the first place. Now when something comes up, I need to deal with it right away.”
Her fingers grip my hand. “I am really proud of you. I don’t think I’ve told you that.”
The cracks in my heart that formed when I ruined my life with Sedona fill and heal with her words. “Thank you. But I don’t want you to change your life for me.”
She sits up straighter. “Don’t you see, Jamie? I would stop eating cookies ‘n cream ice cream for you. I’d do just about anything to make sure you’re happy. And if it means I don’t drink wine, I don’t really care.”
“Just know it’s an option. I won’t bounce out of the wagon because you had one glass of wine.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“Have you thought about going to Al Anon? It might help you.”
“I tried when I first had Palmer, but I never followed up with it. Maybe I’ll try again.” She smiles. “So how about we try to have a normal date without carrying the weight of all the baggage?”
I clear my throat, hand her back the menu, and look mine over. “I was going to have the special. Figure the catch of the day has to be fresh.”
“I think I’m going to stick with the tilapia. Would you like to share some sides? I promise I don’t have cooties.” She grins. God, I love seeing that on her face again.
“I’d love nothing more than to get your cooties. You pick.”
We finally settle into our dinner, pushing away all our issues so that we can just be Jamison and Sedona again.
Twenty-Three
Sedona
My cheeks hurt from laughing through dinner. I forgot how much Jamison made me laugh with his stories.
“And I had to climb the stairs to get on the subway system. I thought they ran underground.” He’s telling a story about the Chicago transit system.
“There weren’t signs?” I quirk an eyebrow.
He guffaws. “Not that I saw.” But the tint in his cheeks says he’s embarrassed, thinking back on the story.
The waiter interrupts our laughter with a platter with a silver dome cover on it. We glance at one another because we know this isn’t the cobbler we ordered to share.
“Grandma Dori?” I say.
“Or her sidekick.” He slides it my way. “Want to do the honors?”
I put my hand on the handle. “Not really, but…” I lift the silver dome and inside is a keycard. Picking up the keycard, I find a small note. “And we have a note.”
Jamison takes the keycard, reading the name of the bed-and-breakfast that’s attached to the restaurant. “This is such a Bachelor moment.”
I laugh because he hated when I forced him to watch it with me. “I think she’s thrown subtlety out the window.”
I straighten the note to read it. Sure enough, Grandma had someone write the note for her.
You’ve won one night’s stay at the SunBay Inn! A beautiful suite with a view of the famous Sunrise Bay is awaiting the two of you to enjoy. Please see the innkeeper next door, and don’t worry, all toiletries are included. Wink wink.
Good for tonight only.
Cannot be redeemed for cash value.
I hand the note to Jamison and he reads it. “Does the ‘wink wink’ mean what I think it means?”
“Oh, if I told you what happened to me earlier at Clip and Dish, you wouldn’t look so surprised.” Just the thought of Grandma Dori talking about waxing—and oh, I can’t. Although I understand her persistence now.
“Aren’t you still unable to do anything?”
I tilt my head, my smile betraying me. “Is someone keeping track?”
His smoldering eyes lock with mine and he leans forward, lowering his voice. “Once I get the green light from you, I’m not about to stop myself. But I knew we had to wait, so I’ve mentally prepared myself.”
“Lucky for you, the doctor gave me the okay.”
“But aren’t you still in pain?” He eyes my stomach as if it’s a gaping wound.
“Not really. I mean, more the inside, like when I laugh or cough, but I could probably manage. You know, if I really had to.”
A smirk crosses his lips. “And do you have to?”
I pick up the note and tap my lips with it. “I’m not sure. I think I’d like to give it a try.”
Jamison raises his hand. “Check, please!”
I laugh.
After Jamison pays, we walk out of the restaurant to the inn, where we locate our room listed on the keycard.
“You know there’s going to be rose petals and God knows what else in there?” I say as he inserts the card, waiting for the green light.
“All I care about is having you in the room with me. Alone.”
Then we’re in the room. A silent room. A room with just us and no distraction of Palmer. And it all becomes very real. I’m going to have sex with Jamison Ferguson for what feels like the first time when it’s really probably the hundred thousandth time. I feel as if we’re two different people.
He deadbolts the door, and I’m thankful we have our own bathroom.
There are no rose petals strewn on the bed, but there is a basket with some snacks, waters, and condoms. I pick up the package. “I guess they took care of everything.”
He shrugs out of his suit jacket and tosses it on the armchair. Then he’s coming toward me and my throat closes up.
“I come to you in peace.” He holds up both hands because I’m sure I look as nervous as I feel. I nod, and his hands take the box of the condoms from my hand. “Dori alone was bad enough, but with Ethel, they could rule the world.” He places the condoms on the table. “No pressure, Sedona. I know I’ve been making cracks, but if yer not ready, then it’s fine.”
His hands settle on my hips, and all I really want to do is walk into his arms and have him hold me.
“Can we start with a hug?” He opens his arms.
I don’t wait a second before stepping into him. His big arms wrap around me like they always did, and I lay my head on his chest. His heartbeat pounds in my ear and I slide my arms around his taut waist.
“I love you,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head. “Our time apart has been horrible. You might not believe me, but—”
I draw back and place my finger on his lips. “No more talking about the past.”
He nods, and I go back into the position of him holding me. Nothing makes me feel as safe and secure as Jamison’s arms. As though no one could harm me. We sway as if we’re dancing. He hums a song I haven’t heard before, but it’s slow and I like it.
“What song is that?” I ask, not breaking our rhythm.
He takes one hand off my back and pulls out his phone, thumbing through something before setting it on the table. Music plays. “It’s ‘I’m Yours’ by The Script. It just makes me think of you. Of us.”