I cross my arms. “That’s not what we discussed.”
He shoots me his flirtatious smile. The one that works wonders on people.
“Don’t,” I warn with my finger in his face.
He holds up his hands. “It’s just a thought. I’ll rent-to-buy it myself, but…” He pulls me into his arms and kisses my neck. “Your rules include sleepovers, right?”
“Sure, Palmer can spend the night here.” I move to get out of his hold, but his arms tighten.
“I’m not laughing.” And he’s not.
I know what he wants. He’s a “jump in the deep end before you know the temperature of the water” kind of guy. I’m a “put my feet in to test the waters first” kind of girl. Case in point—we’re on day one of officially being a couple and we’re looking at houses. “Just get it for yourself and we’ll talk, okay?”
He presses his lips to mine, and I don’t think much of it until we’re being smacked on the legs by two little hands. We look down at Palmer, who is staring at us with furrowed brows. She’s never seen us together like this, and she’s way too young to understand. She wiggles between us and raises her arms for Jamison to pick her up. Seems someone is jealous. I suppress a grin. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose.
Palmer loves to visit the lake our town is named after. She loves the water and feeding the ducks. Jamison has hung on to this fact to try to get us to move in with him. Somehow Britani sweet-talked the other side into agreeing to a rental that might turn into a buy. In one month, he moves in and he’s determined that I move in at the same time.
“Just think, she can feed the ducks every day at the house.” He waggles his eyebrows.
Barely an hour can go by without him talking about it.
“Hey, I meant to ask you. Did you ever tell your mom about Palmer?”
His cheery smile disappears, and he picks at the grass. Jamison’s parents can be hard on him. His dad used to call him after games and tell him what he needed to improve. When his career ended, I think Jamison’s dad wept as much as he did. So I get his reluctance to tell them that there’s a child they don’t know about. I’m scared that Mum Ferguson will be pissed off at me too.
He picks another blade of grass and wraps it around his finger. “After the car accident, they cut me off for a while.”
I don’t say anything, keeping my eyes on Palmer.
“They were disappointed that I ever came home after my second injury. I’d find my dad in the shed, watching tapes of old games. He couldn’t let go of the fact I’d never play professional soccer again. Always bringing up some new treatment that he read about, grasping at anything he thought might hold some promise.”
It’s weird to hear about what he was doing when we were apart. It’s the one section of his life since we met in high school that I don’t really know about. All I knew about was the accident when I heard it in the press.
“I kept telling him that it was over, but he wouldn’t listen. Mum was on me about drinking with my buddies. Dad told her to leave me alone, I was blowing off steam. They’d argue so loud, it’d wake me in the wee hours of the morning with a banging hangover. But I still saw my dad’s hope and desperation. If I went into town with him and someone asked about my injury, he’d tell them I’d be good as new, I was just there for a visit while I rehab.” Bringing his knees up, he wraps his arms around them. “They want the best for me. I know they do. It’s why they had me do the whole foreign exchange student thing.” He smiles at me.
I run my hand down his back and slide closer, thankful they did.
“But the pressure from the two of them and my drinking was already so out of control… my dad called this professional in Aberdeen. Some buddy of a buddy. Sent all my scans up there. The day of the accident, the doctor paid us a visit and gave me the news I’d already heard in New York. The chances of me making enough of a recovery to play again were slim. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the athleticism, and if I did, it would only be a short time before I injured myself again. The look on my dad’s face was tragic. It was like watching myself get the news the first time all over again. After the doctor left, my dad retreated to the shed, and I went to the pub. Got smashed and well…” He glances at me. “You know the rest.”
I nod and lay my head on his shoulder.
“They kicked me out of the house. That was rock bottom for me. I’d already lost you and our daughter, my career, my parents, and the press had a hold of the story. I returned to the U.S. and got clean. Part of my rehab was to make amends. After some hard conversations, my mum was happy, but my dad is still mourning my career. We’re civil, but nothing more. To tell them that I hid their first grandchild from them… I feel like a disappointment all over again.”
When a duck gets too close, Palmer runs to us. Jamison opens his arms, and she falls into them. He lies on his back and has her fly up above him. I lie down too, looking at her, and Jamison lowers her so she’s half on me and half on him. We put our arms around our daughter and both kiss one of her cheeks.
After we pack up and we’re folding the blanket, I know I have to say something to try to fix this situation. “I’ll gladly tell them you didn’t know about her.”
His eyes widen, but he shakes his head. “I can’t have others fixing problems for me, but I love you for offering.” He presses his lips to mine. I’d love for the kiss to be longer, but our daughter slides between us again. “This is something I have to handle on my own.”
I nod and hope this isn’t the catalyst that could drive him to drink again.
Twenty-Seven
Jamison
I leave the AA meeting in Sunrise Bay and dial-up Merrick on my way to my minivan. After I pick up Sedona, we’re turning in the rental and I’m going to buy my own SUV.
“Hey, man,” he says. “How are things?”
“They’re good. I’m renting a house I hope to buy down the road, and I’m on my way to pick up Sedona to buy myself a car.”
He’s silent for a second. “That’s a lot of change. You ready for all this? You do know that just because you missed part of their lives, you don’t have to make it all up at once.”
Merrick probably thinks the spontaneous side of me, the one that thinks of consequences later, is ruling me right now, but this is something I always wanted. Ever since I left Sedona to play in the Scottish Premier League, I’ve dreamed of having a family with her.
“I know. But I want this. This is where I belong.” I decide not to tell him that I’ve agreed to Kingston’s idea about starting a youth sports complex where we combine our talents and I teach soccer and he teaches baseball. That might take Merrick right over the edge and he’ll fly out to Alaska. “There’s actually something I’ve wanted to talk to you about.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you think I’m good enough to be a sponsor?”
Another beat of silence. Merrick is a “think about his words before he uses them” kind of guy. “You’ve been sober for over a year, and yes, I think you could help someone work through their steps.”