“Mmm?”
“Will you,” she started, her fingers pausing on my shoulder blades. “Will you go to prom with me?”
Those words were a bucket of iced water dumped straight over my head.
Fuck. Was she serious right now?
Of course, she was.
She had to have known I was already going with Marnie. It wasn’t announced, and I hadn’t made a show of it. It was just expected. Everyone expected it, including us.
But as I opened my mouth to laugh and reject her, I felt something twinge inside my chest.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t fucking hurt this chick anymore.
She didn’t seem to care enough anyway. She just kept coming right back. And even though I’d pushed and I’d pushed, somehow, I still wound up letting her.
“My dirty little secret is inviting me to prom?”
She flinched beneath me, and I squeezed my eyes closed.
Fear tied up my words, wrapped tight around my vocal cords. “Red.” I felt her clam up, her hands falling from my back, and I sighed. “I’m going… I’m going to need some time to think about it.” I pushed myself up and rolled my neck, ridding some of the tension with a resounding click. “Kay?”
She removed her wet eyes from my neck and met mine, nodding once. “I need to get cleaned up.”
Fuck, I hated her.
I hated myself.
I hated that we’d stupidly gone and done this all over again.
Most of all, I hated that I wanted, no needed, to see her smile. “Is your mom allergic to cats?”
Her face scrunched at the random question, but I waited. After a moment, I got what I wanted, her lips wriggling into a perfect curve that lifted her flushed cheeks.
I rolled off her as she said, “No, just responsibility,” and climbed out of bed.
I watched her ass, the intoxicating swells and arches of her body, and then she was gone, and the bathroom door latched closed.
I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. “Idiot,” I whispered, harshly while digging my palms into my eyes. “You fucking stupid ass idiot.” Dropping them, I released a frustrated breath and scooched to the edge of the bed to get dressed.
My stomach was sticky as all hell, but I didn’t care. I tugged my shorts back on and grabbed my shirt. I had to get out of here before I did something even more stupid, like telling her yes. Yes, I’ll take you to prom, Red.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. It was that I couldn’t. She was fun and all, and she got me hard like nothing else, but she wasn’t for me.
Marnie was for me, and I was being a real jackass by fucking around on both of them like this.
Better late than never to grow a conscience, my mother used to always say. I used to think she was talking out of her ass.
Until I realized I never had a conscience to begin with.
Red was good for something other than curing a raging hard-on, it seemed. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me.
My thoughts slammed into a wall when I noticed her homework still lying on the corner of the bed about to topple to the floor. Stepping closer, I plucked up the large black leather-bound journal. Not homework.
A diary.
The sound of running water reached my ears, but I was too busy reading the last few entries to think about Red taking a shower. And as I flipped back to the front… holy shit.
My heart stopped dead.
It was obvious the chick liked me, but this? I had no words. Not enough air in my brain to construct concise thoughts.
She didn’t like me.
She wasn’t just obsessed with me.
She was into me in a way that reeked of trouble. Chop-my-body-up-and-throw-away-the-pieces kind of trouble.
Her diary hanging loose in my hand, I looked around her room, wondering what else I’d find.
The door of her closet was cracked open, a soft glow emanating from inside.
My feet carried me over without the command, and I shouldered the door all the way open, coming to a stop inside the walk-in.
I stumbled back two steps, then moved forward, unable to believe what I was seeing.
There I was, eleventh grade, my hair sweat-soaked as I held a trophy in the air.
Tenth grade, a picture that’d been taken of my brother and me that I’d shared on my Instagram. Beneath it, a poor depiction of my tattoo drawn upon art paper. Next to it, an actual picture of the tattoo on my back, and to the right, a picture of me asleep.
The Slytherin insignia was taped to the wall beside a yearbook photo taken last year, and on the other side, a piece of paper with my birthday, height, academic achievements, and names of the people I hung out with.
Marnie’s name had been crossed out three times with a red pen, each line a harsh slash.
My ears rang, sharp and piercing, my head emptying of oxygen.
She’d taken fucking pictures of me while I was sleeping.
Upon the shelf above sat two bottles of the cologne I wore, as well as a bottle of shampoo.
My stomach lurched and my chest filled with so much air, I was suddenly too afraid to even exhale. Lightheaded and swallowing profusely, I backed up and gripped the doorframe.
Looking at the bathroom door, I heard the water shut off, and I didn’t hesitate.
Her diary, love letters, whatever the fuck they were, still in hand, I bailed as if my ass was on fire. I raced down the stairs and threw myself outside, not bothering to close the doors. Thorns and branches sliced me up as I climbed and dragged myself over the hedge.
Fuck finding the hole and running through our yards. I needed out. I needed to get back on solid ground.
I needed away from the girl who was so much more than what she seemed.
Red now made perfect sense to me.
Fern Denane hadn’t been a quiet loser all these years, hidden amongst hormonal socialites. She’d been a coiled snake biding her time before she struck.
Fern
Coraline and Silas seemed to have made up in the weeks since his weird disappearing acts.
When I’d asked her about it, she’d just sighed, and said, “I don’t know what happened, but he swears he’s not going to worry me like that again.” She shrugged. “What can I do? When you love someone, you want to believe them, and I trust him.”
I couldn’t relate, and she knew it, swiftly moving the conversation to the Vikings show we’d both been binge-watching.
Sorrow and resentment formed a sour taste in my mouth whenever I watched Silas and Cory be their usual lovestruck selves at school. Usually, I didn’t care at all. I was happy she was happy, and Silas was always nice to me.
The sour taste turned bitter after the Sunday afternoon when Jude vanished from my room, and he’d since gone back to ignoring me in the days after.
But he wasn’t just ignoring me. He wasn’t even bullying me.
He flat-out avoided anything to do with me.
I felt like I was back at square one. Alone and trying not to suffocate on what-ifs.
Prom was now two weeks away, and the preparations and parties had picked up speed. I had no interest in attending any more, though. Not if it meant seeing Marnie and Jude together again, and I undoubtedly would, being that Jude was rarely home.
I’m going to need some time to think about it.
I wasn’t sure why he’d bothered lying to me. Word on the street was he and Marnie were practically planning their wedding once more.