The plan made me feel a tiny bit better. Not enough to stop the painful swelling and shrinking of my heart, but easier to force a smile and feel like it might actually be believable.
I was sweating by the time Cory dragged me back over to the corner, and we grabbed something to drink. Plucking her phone from her purse, she glanced around. “I’ll be back. Just going to call Silas and see where he is.”
I waved her off, content to rehydrate for the moment and take in everyone’s outfits.
A sweet laugh broke into my musings, and over the rim of my cup, I watched Marnie approach. She stopped before me, the smile on her face filling her false lashed eyes.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid thing to say the moment the words slipped over my lips.
“You,” she said, clasping her hands over her lilac purse. Her short dress was the same color, and although it looked striking against her olive skin, it only reaffirmed the fact she didn’t deserve him.
“Sweetie.” It seemed she was assessing my dress the same way I’d done hers, for realization curled her mouth into an ugly sneer. “What the hell possessed you into thinking my boyfriend would actually go to prom with you?”
My mouth fell open. I snapped it closed.
Boyfriend.
“I mean, I knew you liked him, everyone knows, but imagining something so much that you think it’s real? That’s just sad, Fern.” Her lips pinched. “Really, I feel kind of terrible for you.”
The microphone screeched, and we both looked at the stage, but the band was talking amongst themselves and taking a drink break. It wasn’t the microphone.
It was the speakers overhead. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”
I’d know that voice anywhere. I’d listened to it at school, had conversations with it in my dreams, and had even felt it vibrate against my bare skin.
“A little fun and games, if you will.”
Everyone was glancing around, trying to find him, just as I was.
Marnie stood perfectly still, though, her gaze trained on me as she pulled a flask from her purse and took a swig.
“Before we announce our king and queen for this eve, I thought it best we have a laugh.”
He wasn’t here, and Marnie was well aware of that, offering the flask to me. “You might need some.”
I just stared at it, and she shrugged as Jude began to stab at the dying organ in my chest.
“Without further ado…” The monster cleared his throat. “Jude’s hair smells like mint and cedarwood.” His tone turned nostalgic, as though he were narrating a piece of literature, and he was. He was unveiling my own for the entire senior class to hear. “I spent half an hour in the drugstore trying to find what shampoo it could be. I sniffed half of them before I realized I was an idiot. There was no way Jude would buy regular shampoo.”
He cleared his throat again as if trying not to laugh. “So I bought ten different types from Sephora, ordering more after until I’d found it. If I can’t have the real thing, then at least I can know what it smells like.”
I couldn’t breathe, the bodice of my gown far too tight.
“Jude looked at me yesterday. I swore he did. Cory says I’m not as invisible as I think I am, and that maybe he did. It doesn’t matter. I’ll keep watching. Maybe one day, he’ll watch me back.”
Laughter sounded, and I felt every eye in the room fall on me.
“They broke up again today. I celebrated with a cheese omelet, a glass of Mom’s champagne, and some male on male action on Tumblr.”
He waited until everyone calmed a little before continuing once more.
“I think I want to write romance novels. God, it feels so good to finally admit this somewhere. Even though she hasn’t said it, I know my mom expects me to work for her in hopes of one day running her businesses. But I’d rather write fiction than live in reality. It’s way more fun. And in fiction, anything is possible. I can create the love story I never got to live. I can create my own Jude, one who knows I exist and who would do anything for me.”
He didn’t stop there.
“Sometimes, I wish I didn’t like Jude Delouxe so much. Sometimes, I wonder if not liking him would leave me with better things to do. But I have nothing else.” There was a lengthy pause, then he finished roughly, “All I have is him.”
It was official.
I wanted to kill him. He had to die.
And then I needed to move off the island. New Zealand, maybe. I was sure Mom would be cool with it.
I heard people saying my name, and it joined the storm of laughter as I retreated farther into the corner of the room.
“Junior year is finally coming to a close. Mom asked if I was applying for any writing courses over the summer. I said I wanted to, but she’d already stated it wasn’t necessary, and I’d get into any school I wanted. I don’t know why I believe her, or how that’s even possible, but I know it’s true. I don’t care what I do, so long as I end up at the same place as Jude.” A whoosh sounded as Jude blew out a breath. “Oh, and summers are better spent watching Jude come and go next door anyway. I love seeing how tanned he gets.”
For someone who’d just wanted to be seen, I’d never wanted to disappear so badly in my life.
I was crying. I could feel the wetness flooding my cheeks and the tremble of my lips. But I couldn’t wipe the tears away.
I couldn’t move.
“I found out what cologne he wears. I overheard Marnie mention that she was buying him some for his birthday, and Melanie asked what it was. I wrote down the name, and some months ago, I ordered two bottles. You know, just in case one breaks. The other night, I spritzed a little on my pillow. I’d planned to hug it until I fell asleep; instead, I slipped my hand inside my panties and made myself come to the…”
He stopped, and it was just as well. He wouldn’t want his reinstated girlfriend aware of our secret meetings. Cory returned, her eyes wide and her hands reaching for me.
“I’m beginning to think that I need to burn or shred this. We’re only growing more serious, even if he’ll never admit it to himself. I think he likes me. I think I…” Jude coughed, then spat out, “Love him.” There was a thud, as though something had been dropped.
Cory was tugging me out of the room, faces blurring in a cacophony of curiosity and laughter. “Stalker town,” someone yelled.
“How dare he?” she said, seething as we entered the quiet foyer outside.
“Cory,” Silas called.
“Not now,” she snapped. “Your friend”—she stabbed a finger at Silas—“your friend needs to die.”
Silas nodded, his lips pinched between his teeth as his eyes flicked between us. “He’s out of control. I’ll find him, I promise. Right now, we need to head in.”
“You’re prom queen?” I somehow found the words to voice.
Silas nodded while Cory stood slack-jawed. “Sorry, Fern.” He came forward and took her back inside.
Everyone was still laughing and still reeling. I spun around to leave, almost falling over the marble table. A porcelain vase screamed as it hit the floor, crunching with flowers under my heels as I grabbed my gown in both hands and ran.
“Obsessed much?” I heard Melanie mutter as she exited the ladies’ room with some guy I didn’t recognize. “I’d run, too.”