Derrick pulls his knees up and leans his head back against the couch. Defeated. Derrick looks completely and utterly defeated.
“I’m sorry I cost you that,” he apologizes to his brother.
His arrogance cost both of them to lose the one thing they never knew they needed. He used to think he’s the smartest of his brothers but he’d been outsmarted by pussy. He doesn’t know how to handle that fact. He doesn’t know what, if anything, he can do to make this right again.
“We fucked up, Adam. Not just you.”
Derrick closes his eyes and he wishes his brother would just succumb to sleep. Maybe Derrick’s mind would be clearer with some rest and a brief pause in the alcohol.
“Boss,” Mason calls out again. “Stella’s calling.”
Derrick is up and stumbling his way over to Mason, grabbing the phone as soon as he gets there.
“Baby, I’m here,” Derrick says into the phone.
It doesn’t seem like he gets a chance to say anything more because his head slumps between his shoulders and he’s already pulling the phone away from his ear not even a minute after.
“What did she say?” Rory asks first.
“She…she just said I have sixteen hours to clean myself up,” Derrick answers. “That’s it.”
“Shit,” Chase whispers.
“Does she know you love her?” Derrick asks, breaking into the silence as they patiently wait for whatever it is Stella has waiting for them.
Derrick seems to think he’ll be served divorce papers even though it’s well past regular office hours. The sun has long set hours ago. And frankly, that’s not Stella’s style.
“I never got the chance to tell her,” he confesses to Derrick.
He never got the chance to admit it to himself either. It’s not like he’s had a lot of practice when it comes to speaking about his emotions. With four brothers, a mother who died when he’d barely had a chance to become a man, and an irresponsible father, Jazzy was the only one he’d been able to express his love to.
“You didn’t take your own advice. The same one you once gave me,” Derrick says to him. “Next thing you’re going to say is ‘she knows’, right?”
“So your memory is starting to come back?”
“Just puzzle pieces,” Derrick mumbles.
“Ariana should know,” he answers. “With her, things don’t need to be said. We communicate through our actions. No matter how subtle. I mean, look at her with Jazzy. How can I not…”
“Love her,” Derrick finishes. “You can say it. As you said, women still need to be told. You should tell her,” Derrick says.
“If she gives me the chance, I won’t pass it up again.”
“Have you reached out to her?” Derrick asks.
“Of course. Many times. But she won’t take my calls. Per your wife’s order, the mercs will shoot me where I stand if I showed up at her hotel room. Stella’s just as pissed at me.”
Derrick smirks as if he’s entertained.
“You shouldn’t let that stop you,” Derrick tells him.
“You let it stop you though,” he retorts. “Besides, she’s safer there than she would be here now that Isabella knows where she’s been.”
“I don’t know how much more I can put her through shit, Adam. I was recently trying to convince her to have another baby while we were on our honeymoon. And now? I don’t even have her or my son with me.”
Moments of silence pass between the two of them.
“Trust me. It’s not because I’m afraid of her slicing my throat open,” Derrick speaks again. “I’ll gladly take it if that’s what she wants. But I can’t…I can’t see how much I’ve hurt her. It kills me. It’s worse than seeing her in physical pain because this…this cut her so much deeper. I don’t know if I can ever heal that for her again. It’s something that’s always going to be between us.”
“You don’t think it’s the same for me and Ariana? I betrayed her with the same monster who I promised to save her from.”
“We were drugged,” Derrick replies.
“Did you tell Stella that?” he asks. “Because it sounds like an excuse. We’re grown men not spring chickens. We should have been more careful. Instead, I was arrogant and underestimated the cunt. I feel like I led you to this. I don’t know how to make this right, brother.”
“I don’t know where to go from here either, Adam. I’ve nearly lost her too many times. She’s taken bullets and shed blood for me. She’s given me a son. She gives and gives. To know how hurt she is by my betrayal…there’s no describing the amount of fucking pain I feel right here,” Derrick says, patting his chest.
“I know what you’re feeling. Believe me. I know,” he tells Derrick.
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Where are we?” she asks Stella. “I thought we were going to dinner?”
“I don’t know about you,” Stella answers. “But I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.”
“Same,” she admits.
She looks around the warehouse. It isn’t completely dark. There are some dark corners but it isn’t bright either.
Stella picked her up alone without her usual flock of security guys, not even Brooks. They drove for who knows how long since she didn’t pay attention.
It’s been forever since she’s seen Adam and every second of the withdrawal is more painful than the prior one. Her weak mind and body yearn for him and the longing is all that’s keeping her mind intact even though she feels herself shattering.
Stella’s footsteps help her focus on the present. One foot in front of the other.
There’s a table in a dark corner that she didn’t see until they are upon it. Stella takes a seat in one of the two chairs and then lights a candle.
Stella’s different today. She’s quiet and calm except she can feel something stirring. It’s in the atmosphere. It’s dark. Almost as dark as Adam’s darkness. And oddly enough, it’s comforting.
It strips away her doubts and her pain. It gives her a sense of calm and brushes away her worries. It gives her control by taking control away from her the way Adam used to strip her of it. It’s almost…liberating.
Adam is a master of control. Yet he used his control to help make her stronger. To an extent. Then…like everyone else. He used his control to hurt her…to betray her.
How is it possible that she can feel this way while sitting with Stella? Her eyebrows must’ve bunched together in her confusion because Stella reaches up and brushes those brows. She relaxes at the comforting touch.
“So, what’s going on? Is this a new dining experience?” she asks playfully.
Stella shakes her head.
“What’s wrong, Stella? Are you okay? You can tell me,” she says.
Her hand reaches for Stella’s lonesome hand sitting over the tabletop. It occurs to her that she never checked to see how Stella is doing through this.
“I know I’m not very good at helping others. But…you’re my only friend. I want to feel useful.”