Chance and I hadn’t talked since the night Jared showed up and ruined our celebration at The Bar. The most messed up part was that after that all happened, I had wanted Chance to chase me even though I was in no position to be chased. I hated myself for expecting him to do it. And then I hated myself even more for being disappointed when he never did.
Of course, Chance Carter would keep his distance; that was just the kind of guy he was. And I knew that it was on me to reach out to him. But the more days that passed, the harder that seemed to be. I couldn’t figure out what to say or how to apologize without landing us right back to where we had always been—fighting off our mutual attraction with nowhere for it to go. Our relationship had been so complicated from the start as we tried to convince ourselves that we could be just friends when we both wanted more.
When I’d finally broken things off with Jared, I’d figured the smart thing to do would be to take a little time for myself and not jump into another relationship. I had to make sure that my feelings for Chance were real and not some sort of escape because I had been unhappy in my current situation. So, I stayed away from Chance, and in return, he stayed away from me. It was absolute misery.
“No, nothing else, but oh my God, Danika, tell him already. You’re killing me here.”
I sucked in a breath and leaned my head on one of the pillows on my bed. “I don’t want to tell him over the phone.”
“Yeah, well, you should have told him before you left,” she chastised, as if we hadn’t had this conversation ten times already.
“We’ve talked about this,” I reminded her. “The last thing I wanted to do was to tell Chance I was single and ready to date him and then leave the next day for New York.”
There was no point in spilling my guts to him when I was going to be gone for a month. Granted, we could have talked and gotten to know each other better over that time, but it just wasn’t how I wanted things between us to go. I wanted to be with him in person when we started things up, not long distance. Maybe that was selfish of me. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it also gave me a little more time to be alone, to be with my dad, and to deal with whatever hell Jared might try to inflict when he came back to the city over break.
“I know. It’s just that”—she groaned—“do you know how hard it was to see him and not blurt it all out?”
“Tell me you didn’t,” I warned, and she was quiet for too long. “Sunny!”
She laughed. “I didn’t.”
“Thank God. And if you see him again, just stay quiet. I promise I’ll tell him as soon as I get back to campus.”
“Better hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend by then,” she teased, but I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.
Just because Chance hadn’t dated so far in college didn’t mean that it couldn’t happen. Maybe realizing that he had feelings for me opened him up to having feelings for other girls. Anything was possible.
I shook my head to rid it of those thoughts. “I’ll tell him. The second I land.”
“You should tell him now. Or on Christmas! I got you a present …” She paused. “Me!”
She laughed, and I chuckled.
“I’ll think about it,” I promised, and we both hung up.
I thought about telling Chance every single day, but something always seemed to stop me. As excited as I was to be with him, it felt torturous to try to start something while being apart. Not to mention the fact that my mind was filled with unanswered questions. Like, what if he didn’t even want me anymore? Or what if he really never had? What if Chance only thought he wanted me because he couldn’t have me, because I was unavailable? That was the kind of thing your heart never realized until the opportunity was in your face, staring you down and begging for an answer.
No, I couldn’t have this conversation with him over the phone. I needed to be able to look in his eyes and see his face when I told him that I was single.
Pulling up the Fullton State baseball schedule online, I took a screenshot with my phone and gave myself a quick pep talk. I knew what I wanted to do.
Walking into the dining room, where my dad sat at the table working on his laptop with a newspaper spread out next to him, I leaned over his back and hugged his strong shoulders.
“What’s up, kiddo?” he said as he looked behind at me.
I sat down in the chair next to him. “I was thinking about leaving a little earlier than usual, if that’s okay with you?”
His bushy, graying brows rose. “How early?”
“Just a couple weeks. But I can stay if you want,” I said, knowing that my dad would never force me to stay if I wanted to go.
“Is this about that Carter boy?”
My cheeks warmed as I answered with a slight smile I couldn’t stop, “Maybe.”
I’d filled my dad in on my personal life the day after I got back. We were having dinner together at home when he asked how Jared was, and I spilled my guts about how I’d been feeling. I told him that Jared had changed. Or that maybe I was the one who had changed but that I hadn’t been happy in a long time. I told him about the breakup and that I thought I might have feelings for Chance.
Part of me was scared that my dad might be disappointed in my decisions or not understand. I knew that he loved Jared like family, so I was nervous for his reaction, especially since we’d always talked about working for my dad after graduation. But he couldn’t have been more accepting or gracious. He’d told me that he wanted me to be happy and that if Jared had stopped making me that, then I should move on.
“Life’s too short to settle, Danika. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t make you smile.”
“I still can’t believe you like Jack Carter’s son,” he said, sounding like a giddy schoolboy instead of the overprotective dad I’d come to know lately.
We’d talked about that as well over dinner. How I needed to be able to make my own decisions and he had to stop worrying about me so much. He’d told me that he’d never be able to do that since he was my dad and all but that he’d try.
I’d ended up saving the pictures that Cassie had taken of my parents all those years ago for Christmas. After I got back to New York, I took the flash drive to a local artist I knew, who turned three of my favorites into paintings. I framed them and gave them to my dad for Christmas. Then, we spent the rest of the morning looking at all the pictures Cassie had given me copies of. My dad told me stories about him and my mom that I’d never heard before. And he’d cried. Which, of course, made me cry.
Being in such an emotionally vulnerable state had made me want to reach out to Chance even more. I texted him, wishing him a merry Christmas, and he responded with the same right back. Then, he sent a string of Christmas emojis that made me wonder if Jacey had stolen his phone. When the dots appeared, I held my breath, waiting for him to say something else, anything else, but the dancing dots disappeared, and no new text ever came. I should have texted that I missed him. I should have texted that I couldn’t wait to see him when I came back. But I hadn’t.
My dad started asking me a million questions about Chance and what kind of guy he was and why I thought I liked him, and it made me realize how much I really did.