“Haven’t seen you smile like that,” my dad said before adding, “Ever.”
“That can’t be true,” I countered because I was sure I’d smiled the same way when I first started dating Jared.
“I mean it, kiddo. The smile you get on your face when you talk about Chance, it’s a new one,” he said, giving me a half-grin. “I like it.”
“Well, I hope Chance likes it too.”
He closed his laptop. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just a little worried, is all,” I admitted.
“About?”
“What if he doesn’t like me back?”
My dad chuckled. “Then, he’s an idiot, and I don’t want you with him.”
I smiled, and my dad cocked his head to one side, studying me.
“But seriously, why the hell would you even think that?”
“I’m just nervous. What if he only thinks he likes me?”
“Danika, stop speaking girl and just speak.”
“I was with Jared the whole time. Maybe Chance is the kind of guy who wants what he can’t have.”
My dad made a face before nodding, and I hated that he was potentially agreeing with my assessment.
“I mean, I guess that is possible. But what does your gut say?”
“My gut?”
“Yes, Danika, your gut. If I were to say that Chance only liked you because you were with Jared, what does your stomach do?”
I swallowed hard, my head shaking. “It revolts. Fights against your words. They feel wrong.”
My dad’s face practically lit up, his eyes crinkling in the corner with his smile. “See? Your gut knows. He likes you.”
My gut had better be right, I thought to myself.
“You’re really okay with all of this?” I asked him again even though I’d already asked a handful of times since I’d been home.
He mussed with the newspaper at his side before folding it neatly, his eyes softening. “With what exactly? You living your life the way you want to? Following and trusting your heart? Not staying with someone you don’t belong with? Making hard decisions because they’re the right ones? With what, sweetheart?”
My eyes filled with moisture at his barrage of complimentary questions. “I know you love Jared like a son. And I’ve just cut him out of our lives.”
His jaw tightened. “I like Jared just fine. As long as he’s making you happy. He stops doing that, and I stop giving a shit about him. You’re my daughter. My loyalty will always be with and for you. You understand that?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t seem so sure,” he said, and I stayed quiet. “Sweetheart, you don’t owe Jared your heart just because he had a piece of it for a while. Sometimes, relationships run their course. They have a time limit, and they run out. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. And that’s okay. Your mother and I would never want you to stay with someone who didn’t make you happy, no matter who it was, how long we’d known them, or how much we loved their family. Okay?”
I fought back tears and sniffed. I’d had no idea how desperately I needed to hear those words or how much I craved his approval for this life change. “Thank you, Dad.”
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against him before kissing the top of my head. “My sweet girl. Now, bring that boy out here, so I can meet him.”
“Dad!”
“What?”
“You just want me to date him, so you and his dad can become besties,” I teased, laughing at his twisted facial expression as he tried to decipher what I meant.
“I don’t know what a bestie is, but you know how much this city still loves Jack. The only Mets player anyone likes.”
“No, he’s the only Mets player you like.”
“True. Make sure you send me more selfies, okay? I made it my wallpaper on my phone. See?” He shoved his phone at me, unlocking it so I could see the wallpaper in the background behind all the apps and folders. It was the picture of me and Jack that I’d sent him from dinner at their house.
A smile played at my lips as a thought hit me. “You know, Dad, you should think about coming out and watching Chance play. I mean, after I convince him to date me. ’Cause if he says no, then I don’t want you to come out. That’d be embarrassing.”
“I’ll come out to whack him if he says no,” he said, his tone serious, and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if he was joking or not.
People always told me that my dad was scary. I rarely saw that side of him. The last thing he’d ever been to me was scary, but then again, I’d never crossed him or made him upset.
“So, you’re okay with me leaving early to go watch Chance play?”
“That’s what you’re doing? Watching him play baseball?”
“Yeah, his season starts two weeks before the semester does. I want to go to a game before everyone’s back in school. Plus, I really want to talk to him about everything in person. And sitting here, waiting to do that, is kind of killing me, to be honest.”
My dad smiled like he couldn’t have approved of what I was saying more. “Go get your baseball player.” He reached for my hand and squeezed, and my mom’s face flashed in my mind.
“I miss Mom.”
“I do too. Every single day.” He released a breath, and even though I knew we both missed her, we didn’t bring up the subject often. It was still too painful, even after all these years. Life had continued after she left, but it was forever changed and not quite the same.
“I wish she were here,” I said, not trying to make my dad feel worse but it was true. I wanted to talk to her about Chance, and I wanted her to see how I was growing up.
“I’d give anything to have her back here with us and healthy. Everything I do is because of her and for you. I know you miss her, and I know I’m a piss-poor substitute.”
“No, Dad, you’re great,” I tried to interrupt, but he talked over me.
“No. Listen. Your mother was my best friend, but she was yours too. And I know there are things that a girl needs her mom for. A dad just isn’t the same. And I’m so sorry she got sick. I’m so sorry you’ve had to grow up without her. But I promise you this”—his hand squeezed mine again—“she’s with you even if you can’t see her.”
“You really believe that?” I asked because I’d never expected to hear that kind of spiritual talk from him. He was so logical.
“Absolutely.”
“Does she watch over you too?” I pressed, wanting to know more about this side of him.
“I know she does. I feel her sometimes. And I dream about her. Those are the best.” A faraway look appeared in his eyes, and I felt his love for my mother even though she was no longer here.
“I used to dream about her too. But I haven’t for a while now,” I said, almost forgetting that she used to come to my dreams nightly when she first passed.
How did I forget that?
“Doesn’t mean she isn’t still around, okay?” His expression softened as he looked directly into my eyes, and I nodded.
“You’ll think about coming out to visit?” I asked, hoping he’d say yes.