“Sit it out.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
He was pulling me from the game. In the seventh inning while we were down by one run.
I never got pulled.
I never sat out a game.
Guessed there was a first time for everything.
I resisted the urge to throw shit, specifically my helmet, as I moved down the length of the bench in the dugout to sit alone and sulk. This was my own fault, and I had no one else to blame but myself. My sheer inability to get out of my head and be the leader I was expected to be on the field was baffling. I’d never struggled with focusing my mind before. But then again, I’d never had a girlfriend in my college career before. Compartmentalizing wasn’t as easy as I’d always thought it should be. I had harshly judged my teammates in the past, wondering why they couldn’t seem to put their love life on the shelf for nine fucking innings and focus on the game. Now, I actually understood.
Leaning forward, I glanced in the stands before leaning back just as quick. Fuck.
Not only were Danika, Sunny, and my mom here, but so were Uncle Dean and Aunt Melissa. Uncle Dean must have been dying inside, watching me play so shitty. He was my unofficial sports agent until I was legally allowed to sign with him. I wondered how frustrated he was and if he’d have to do any kind of damage control after I played a game like this. I knew I was being a bit dramatic, but there were aspects of the baseball business that I didn’t know yet. Maybe one bad game was all it took to make scouts doubt a player and lose interest.
To make matters worse, Gran and Gramps were here, too, watching this travesty. They rarely came to my games anymore, which I understood and was perfectly okay with. The stadium seats were far too uncomfortable for them to sit in for three hours straight, and the weather was usually either too hot or too cold. Plus, they didn’t drive much on their own anymore, complaining that people were always in too much of a rush and that their eyesight wasn’t what it used to be. Uncle Dean must have picked them up and brought them.
The only saving grace was that my sister and cousins didn’t seem to be around. It was bad enough to play this kind of game in front of everyone I cared about, but having it in front of three annoying teenage girls who would never shut up about it after would have been even more of a nightmare for me.
I leaned forward again, catching a glimpse of Danika and my mom laughing at something. The sight of them together should have made me happy, and it would have before this morning, but right now, it only made me confused.
When I looked at Danika, I didn’t see an end date to our relationship. I saw a future. A future that I wanted her to be a part of. Did wanting that make me selfish, like Jared had said? Because if Danika chose to be with me, that meant she was choosing this crazy baseball lifestyle too. A world where everything could change in the span of a single day and anything could happen. She would never have a predictable, stable, normal life, like most other people.
That just wasn’t how being a professional athlete worked. And I’d had years to adjust to the idea of what playing baseball professionally meant for me as a person and future husband and father. Danika had no clue, not really. Having her own career would be a struggle, and after the other night, I knew that she wanted one. She wasn’t the kind of girl to be satisfied with following me around the country. She needed something of her own.
I had no idea how to give that to her and still keep her. I wondered if it was even possible at all.
Not Himself
Danika
I was surrounded by Chance’s family, and I couldn’t have been happier even though Chance was having what appeared to be a pretty bad game.
When I’d shown up today, I’d had no idea that I’d be meeting his aunt Melissa and uncle Dean or his grandparents—Gran and Gramps, as they’d insisted I call them. They were all so welcoming and kind. I wondered briefly if Chance knew how lucky he was to have so many people care about him before thinking that he most likely did. Chance wasn’t the type of guy who took things for granted.
Being surrounded by all this Carter love reminded me of growing up in New York with all my friends’ families. My own extended family had been spread out for most of my life. My mom’s parents lived in France, and I had rarely seen them as a kid and hadn’t seen them since the funeral. And my dad’s parents lived in Italy on some sprawling estate that grew grapes for wine. They used to visit a few times a year but never since my two aunts, my dad’s sisters, had moved there to help them oversee operations. I wasn’t sure if they ever planned on coming back to the States or not.
I’d basically grown up being the only Italian girl from the city with no siblings and only her mom and dad. Everyone else seemed to have generations of family living within a three-block radius, who got together every Sunday for barbeques and homemade dinners. I used to feel sort of left out, like I was missing something, until my friends started including me in their family rituals.
“I’ve never seen Chance play so bad before,” Cassie whispered before eyeing me. “Did you two have a fight?”
“What? No. I mean, not that I know of.” I laughed uncomfortably.
“They don’t fight, Mrs. Carter,” Sunny interjected, and I gave her a look before she snapped her lips shut and pressed them together dramatically.
“I’m just teasing, but he’s definitely not himself. Something has him unfocused.”
“You can tell that just by watching him?” I asked, fascinated.
“Oh, absolutely. You will, too, eventually.” She smiled, and I hoped she was right. I wanted to know that Chance was off just by looking at him.
“Any idea what’s gotten into him?” his uncle leaned forward and asked.
Both Cassie and I shook our heads.
“Weird,” he said before typing out furiously on his phone.
I hated how concerned everyone sounded. I started wondering if I was the reason Chance was so unlike himself.
Did I do something and not realize it? I had no idea what was wrong, but something clearly was.
“What was it like, dating the Jack Carter when you guys were here?” Sunny asked with a giant grin, and I practically groaned, a little embarrassed.
Cassie looked over her shoulder at Melissa. “How do I even answer that question?” she asked before Melissa shook her head.
“I’ll answer it,” Melissa said before Cassie shushed her.
“Jack was a piece of work. He was a mess,” she said before looking at Gran and Gramps and apologizing.
“Oh, honey, you know that I’m well aware of what a mess he was,” Gran said.
Cassie continued, “I was a mess too. We were two immature and hurt people. We took our pain out on each other. But we also saved each other.”
“They mostly saved each other,” Melissa said before adding, “Of course, that was after putting each other and everyone who ever cared about them through hell.”
“She’s one to talk.” Cassie thumbed toward her. “Remind me to tell you the nightmare story of how those two finally got together.”
“Hey, it’s not a nightmare story.” Melissa mocked offense, and we all laughed. “Fine. I was a little bit of a nightmare.”
“But you’re my nightmare.” Dean wrapped an arm around his wife and kissed the side of her head. “I honestly wouldn’t change a moment of our story.”