He glanced at the diary in my hand with a glimpse of insecurity on his face. “And what do you think?”
I flipped the pages to his last entry. I wanted to tell him so many things. “That you’re capable of the most beautiful things. You always want to give love and fight against the negative thoughts. This last entry...”
I started reading it aloud:
“There are so many things I regret in my life, but if I had to make a list with the top five things I regret, this would be it:
1) Not showing up sooner and saving my dad
2) Not avoiding that car
3) Not doing anything as I watched Sarah fall down those fucking stairs
4) Strangling Sarah
5) Not being the “normal” twin
Maybe if I were normal, I would have a chance at normal life.
And I would make Sarah happy.”
I looked at him. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re ‘normal’ or not. I love you for who you are. Now, after everything, I feel like all these things helped us because they enabled us to learn from our mistakes. I always thought mistakes were bad, but if I make no mistakes, how can I hope to change? Mistakes are there to help me learn, gain experience, and overcome setbacks, so I can become better and stronger in the future. So I can become better me one day. Just like you. All of this led you to who you are today. So those aren’t necessarily completely bad things.”
He watched me wordlessly, his face remaining blank as he reflected on my words. “You should form your own philosophy,” he finally said. “It could be called Boring People To Death.”
I pursed my lips. “And you should stop being so addicted to sarcasm.”
He smirked. “Never. That’s my daily drug.”
“I thought I was your daily drug.”
“You’re like the cheapest kind of drug.”
“Ha ha. Not funny.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
It was hopeless. I was grinning like a fool.
He took his phone out. “I want to show you something.” He tapped on his screen a few times, sitting on his heels. “I want to get a new tattoo, but this one will be the most special. I’m going to put it right under your tattoo.”
The flickers of excitement unfurled through me. “A tattoo of what?”
“It’s about you and me. Here. Check it out.”
He handed me his phone, and I read his note.
“You’re bullied,
forever ashamed.
I’m pained,
feeling the same.
We’re damaged,
together as one,
Because our storm
always precedes the sun.”
I raised my eyes to meet his gaze filled with need, finding my home again. “Hayden, this is beautiful. How did you think of this?”
He shrugged. “I just thought about the things that define us—those bad things that led to something good in the end.”
I moved so that my knees touched his and placed my hand on his. “I love it. Together we’re managing to conquer everything. Despite every storm.”
He nodded and took his phone to place it on the floor. “Together as one.”
I inched closer to him. My heart beat fast as we looked at each other, our breaths mixing together. “And we’re better together. I love you, Hayden Black.”
The fire reflected in his eyes, his lips only a breath away from mine. “And I love you even more, Sarah Decker.”
Our lips connected, and he pushed me down on the blanket, hovering above me. I explored his mouth with great intensity, wanting much more, and pressed my fingers into his shoulders that tensed under my touch. He buried his head into my neck and moved his hands underneath my sweater, sliding them delicately up my waist before he cupped my breasts over my bra. I squirmed with need.
“Are you nervous?” he whispered above my lips, his eyes dark.
“Not anymore.”
He broke into the most beautiful smile and pulled my sweater and undershirt off, leaving me only in my bra. Blush covered my cheeks, but I didn’t want to hide from him this time, letting him see every inch of my uncovered skin freely.
His warm fingers skimmed over my ribs on their way to my back. He unclasped my bra and tossed it aside, drawing away to take in my naked upper body. His fast breathing matched mine.
“You’re beautiful,” he said huskily, watching the rapid rise and fall of my breasts. He took them in his hands and kissed each of them, giving extra attention to two hard nubs that rose to meet his lips. “The most beautiful girl.”
I threw my head back and moaned, lacing my fingers into his hair to keep him close to me. His hands and mouth made love to my skin, cherishing every curve and crevice. His hot kisses brought heat to my insides and clouded my mind as he moved to take my jeans off.
I rose up on my elbows with only my panties covering me. Any feeling of insecurity I might’ve had was erased under his loving eyes that roamed all over me. The way he looked at me made me feel like I really was the most beautiful girl, and more than ever, I needed us to become one.
“It’s not fair. I’m here naked, and you’re completely dressed.”
He smirked. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Sitting on his haunches, he let me undress him, following my every move as his breathing grew heavier. My eyes drank in his chiseled chest, abs, and tattoos, which were emphasized by the shadows that danced across his skin in the dimly-lit room. I fumbled with the zipper of his jeans, brushing his erection before I stopped to cover it with my hand. This was the last straw for him, apparently, since the next moment, he took off his jeans and boxers in one swift move and pushed me back to the blanket.
“It’s funny,” he said and planted a feathery kiss on my neck.
“What’s funny?”
“How only one touch from you can turn me into this.” He supported himself on one hand as he leaned away to look into my face, his expression full of lust. “I want to give you everything and take everything from you. And I want it right now.”
He continued kissing me as he settled himself between my legs and started grinding against me. Blood hummed through my veins with anticipation as I ran my hands across his strong chest. He was my undoing, and there was no going back. I cupped his cheeks, looking at him pleadingly.
“Then do it.”
He groaned. “I will. But first...” He repositioned himself, kneeling as he held my thighs wide open.
I let out a breathy moan when his lips skimmed over my stomach and moved even lower. “Hayden?” I grabbed his head when he kissed the spot right above the edge of my panties. Everything in me was desperate for the kiss that was far more intimate than anything.
“I want you to feel good,” he replied hoarsely and took off the last piece of my clothing, exposing me completely to him.
The world stopped to exist the moment he lowered his head and did exactly what he’d said. My body fed on the addictive sensations that coursed through me, and I couldn’t stop calling his name over and over again, amazed that he was doing this to me—amazed at how good his lips and tongue felt on me. And then my pleasure reached its peak, and the love for this beautifully imperfect guy washed over me in powerful waves. He was my everything.